Going to keep this thread now!

I achieved 7 weeks of abstinence yesterday. I had a good day. Did a little bit of driving, walked a dog at the rescue, went to the gym and had a massage. 

Lazy morning, this morning. I'm going for a gong bath tonight. Sound healing. 

It's just under a year I've owned my house now. It is something positive that I'm working for/towards. I'm enjoying the stability of not moving house this year, for a change! No moves on the horizon, either!

Hope you OK freda.. 

You sound busy.. Speak soon

Boo ?

I've been having urges to gamble over the past few days but I have resisted so far. Been lazing about, scrolling on the internet and avoiding doing my washing up and so on. I do find the darkest months the hardest. I'm excited that there are only 2 more weeks, then it will start getting lighter!

Yes I relate to that Freda, just "scrolling around on the internet" for something to do to pass time and avoiding doing constructive things. Its dangerous territory when you have got an addiction in your back pack.

Keep safe... let there be light! 🙂

Thanks SA 🙂

Blocks are so essential, as I definitely would have gambled by now, if I was able to, at home. Out there, I'm a bit of a creature of habit and had a favourite machine - but it's helping me to remind myself that it was so old, it kept conking out before I was ready to stop, haha. So, I remind myself I would just get frustration anyway.

I am definitely comfort eating. A bit of it is just my body's reaction to winter. 

Hiya... yes am comfort eating as well but anything is better than gambling one's money away into some machine.

Onwards 🙂

I suppose it is 🙂

I feel really lonely tonight. My heart aches. It's really aching. I've been single ages now and I am not close to anyone. I don't have children and am not close to any of my family. I know I have a lot to be grateful for but tonight I just feel so lonely that it's painful as hell.

I've just gambled on my phone. I've done Gamstop but this particular website hadn't blocked me 6 weeks after Gamstop so I had a feeling they might have still left their avenue open. I had already put deposit limits in place of £10 a month, thankfully, when I realised this website hadn't become blocked.

I've now closed my account - this should do the trick because it's usually an impatient urge I get. Signing up again would feel too long.

I'm just really in a lot of pain. Feel really low tonight.

Hiya Freda, I am so sorry that you are feeling so lonely and really glad you popped into chat. You may be feeling lonely but you are not alone. Sending big hugs x

Take care Freda.

Hope you are feeling better tomorrow.

Stephen x 

Hi Freda - we are with you in spirit here Ok.  You are never alone. You might not feel it right now but we're here, believe me.  Have a relaxing sleep and try not to worry.  We're not 'going away' Ok 🙂

I keep feeling like I want to scream. 

So many conversations on dating apps with men, who, within days - sometimes minutes - set alarm bells ringing. Or they just stop replying, or their account disappears (wife/girlfriend has found out). It's exhausting.

Boss has been affectionate today - not inappropriately so - but it didn't help. I think he's just really fond of me. He twanged my xmas headband beelybopper thing. Oh, well, there's some humour creeping in. I'm obviously not too far gone. I am glad we're mates again, I've missed him.

Two married men have come on to me in the last couple of weeks. It makes me really sad. I have been that wife. I would never ever do that to another woman.

Feeling better than I was, loneliness-wise. I've been really angry with this car sharing friend of mine though. 

She's so unnecessarily negative about my driving - way more critical than my driving instructor, she says it in such a disapproving tone. I made a gasp when I was pulling out of the back lane today because a bicycle suddenly appeared and would have knocked into my left wheel arch if it hadn't braked. There was nothing there, basically, when I committed to pulling out but because they were going quite fast, they appeared in my peripheral vision about half a second after I blocked their path. She goes "it's not their fault, you know. You are expected to look for them". The cheeky witch! I can't do anything about a cyclist bombing up a path so fast that they arrive a split second after I pull out. I don't like her at all. I've literally got to the point where she has alienated me that much. On Sunday she was critical because I didn't see a parked car trying to pull out from the left when I was driving past it. You can't see everything unpredictable! They literally weren't looking, as they tried to pull out right before I passed them. Of course she has the reflexes of a flipping puma. If there's anything negative to say, she'll say it. I'm starting to hate her. I hope she gets really bad earache.

She came round with one of the dogs, this morning. She seems to realise when she's gone too far and try and make up for it. No good to me, that. Much lesser version of the violent partner who then brings flowers home every night for a fortnight. 

Don't need it. 

Been doing the gardening and feel quite good for it! Cleared away some dead, overgrown bushes - symbolic, no? Full moon tonight. The time is ripe to let go of what no longer serves you!

I'm feeling grateful for a lot of things today. Hence one of my famous gratitude lists:

1) I'm really grateful I'm still friends with my boss and he looks out for me. Both my managers are just lovely. I'm lucky and grateful for that.

2) I'm grateful I have money to treat myself and receive TLC with. I have regular massages or other holistic therapies and they definitely enhance my wellbeing, significantly.

3) I'm grateful I work with lovely people. I felt upset when I got to work, yesterday but felt safe around my colleagues. That no-one would be nasty to me. Not everyone has that, do they?

4) I'm grateful for my subscribers on YouTube and the views I get. I have 45! Quite a few people like listening to what I have to say.

5) I'm grateful I can exercise my right to vote tomorrow. I feel very nervous about what the outcome may be but at least I get to throw my thingy into the ring. I can't remember how that saying goes....what do you throw into the ring? answers on a postcard.

6) I'm grateful for the healing that crying gives me. I have cried quite a bit lately but always feel better afterwards for having let it out.

7) I'm grateful for my loving cat. She has been so snuggly recently. I'm grateful she's healthy and I think she is happy.

8) I'm grateful that I pushed myself to get stuff done today. I feel more on top of things.

9) I'm grateful for my home. I have owned my own home and paid my mortgage myself for a whole year now.

10) I'm grateful for my savings. They make me feel much safer.