Going to keep this thread now!

Folks have to be up early to fool you freda. 

Enjoy the time you have over this season having the luxury of choice to please yourself ?

Boo xxxx?????⛄☃️

Hiya Freda, 

I hope your okay. If you fancy coming back to chat then I'll be around for the rest of the session if you wanna talk. 

Don't feel bad for being ignored. Sometimes when it's busy people miss messages or it may be that they are having a hard time so didn't know what to say. It's not a slight on you. 

Take care buddy. 

Drama xoxox

Sleep well freda. Sorry I missed you in chat.. Tomorrow hopefully x

Boo xx

Thanks, Drama and Boo. 

It's the same person every time. I've accepted it now, I'll stop trying. No one owes me a response. Just had less tolerance for it today.

Well freda sometimes it takes me ages to scroll through and I genuinely miss stuff or am engulfed in a thread with someone.. 

Sleep well 

Boo xxxxx

Well, I've been a stupid div and wasted £50 in an arcade yesterday. I was just numbing out. Had been to meet my mam and didn't really want to be there. I went straight to the bakery, got a sausage roll, then got a subway sandwich. Comfort eating. I felt depressed as hell. The overeating actually made me feel worse, so I walked into an arcade.

Bleurgh. I've been to the beach today. It was nice. Back to work, tomorrow.

Oh freda. This time of year is an emotional one.. 

Put it down to a bad day... I can't make it better for you. I just hope and I know if won't be freda extreme essential money..

Chalk it off as the last gamble of 2019. 

Take care 

Boo ❤️?

Thanks, Boo

Was back at work yesterday. Arranged the dropping of my hours from  16 to 12 a week. Felt some nervousness around losing some income but I do need to put my happiness first and when I do, everything seems to fall into place. My boss is going to throw a few extra hours my way, doing some admin, where he can. It will be fine. I know it will be fine. It's just a programmed response to losing some income. 

I'm 40 now and want to find a partner. In the past, I think I would have left my weekend job for the first guy who came along and showed me some attention but I'm better at advocating for my own interests, these days. Although I'd rather work during the week, I have a stable job that is now low stress - since I got taken off the self-scan torture devices. Dropping two hours on a Sunday, I'm confident will give me the energy to go to a dance event every Sunday, with a bunch of hippies. I think it will be good for me. When I did 6 hours, I didn't have the energy. I'm hoping I can move on to a better job in the next 1-2 years, so for the time being, I am focussing on meeting more new people and getting more social time. 

I will probably have to start working more hours eventually, but for the time being, I can take some time to further heal and build social contacts and support. 

I still have my Monday job, so I will be working 16 hours a week in total. 

Still feeling a little bit down and vulnerable. It's isolating to have so much time at this time of year but many friends are busy with their families. 

I'm looking forward to sorting out my mortgage next week and having some security knowing my payments will stay the same for 3 years.

I'm going to have a bath, then I can get outside before sunset and get some fresh air and daylight.

Today has been a positive day. I have been bathed, into town, then went for a jog this evening.

I ran past my ex, while I was out. Haven't seen him in almost a year. He looks really old, now. Glad I'm getting better at walking away from these divs.

Been very tearful today. Was last night, as well.

Christmas this year has been very isolating. I've gained weight and my body hurts and feels old and stiff today.

I'm feeling really vulnerable, as I have arranged to meet a man on Friday, for a date. I'm not feeling good in my own skin at the moment. However, it is what it is. 

I have done some CBT type logic on myself and figured out that it's a good time to meet someone - as I am as big as I get, at the moment. Anyone worth getting close to won't mind and if they think I'm good enough at my worst, then that will be a lovely thing. If they don't, then it's good that I know. I'd rather know before I got close to someone, that they wouldn't still want me 7-10lbs heavier than I usually am. 

I am having some hormonal issues....twice in two weeks. This is obviously going to make me feel a bit worse. It really is a case of health things out of my direct control, impacting on my weight, at the moment, I think.

Anyway, one thing at a time and one day at a time. 

I'm going to meditate every day this month. This is my commitment to myself. I have a feeling other things will begin to fall into place, when I am in a good place.

I'll go for a jog again this evening, if I'm not in too much pain. 

It did hit me when I ran past that ex the other night. Some feelings resurfaced of "why don't you think I am good enough?!" It's sad because the truth is, he isn't good enough for me but that old wound, installed in my early years is still there, trying to get control back, to avoid the shame of not being good enough. 

Dear freda,

Just wanted to send you a quick message of support; I'm sorry to hear you sounding a bit low today; it sounds like you have been reflecting on various aspects of your life, as we are often inclined to do at this time of year, so I am glad to read that you are factoring in some self-care and kindness too. Reading back up the thread you have clearly made a lot of really positive changes in your life and, although it isn't always easy, your strength and determination really shines through. We'll always experience self-doubt at times and hear the 'voices' from our past, but as you become stronger, it sounds like you're making some really mindful decisions which can only impact positively on your health and well being. 

Take care freda and if you do need anything at all, particularly over these next few days, please don't hesitate in contacting us on the helpline or on the netline, both of which are available 24 hours a day.

Wishing you all the very best,

Forum Admin 

Thiking of  you freda.. We need spring.. Soon bulbs will be sprouting. Leaves and daylight returning...

Until later.. Take care 

Boo ?

Don't really feel like writing much. Just checking in! No gambling since last episode. A week today.

I was feeling really freaked out about having a date tonight, last night. Did not feel attractive at all. So, I drank half a bottle of wine and ate loads. Hmm. I still don't feel so hot and feel vulnerable about going to a strange town on the coach but I will show up and as usual, it will be fine. We will hit it off or we won't, we will fancy each other or we won't. 

I cancelled it. I just don't think I look attractive and felt really scared at the thought of someone looking at me. I don't think my mental health is very good, at the moment. 

BUT I am overweight. Medically, about two stones. I don't need to lose that much, to feel better about myself. I was just thinking, earlier today, that I quite like being curvy. I think I suit it. I'm just starting to get big.

Really sorry you cancelled Freda but I understand how it is to feel like you do at the mo. You like your curves, you suit your curves. Hoping it won't be long before you have the confidence to show them off. 

Take care x