Ground zero

Day 65: no gambling today.

Day 66: no gambling today.

I have had a very long, stressful and tiring day. I worked from 9am until 9pm and got home at midnight as I was working outside London. I am now looking forward to a good night's sleep before cycling to work at 8am tomorrow morning. The Oyster tube fares on my route to work have gone up from £2.50 to £2.70 meaning a return journey to work is now £5.40 rather than £5. I need to get cycling again and save money day-after-day, week-after-week, month-after-month.

Day 67: no gambling today.

I cycled to work this morning for the first time this year. It is so much nicer than paying for the priviledge of standing on a hot, crowded tube with my face pressed up against someone's sweaty armpit. Even with an Oyster Card - a great innovation - the cost of the underground in London is very high. I am looking to save around £100 per month by cycling to and from work each day. Cycling also forces me to exercise, which is a good thing as my job involves a lot of sitting at my desk. I just hope I do not get run over on the busy roads - although I have found a safer route that reduces the risk somewhat. However, this time of year feels more dangerous as it is dark in the evenings when I cycle home - even more dangerous when it rains, snows or is icy. Still, the days are gradually lengthening so things can only get better. Having said that, it will probably snow in London soon as we have not had any this winter!

Hi P

What a great way to go about your recovery and get fit. Hope it goes well for you. Keep posting and reading.

I do not understand why the GamCare staff do not remove some of the 'diaries' on this website that only contain one or two posts before subsequently being abandoned by the user. There are so many diaries on here and, to my mind, a diary is a record of events and feelings over a period of time and not a one-off post from six months ago, for example. There are diaries on here that were abandoned throughout 2010 and 2011 with only one or two posts to their name. It is annoying and it clutters up the site. It also makes more interesting diaries from the past, with multiple posts over an extended period of time, more difficult to find.

Day 68: no gambling today.

Actually, Pelle, I don't agree with you about the diaries that should be removed. On a couple of occasions I've selected random pages and read such diaries - the purpose being to reinforce my resolve. Most of them start start the same as all of us - some crisis, make-or-break situation - and, yes, they fizzle out after a short time (some just one entry). I read them and think 'There for the grace of God go I'. Read this one (don't forget the comment on the end)

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/for…dex.php?tid=168909&page=1

BTW, well done on 68 days!

Fair enough. I am probably wrong saying they should be deleted. I guess I just find it annoying and disappointing that so many diaries get abandoned after only a few posts. Should we assume that all of these people have simply relapsed? I guess so. I suppose it makes us feel better for still being on here, posting regularly and keeping the gambling demons at bay. Fingers crossed!

Hello Pelle, first of all congratulations on your battle so far, keep it up. I'd agree with Jim about the one off's, who have every intention after a bad day, but that is what this site is for. I've been here before, and I am potentially one of those one offs who will post for a couple of days, I hope not, but it stays as a record of my paltry attempts to final pack in. There are multiple entries in here of how many people have tried, slipped, come back again, slipped again etc Surely this inspires people to stick it out and deal with their own demons. It's certainly making me think, and I need to!! 😉

Good luck

Paul

Day 69: no gambling today.

hello pellekanin,

i understand your frustrations regarding a certain diary on here.

I myself a few times have wanted my own diary removed as i didn't like what i was readin/writing.

As gabrielle stated each individual can request it through email,but it can detract from the interest others have put in.

I decided not to for that simple reason and Also find my diary may come in handy for future reference should things go wrong again at home. (a 2 year bet free diary legally presented may stand up better if that makes sense)

the diary in question brought up a topic on the opg pages of being in control of gambling,then when the debate got going decided to pull the plug on that as well.

I have yet to see/read of any successful controlled compulsive gambling on here,and in my time there have been a few who have tried,i wanted to try saturday only bets myself at one time but failed miserably.

its not to say it cant happen but for the compulsion in us it makes it extremely difficult.

I have been following your diary without any input up till now and may i congratulate you on the excellent way you are going about your recovery.

Keep going friend,we can do this.

Best wishes,

winning post.

Today is another milestone in my recovery. I have reached Day 70 and have been gamble-free for ten weeks. I feel so much better as a person and, despite the constant worry of my gambling debts, I have not contemplated placing a bet for weeks. When I was gambling, I was a completely different person - I was selfish, rude, anti-social and I lost interest in my family and friends. I used to throw thousands of pounds away on horseracing without a care in the world and then feel awful after I realised how stupid and wasteful I had been. It was like I was living in a fantasy world and was betting with Monopoly money. Once I had maxed-out my credit card and overdraft, and having skipped lunch and dinner, I would crawl into bed shaking, head sweating, stomach churning and heart racing. I would try to sleep for as long as possible in order to escape reality. Since stopping gambling, I have made the most of my waking hours - catching up with good friends, cooking and eating with my wife, being more sociable at work and generally enjoying life again. The debts are still there but the person who caused them has changed for the better.

Hi Pelle, congrats on 70 days.

I so agree with you on the fantasy world, i was the very same, nothing else mattered and money had absolutely no value what so ever, if i had 50 quid on a 5/1 winner then my next bet would probably 250 win.. as i say no value on money, crazy. the first few days of not gambling made me see that fantasy world was actually a nightmare world, i recall lying in bed beside my sleeping wife shaking as i stared at the celling praying for a magic way out....

i think we agree that the real world we now spend our days in is a much happier, less stressfull place to spend our time.

Good luck to you on your journey, you are doing great.