Help

Thanks M

Hope your journey is going well x

Hi Matt,

Just read your diary from the beginning (at work...not a productive Friday!).

I lost a long-term relationship through gambling (& drinking) so I can relate, on some level, with what you have been through.

I must say though that 109 days is one heck on an achievement (I'm on day 4 so got some serious catching up to do!)

Take it easy and I look forward to reading more about your recovery

Phil

Hi Phil

I am sorry to hear you have lost your relationship mate. After reading mine you can probably see I have paid the ultimate price.

Day 4 is a great start. Take my advice, you have to abstain from everything, do not put yourself in a situation where you can gamble. The drinking part is tough too I am sure. I guess you drink to block the pain of your losses? I have been down that path too but the only true way is by being true to yourself.

You can never win at gambling, you always lose eventually. You now have a chance of being whoever you want to be. Day 4 becomes day 5, baby steps yes but it is another day richer.

You need to go and see a councellor and talk to as many people about your problems who will listen, it feels amazing not having these secret demons anymore. I am genuinely excited about my life now as tough as it will be to walk away from my family and sell my dream home, she has made it abundantly clear she cannot accept my mistakes so we both have to move on.

I owe them everything, without this traumatic event my life may have never changed. I read that 1 in 5 people who are problem gamblers commit suicide.....that should tell you everything the next time you even think about your next bet. I have been suicidal 3 times......that leaves me with the knowledge that I will never bet or do anything to hurt anyone ever again.

Stay stong Phil and thanks for reading my diary, it is productive pal becuase I hope it gives you just a little inspiration that you too can start to change your life around, even if it does seem pretty hopless at points.

Take care

Matt

Hi Matt,

Thanks for your message.

To be fair, I've always liked a drink and the two don't seem to be related (I'd gamble drunk, sober, in my sleep if I could!). I did tend to drink more after a loss though as you say, just to block it out (if only til the morning).

I lost a friend to suicide a few years back, he was a gambler and, although it was put down to depression, I'm sure that played a part. In relationships I lucked out, it's the first time I've actually managed to recover my losses as I'm now married 🙂

I am enjoying the challenge of being gamble-free so far and have even been to the pub every night this week to look the dreaded fruit machines in the face. Somehow I felt like I was winning by simply ignoring the opportunity to gamble. I appreciate this is a risky strategy but it gave me a feeling of victory when I walked away.

I'm going to talk to my wife tonight and let her know. She knows I gamble but, like most, almost certainly doesn't understand the extent or severity. I will also be talking to my parents at some stage but will wait until I have a few weeks under my belt.

Thanks again for your reply to my message. Like I say, I look forward to hearing more about your recovery as, like they say, there's only one direction from rock bottom.

Take care and keep on giving up!

Phil

Hi Phil

Yeah I have always liked a drink too, I am usually a very social drinker and my work has an element of social drinks with customers too.

The challenge of being gamble free is one thing but putting yourself at risk is another. I know I cannot even go to a race day now or buy a lottery ticket as it is a potentially slippery slope.

Talking to your wife I would say is essential, she will be able to help you immensely. I wish I had found the courage at the start with my ex as she would have been all over me like a rash and none of my recent problems would have arisen. She is an amazing girl but I have brutally broken her heart so I know I have to do the right thing and set her free and pray she meets that Princ e Charming.

I hope to be happy and in love again one day too, however I need to start kloving myself first.

Have a good weekend Phil and leave the fruit machines alone please!

Matt

Firstly, Thanks Matt for your message and hope you're doing well.

Day 5 today and the start of the first big test...the Weekend.

Sorry Matt, Just realised I posted this in your diary...Thought you'd replied on mine!

Full football schedule today and I will be going to the pub to watch City v Spurs, then Super Sunday tomorrow.

Determined to succeed.

Onwards and upwards

Day 110 today, first real good nights sleep I have had in a long while. Things obviously looking up.

Busy day and evening ahead looking forward to a few beers.

Stay strong all

Good luck Phil, day 5 will soon become day 6. Do not bet and spend the money on a round for your mates.

Day 111. Making lots of plans to catch up with people and start new hobbies and keep myself busy. Got loads on in the coming weeks, so that's good.

Starting some serious fitness training 3 times a week to get myself in shape. I'm broken but on the mend. No gambling urges and had a great night last night so starting to feel like me again.

stay strong everyone

matt

DAY 112, no gambling or urges.

Stay strong all, it is the path to a better future.

So tonight I try some fitness and end up in A and E with another shoulder dislocation. I'm so sick of life. That's the twelfth time I've done that and after I have had two operations to fix it.

Hoping to catch a break soon, these last two months have been simply traumatic. But I still will not gamble.

Day 113, sore shoulder but no gambling! I feel stronger everyday.

Well done on the 113 days. What happened to the shoulder?

I have had big problems for years. I have had two ops to try and correct it but last night during a simple exercise it popped again. Probably need a third operation at some point sadly.

Ooo painful 🙁 Try & take it easy Matt, baby steps to physical recovery as well as mental! I take it you have a good physio?