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Hi Matt,

What a great, honest post that was.

Congratulations on reaching one year gamble free....i never doubted you would get there.

Hope you go out and enjoy it the right way.
Damo

Congratulations matt! You've done amazing ! Your journey helped me where I am today 🙂 keep up the good work .

DAY 367

Busy day yesterday in London at a big conference. Tonight I am going to my folks for dinner, my brother and niece will be there too so that will be good.

Feel a bit subdued today, won't go into it too much on here but sometimes I feel I have maybe been too honest about my problems to people and maybe I get looked at differently. However I know who I am and what I would like to achieve in life and the people who won't accept me for me now don't deserve to be in my life.

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Well done on your year GF Matt, you are well and truly on Recovery Road! As for those people who may look at you differently just remember this - those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

All the best

DAY 368

After a couple of busy weekends I am very much going to chill out this one. I want to get my house in order and get on top of my life again lol.

It's a weird one, I don't feel the need to celebrate a year gamble free, my friends have asked if I plan to. It is hard to explain but I feel that this is the new me so maybe don't need to make a big deal out of it and just plod on now as a gamble free man.

Had a bit of a low yesterday. I think you were right Oldham that bringing everything to the forefront made me look back a little. I shed a few tears in the car yesterday as I felt sad that I lost the relationship with my exes little girl. I have been focussed so hard on recovery and breaking free of the pain and limbo I guess some of the memories I have got a little lost and tarnished. All part of the grieving process I know but still feel sometimes that it was a harsh and horrible end and it didnt need to be that way.

Life is good for me now so I will walk forward with that, not run with it. I want to take my time to appreciate exactly what I have now and move forward at the correct pace to enjoy it.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Matt

Hi Matt,

I'm new to the forum and have just read your story and i hope i can take inspiration from yours in my own recovery. Its great to see you have such a positive outlook on life. Thanks for sharing and good luck in your continued gf life.

Norman

Day 370

Life is so so different now. I guess I've been through the re-adjustment phase and I am now settling into a new normal. Haven't done much this weekend. Back in my gambling days I would have been killing the time with football accumulators and glued to my phone and soccer Saturday. Today I went to an animal sanctuary and tonight I am meeting up with a friend for dinner who I spent most of my early twenties living with.

Appreciating the calm and the life I now have gamble free is a real blessing. Not sure what the future holds for me but it has to be better now.

Stay strong

Matt

Hi matt, haven't commented on your diary before but its incredible to read the difference in your attitude over the first year of your recovery. Pretty inspirational to those of us fighting urges in the early stages!! I'm looking forward to reading what life has in store for you in the future, good things I am sure. You have been through the fire all right but you've gained wisdom compassion and an ability to be in touch with your emotions rather than avoidance and running to addiction - priceless. I've just read the following words from your diary, and they are going to be my inspiration today:

"To think that my problems nearly overcome my spirit makes me a little angry. Gambling nearly took everything away from me and I refuse to ever go back there."

Thanks
4D

DAY 371

Hi 4D. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read my diary and if I can help/inspire anyone trying to beat this illness then it really is worth it. This diary has helped me immensely in my recovery, sometimes because I needed to get things off my chest and other times because I know I don't want to let you guys down with a relapse. I want people to know recovery is possible no matter how bleak the situation appears to be. One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time but it is possible and it only leads to better things if we don't take that next bet.

I wish you all the best in your journey 4D and thanks again for reading my diary and stopping by to comment.

Matt

Hi Matt thanks for posting on my diary. Great to see you forging ahead with a good attitude. Ups and downs are part of life and we have to accept it won't always be a bed of roses. What counts is not so much what happens to us but how we react to it. We now have our lifes to live, lets get on with it and have some good times.Take good care of yourself Matt and keep blazing that trail ....stephen

Matt your story is an inspiration. It's been over a year without gambling and you have grown, flourished and encouraged others.

So now you have better things to do with your time like visiting an animal sanctuary instead of painstaking pointless betting analysis.

Day 372

230 days ago On Day 142 I wrote

I really do hope my story can help others avoid the same destructive paths I have taken.. I have been to rock bottom, I am probably half a step up from there . I am still emotionally destroyed and feel the pain every single day but I know the only way through it is not gambling and to continue to straighten out my life. I am a good person and will be a better man for my experiences. I have a huge sense of loss which overwhelms me on occasions but I know I have to move forward day by day and part of that moving forward is leaving my mistakes in the past.

My low self esteem problems created this gambling illness and led me to self destruct, push people away and lose them from my life. I am so grounded now and so ready for my next chapter, whatever that maybe. I cannot say I am excited as that would be a lie but what I can say is I like the fact I have no secrets, no skeletons in the closet and I fully understand what led me to this point in my life. I want to be proud of myself one day for overcoming my problems and hopefully creating a life from scratch that gives me fulfillment, love and a real purpose to be the man I always wanted to be.

Keep going everyone GF is the only way.

Reading that it appears I had the foresight, if not the certainty that a life gamble free would improve things for me even in the middle of heartbreak and with no certainty of my future or what lay ahead. Now on day 342 I can say I am so so glad I stuck at it and do feel a sense of pride I got to where I am today, despite all the challenges I faced and feeling pretty worthless at the time.

Keep going everyone and thanks for your continued support, it is invaluable to me.

Matt

Hi Matt Thanks for posting, you have made it loud and clear that it is possible to get through practically any s*** that life throws at us and for others reading your diary will see this as a lifeline. Changing your behaviour, mindset and becoming the person you want to be is a huge challenge so upmost respect to you and you deserve every happiness. Thanks for bring a consistent presence during my journey, take care S:)

Matt, You have come along way from the pits of hell, and have changed for the better since you became g.f. Ok the losses will always haunt us and will serve as a prominent reminder of the distruction to our lives. But like you say, when we break free there is the chance of real improvement and happiness in our lives.

Matt, belated congrats on the 1 year gamble free mark! From following your story it will be the first of many 🙂

Well played m8.