Help

day 536

A year ago I wrote "I am not quite ready to re-live the pain just yet but I hope one day I can look back and be proud of myself and my recovery despite all the horrific pain I experienced."

I am very much getting there. I can look back and be proud of my continued recovery, I now see the mistakes I made as a positive rather than a negative and I am learning everyday from them. It still isn't easy at times but nearly 18 months without a bet and life is so much better than it was back then.

Looking forward and living in the present and appreciating what life has to offer without gambling. I should be debt free in a few months and then I can enjoy life even more!

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Especially gambling Debt free, I will celebrate that day.

DAY 547

Great long weekend had. Friday sorted my house out. Saturday went to Brighton for dinner. Sunday caught up with my parents, had a beer with my Dad and brother. Then in the evening had a party at my house which everyone throughly enjoyed and all had hangovers on Monday. Monday was fairly chilled, I have a new GF now and it was her Birthday so gave her, her presents which she appreciated and then went for a roast dinner.

A year ago today was the day I returned to my house after a couple of months away and had to move back in accompanied by my ex and the new boyfriend she got herself in that time. I had regained my composure after a few months of emotional abuse, I had worked on myself, commited to a gamble free life and had to regain control of my life. I still look back and wonder how the hell I did it but I did and I am most certainly now in complete control of my life and reaping the rewards.

A huge ammount has happened in the last 18 months of my life but I am most definitely a stronger person for having experienced it all.

Matt

Hi All

Haven't updated for a while, been a busy period.

So today is 557 days without a bet after 15 years+ with this addiction. A lot has happened in recent times but I feel I am fully adjusted to my new gamble free life.

My finances are looking healthier than they have done since I was 21! I own my own house, live on my own and really enjoy my life without gambling. I rarely get any urges or nagging feelings like something is missing or need a buzz. The work I have done on myself I feel is now growing fruition as all seems to be going well. Summer isn't far away and I can't wait to embrace it. Financial freedom, gambling freedom and zero secrets or shame to carry anymore.

Have a great weekend everyone

Matt

Matt, you inspire me to be a better individual..am so pleased for your happiness and success..have a great weekend. Julie xx

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Thanks Julie, that is kind of you to say so.

day 560 today. Had a good weekend. Saturday went to the football and my team won hurrah. I went with the guy who helped me no end last year by letting me stay at his, during some testing/traumatic times.

Really looking forward to some nicer weather now and plan to get in the garden. Cannot believe how quickly a year has gone, time and life is precious people, don't waste it gambling.

Matt

day 564

Tough one and first tears shed in a long while. My Uncle who is a top top man has been diagnosed with liver cancer and maybe only has a couple of months. Life is precious, it is short and it is a slap in the face that I have chosen to waste nearly half mine gambling.

Stay strong everyone

Matt

Think of you and your family Matt, big hugs S x

Best wishes to you all Matt. I know its easy to regret past actions but you did make that life changing decision to stop your addiction. Life is percious and from what you have written here the last year plus you are living it.

All the best mate.

Hi Matt

o*g I read the first few posts of your diary and then flicked to the last few, what an inspiration, as I am only about a month into been gambling free I have nothing but admiration for where you have got to now with this - well done. I one day hope to get to where you are now, I can relate to your relationship story as in I lost my girlfriend because of the person gambling was making me be, it’s hard isn’t it because you want to be the person you know you really are but gambling is very powering and just won’t let you be that person. Keep up the good work and really well done.

Hello Matt. Wishing you well. You have certainly turned your life around in the last year and a half and are a great example to many of us.

It saddens me to think of all the people who cannot progress because they are trapped in a cycle of gambling addiction. People like your good self are showing others that there is a better life to be had, if we can break free.

Our time is very precious, we would all be wise to explore our options and aim to live a meaningful life. I hope your uncle is comfortable and at ease.

Hiya Stephen will catch up with you later just wanted to touch base much love x Lulu x

DAY 567

Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate the support as ever and I know I wouldn't have got to where I am without it. I have turned my life around and I hope my journey can help others to do the same. We don't get the benefit of hindsight in life but I am telling you now if you do manage to free yourself from this horrible addiction's ***, you too will be guaranteed a more fulfilling, happier life. There are no guarantees in life but I assure you life is better without that next bet.

So this weekend was a good one. Weather obviously helped because when that sun is shining everything feels a little easier and opens up a new dynamic of going outside in the garden or out into the sunshine. I probably went 15 summers where I was glued to a computer or mobile betting on random sporting events and not enjoying life as much as I should.

This weekend I mowed the lawn, threw a bbq and then went on a restaurant sfari yesterday (3 courses, 3 different restaurants). Had some of the most amazing food and a stroll along the coast. That is something I would never have thought to do when in the gambling haze.

Stay strong everyone, being gamble free is the biggest challenge of an addicts life but the rewards will just keep coming I promise you.

Matt

One cannot change the past but can make the future better and that is what you have been doing.
What a transformation.
Living life how you should be.

day 578

Just checking in really. Life is okay. I have to get my boiler replaced to the tune of £2300! This would previously cause an urge to gamble, to win some funds to pay for it. Fortuantely I now have an emergency fund account and can afford it. It clears the account and some but I am comfortable which goes to show how far I have come.

I have some friends visiting tomorrow for some sunshine beers and stay the night, that will be fun. Sunday my folks are coming down for lunch and Monday I plan to enjoy the weather and chill out in my garden.

Wishing everyone a fantastic weekend.

Matt