Help

Day 70 begins, no urges at all to gamble or self destruct. Truly feel this is finally my time to leave this all behind me.

Long road ahead and under no illusion it will be hard but this all feels so different now. Am I back? Do I now truly have a shot at life in the proper context?

I never plan to even buy a lottery ticket, a life free of risk but one of total fulfilment in a different way.

Stay strong everyone we can do this.

So good to read your positive post Matt...be proud of yourself, 70 days gambling free.

Day 71. No gambling urges but more horrific feelings of grief over losing my family. I have never felt this free of my troubles but I have equally never ever felt so sad.

I just want my family back and prove to them how they are my reason to be a better man. I miss them so much

Just feel so lonely tonight. Everything destroyed around me but still no bets

Matt I have just read your diary from start to finish, I feel for you , I really do...but I'm inspired by your story....the emotions, the pain is everything I feel about myself right now, I am only on Day 4 but joining this site and reading the stories of others is giving me so much strength and I thank you sincerely for sharing your journey....

Stay strong Matt, life can only get better and time is a great healer, your family need time to heal as do you.

M x

Sorry you are hurting so much tonight Matt....

Hi M.

Thanks for reading my diary. Well done on day 4, I hope you have now reached day 6 and staying strong. I have no advice for you really other than to remember you can NEVER win when gambling and you have to commit to NEVER betting again. Hopefully once that path starts the road to happiness truly begins.

Day 73 for me today. Tomorrow I get paid and can really start having a go at my debts.

My personal life is a disaster but if I can build the foundations of a gamble free life the rest will I hope follow. I have another session with my councellor later too. I am really finally addressing these problems and lightening the load.

Rhoda, thank you also for your kind words.

Matt

Day 74 today.

Suffering so much with sadness and missing my family so much. The feelings are simply overwhelming me. I will not bet and have no urge at all to do so or anything else stupid. Just wish it was all so different.

Hurting so so badly, I wish things could have been so different. Totally destroyed lives as well as my own

Day 76. Wide awake at 550am. Miss my beautiful girls so much. No bets yesterday or urges. I won't be gambling today

Totally destroyed? No. Caused intense pain, disrupted, confusion, fear, guilt, anger, sadness....yes your choosing to gamble may have caused a whole gamut of emotions and practical difficulties...but not total destruction. Those wildlife programmes always amaze me where land is arid and nothing seems to live, then there is a downpour and green shoots appear everywhere. That's your life Matt and the lives of those you love, green shoots are appearing.

Hi Matt, I have just caught up with your diary and situation.

Great to see you are still moving forward.

Your story is very like my own, the only difference is that my relationship is still hanging by a thread.

Please take a little bit of solace in the fact that you have just doubled my resolve to beat this horrible addiction.

I have just walked through and looked at my kids sleeping and my wife up already ironing and realised they are my life, to lose them would break me totally.

Im so proud of you for keeping moving forward through such a sad and emotional time, i am sending positive thoughts and hope that your actions of the last eleven weeks start to result in some positive outcomes.

Stay strong, my intuition tells me happiness might be closer than you think.

Sbb

I thank you all so much for commenting it truly helps.

My demons run a bit deeper than gambling my insecurities and fear of going off the rails again also led me to cheat on my partner a while back I never let her in and just went on self destruct.

I ended the affair and commited but it has all come to light so I'm living with being a gambling addict, a liar and a cheat.

This is the definitive moment in my life. My old life is gone. Those green shoots are not here yet but I know I have to stay strong.

Another day gamble free. I'm a better person today than I have ever been. Time to get my head on that makes decisions rather than hides into a blurred mess of a life

Just wanted to drop by and say Well Done Matt...76 days is an achievement to be proud of and I salute you!

Sending a cyber hug from one CG to another..

M x

Day 77 today. Life in tatters but no gambling.