Here we go again....

If it's to be the last time, then you need to do things differently. You're not some passive leaf blown about in the wind. You make choices, take ownership of your choices.

There's a host of advice about blocking your access to gambling, counselling, meetings, telling your family. But if you choose not to follow it because you want a few doors left open, then there'll keep on being a next time. The bet to avoid is the first one but if you do place it then that's your choice and you alone are responsible for it.

As for your partner, the best way for him to help you is to help himself first and foremost, and then as far as possible, to help you to help yourself. Bailouts, not taking all necessary measures to protect himself and tolerating the intolerable from you just help the whole miserable merry-go-round to keep on turning. There's support out there for him via GamAnon and GamCare but he needs to admit the problem and take the support. Why doesn't he? Are you making it harder for him to? Because such was my experience first time round but I see now that I was put off by a paper tiger.

It's about choices and taking responsibility for those choices. About actions that you take or don't take.

It's doable and life is a whole lot better for doing it, hope you both go for it.

CW

I wasn't fully committed and left doors open ... pretty sure I've closed them all more people know than before and I've opened up to people who want to help me ....I know we can be happy I just need to stop this self destructive mode don't want to hurt myself or him I know we can have a good life if we can beat this x

Day 2: handed over all my financial control to my partner in hope this may work as it wasn't something we tried before ... however he thinks I'm just lying and that I have other accounts ... I'm not sure I'll ever undo the damage I've done

Hi,

Passing over financial control is a good move. Mrs Bal took control of everything and i carried NO regular cash.

The times i had cash, i then had to provide receipts and change to the penny.

I took lunch with me. Car had petrol. Anything to break that cycle and keep me away from the FOBT. By having no card or cash i couldnt gamble

I now have my card back and our joint account is available as and when Mrs Bal wants to check. No surprises. No lies. Peace of mind. Withdrew ВЈ100 yesterday which is needed for tomorrow. The receipt is in the jar if needed as is the £100

Trust does come back. At present you need to earn that and tough love may be the way forward. It just takes time. Dont take one step forward and two back.

Best wishes

Sorry but secret accounts do happen, it's a valid concern. He can reassure himself by obtaining the £2 statutory credit reports from all three credit reference agencies in his name and yours. You'd need to cooperate but that won't be a problem if you've nothing to hide.

Given that you have lied and recently, he can't trust you, at least not in financial matters. And being on the receiving end of lies from someone who is supposed to love you hurts. Enormously. Don't expect him to trust you but demonstrate (as in actions, not words) what you are doing on an ongoing basis to address the addiction.

Hope you turn things round for you.

CW

Nannai,

This is the last thing on Gamcare I am going to read and reply to tonight, but I wanted to write to you.

My gut feeling is telling me your life needs to change. Your un-happy with something? I don't know what it is, but I know your un-happy. From that un-happiness comes gambling. I know or believe I know why I gamble. Ask yourself honestly why you do. There is one thing that concerns me in your post and I am not trying to make your partmer out to be a bad guy. But why are you 'cheating your partner out of money'. I assume your working? If not then that is not what I am getting at, but why the first time and this time, is it his money. Why when this has all come out now, has he said you have other accounts? Is that true, and if so then you have, and that is the door that you have left open. A relationship needs balance, it is a partnership, not one over another, yes there are strengths and weaknesses but essentially there is equality and trust and sharing in that relationship. For your sake, I think you need to look at your realtionship with yourself, and ask youself who Nannai (I know your proper name, but don't want to be disrespectful by using it on an open forum) is, and what is she expecting and getting from life. You seem to be in debt to the world. There is no debt Nannai, yes you have a gambling addiction, so many of us on here have, but unless I have missed something, you have not comitted murder! Be kind to yourself.

With all my bestest wishes.

Julie x

Hi Nannai

My husband is the recovering CG in the house. He had a secret bank account for gambling which he hid from me by changing logins to his credit report and spinning me a line about it.

I now operate every account including his own basic bank account which is purely for receipt of his salary, see receipts for the spending he does on the bank card(he doesn't routinely carry even small change) and have ongoing access to his credit reports via Noddle (Callcredit), Clearscore (Equifax) and Experian via MSE's Credit Club. I would suggest you offer this access to your partner as he's going to need to see for himself you have nothing to hide. It's not wise or advisable for us f&f to take a CG's word on anything financial without seeing proof. Show your partner you mean what you say with action not words. Action is what will count with him.

And don't forget that you need support too. Hope your having an okay day. I am on a study break. 🙂

Julie x

Thanks for all the comments, what we have decided to do is put my account down to a basic account, ( he already knows all money coming in down to the penny so he is aware of any spending) also when I get chance to go to the branch I'm going to have the internet banking set up to his phone number ... I have informed him the information you can obtain from credit reports also ... sorry for the late reply ... trying to get through the alien films before the new one at the weekend x

Day 3: today was emotional but in a good way .... kept my self busy by cleaning which made me feel so much better !! I have an episode of criminal minds for the morning and a little more cleaning as don't have to be up and out until 12 xx here's to day 4

Day 4: been a busy bee keeping occupied, changed the bedroom around ect ... feel a disappointed in the trust I've lost still but coming to accept can't go backwards all I can do is fix going forward ... day 4 over and out .... here's to a successful day 5 cx

Hope Day 5 has gone well for you Naomi - keep busy!

Thank you detrimental! Wasn't the easiest with a poorly little man tensions were high ... however I kept busy .... counselling again tomorrow.... tense but positive... here's to day 6 !

Over and out

Naomi x

Day 6: (a little late) had second one to one counselling session today and it felt good to tell her my outcomes of the week and how my mind set is changing .., I'm far from fixed but I'm happy to be aware of my situation and to be clearing the foliage .....

Here's to day 7 !

Naomi x