Here's to a better life!

Day 10

Into double digits!

Trying to keep my feet on the ground as been here many many many times before.

I'd be lieing if I said I wasn't still apprehensive about the future.

I am however grateful for the support I have tomorrow.

@t604bvfskn well done mate ive done 1 whole week and im finally feeling more normal i was feeling angry at myself for getting myself into this mess but am also more accepting toward this illness, time heals all pain one day at a time, im very confident in myself even though it not been long as my previous relapse i always wanted to make my previous loss back and then quit for good which never happened i wish i relapses alot sooner tbh as i know now even if i got losses back i will want more and the chase will begin this was one of the main triggers i feel more confident in myself for the future ive taken full responsibility for my actions and i have other plans if gambling urgues becomes another issue 

@tazman Well done Taz!

One day at a time mate, but good to hear that you are feeling more comfortable and understanding of the urges

Day 11

Had a great session with therapist today. 

Learned a lot about myself and how other potential factors such as my ADHD are playing a part in my gambling binges. 

Grateful for the opportunity to learn and looking forward to future sessions.

Also looking forward to GA tonight, the Tuesday group are a good bunch and hoping I can learn more.

Day 12

Had another GA meeting last night, managed to speak in the chair again - although I am not sure if what I managed to say was coherent in any way.

My biggest struggle at the moment is my brain - it's the constant overthinking everything and my brain working at a million miles an hour.

I was saying to the therapist yesterday that its a double edged sword - the same brain can make you good and efficient at certain activities, but it can also work devilishly against you.

I do believe that one of the key elements of my recovery will be learning to slow things down - most of my gambling was done in an 'all or nothing' state.

Still, taking it a day at a time and I know I have meany things to learn on this long road called recovery.

All the best to anyone reading this,

Jim

@t604bvfskn i use to enjoy gambling that was one of my triggers, i use to say i will bet small and if i lose it wont matter which very rarely happened as i couldnt stop the last couple of years i began to hate gambling i didnt enjoy it however i was sucked in different reason from boredom playing a factor to personal issues and it always caused me financal hardship the last relapse i never even thought of gambling funny thing is i got an unexpected small fine which i was given wrong information for that caused me stress any normal human being would have paid it and moved on however i ended up gambling and i made enough to pay the fine 10 times over however my thought process changed and my plan was to win the money from the last few relapses and quit i actually came very close to it but i just couldnt stop i lost it all then my brain couldnt comprehend what had happened and i ended up taken a loan out i believed i could make half of it back and quit and i actually did but did i stop no i ended up lossing that and the loan i felt like i was being robbed and their was nothing i could do about it the last few hundred quit i didnt go to win i wanted to lose i wanted to learn my lesson, the urges were playing tricks with me as i actually needed £100 to pay a mate off but i come to realisation im glad ive lost even if i had won all my losses back their no way in hell i would have been able to quit it wasent suppose to be if i can accept this for the rest of my life and not get lured in i know for a fact my life will be alot better

Day 13

Not been too bad today, had a few urges but did my best to recognise that these are the 'gambler' element of my brain.

Still struggling with overall mood and focus but hoping that is going to pick up as I progress through recovery with the support of family, friends, GA and therapy.

Off to the gym in a minute - one thing I have noticed is that I am more consistent with exercise since starting my recovery.

2 Weeks!

Day 14.

Felt the best I have felt today so far in my recovery.

I would say I am far from feeling 'good' but the usual day to day overthinking and worrying and lack of focus was just that bit less.

Managed to get a quick gym session in tonight and then headed to my second GA meeting of the week.

Was the best one for me so far - it was great actually listening to others and trying to learn, rather than sh*tting myself the whole time.

Got a few more logistical things I need to get done this week but feeling in a good place to tackle them.

@t604bvfskn thats amazing however for me ive already done 3 years before and ive done 6-9 months over many time so for me this isnt an achievement, however saying this im alot more confident in myself and am aware i shouldnt be anywhere near any of these establishments or anything gambling related, my only addiction was roullette nothing else it the gane that gets ny heart racing, so am alot more aware now

Day 15 

Had a nice day today.

Met my Mum this morning and brought my dog with me - we all had a nice breakfast and then took the dog over to a nearby country park for a nice walk.

Managed to get through some more practicalities today as well.

Just finished up a gym session and now enjoying dinner at the gym.

Have a good evening all,

Jimmy

Day 16

Feeing relatively okay today.

Had a nice breakfast out this morning and then went to watch Oppenheimer.

Really intense but thought provoking film.

Looking forward to a positive week this week.

Goals:

-Attend 2 GA meetings

- Finish closing my credit card accounts

- At least 4 gym sessions

- Good solid diet throughout the week.

Have a good week all,

Jimmy

@t604bvfskn wow amazing im nearly two weeks G/f myself i will be going cinema to watch mission impossible if u book online its only £5 im beginning to enjoy stuff again, cant be too content one day at a time

@tazman Well done to you mate 

Been wanting to see Mission Impossible myself.

It's great being able to watch a film and not be checking football scores for my bets.

As you say though - one day at a time

@t604bvfskn i realised i was only addicted to roullette i did the odd football bet and dogs never was an issue thats the only addiction i had i just couldnt stop and even if i did i would lose it again ive just been watching Phil on youtube he been very helpful here a link https://youtu.be/oP6zVPRD3UU

Day 17 without gambling for me.

Starting to feel some positivity creeping in now which is very much welcome.

Also beginning to notice that I am more 'present' in conversation and also in my own thoughts.

Had a bit of a slow day today, but still managed to get a short gym session in.

Got GA tomorrow night which I am looking forward to.

Onto tomorrow...