Hope

SA

fella I hope you enjoyed the breakfast!!! sounds delicious,mopped up with some tea I hope!!

I agree whole heartedly regards the continued presence on the forum,for me if the price of keeping my hard earned is gifted through topping up the resolve here then

Fill your boots my friend!!

for me whatever you write on your thread is related to your compulsion to gamble,because it is life without gambling.

Keep gifting yourself

Only one thing will sound better than 580

That's 581!!!!!!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 581 gambling free... and thanks all

I was up with the larks this morning and did a 16 mile run before it got too warm. Its been a while since I done that sort of distance but brings me confidence to do an autumn marathon once more.

When I reached 18 months gambling free, it kind of started to make sense that I really don't want to go through life trying to win money anymore. Its not the way of things. I earn money and pay my way. It feels better that way, contributing and achieving and dealing with life on life's terms and not running away from it.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA

I have not been on this forum for long but how it is changing my outlook to gambling is quite unbelievable

You have 500 days plus in front of me and you continue to post on here and encourage new people like me

I am determined to still be on here when I reach 500 plus days and encouraging and supporting because it is all part of being aCG you are an inspiration to all of us

Keep posting and staying strong I for one Thankyou

Suzanne x

Hi SA

Thanx for dropping by and am impressed with your running and of course g free time 🙂 way to go my friend and keep them both going.

Had a bit of partying last night, so wasn't in too fit state to hav a good run, esp in this sun, but I did get out and about 5 miles did good to me. Cold shower after and back on my feet in no time lol

Good to see your attitude towards money. It is the only way forward - only by earning money with our hands and sweat we can lead our lives to a lot healthier direction.

Keep making the right choice

Take care

S x

Slowly but surely edging towards the 600 mark. The last week or so can't have been the best weather for running...I guess you do have to get up really early to get out before it gets too hot.

I've been to the point where I stop posting on here, and I can't speak for anyone else, but I find gamcare is the crutch that I don't want to give up...as each time I have it has eventually led to one thing. I too want that life where gambling is no longer an option to consider.

All the best

Ryan

Hi SA,

I'm so glad to read that you are doing so great. I don't often know what to say on your diary, as I feel I've said it all before, but I respect you for the effort you put into your recovery.

I really liked what you said a few days ago about having a puncture on your bicycle tyre I think it was, and being able to get it fixed straight away with no drama. That is what life is like when you don't gamble. Things break, and you get them fixed, and it's simpler.

I'm always in awe of people who can run long distances. It's something I've never been able to do. I'm off work until the University year starts again in September, and have set myself the challenge of running 1 mile!!!! This sounds stupid, I know, but I will be so proud when I achieve that goal. To me, it's a challenge!

Take care,

f x

Day 587 with not a penny gambled on any form of gambling.

Thanks all for your supportive words, I will get back to you all soon enough.

Big week coming up. Interview Tuesday, for a permanent position at the school where am working through an agency. To be honest it already feels like am permanent staff and am doing nigh on 50 hours a week the last few weeks. The teacher in my class has given me positive feedback and already said that she wants me in her class come September.

However is not all rosy in the garden in my thinking. Its getting more challenging, am getting tired and once more I feel "burn out" just around the corner even though ive only been full time agency for 4 months. Most days am spat at, whacked and have come close to being biten on many occasions. I clean up children covered in /////, P*** and regurge and anything else you can think of on an almost daily basis. lol

Having said all of this the money is flowing in and the bills are being paid and come the end of term I will probably have paid off my council tax and water rates for the whole ****** year. Yee ha!

On the flip side again. Being permanent means monthly pay and I much prefer weekly pay. It also means booking annual leave well in advance and I hate that and all the extra paper work and staying late and responsibilities that you have with being permanent... and I don't want more responsibility, pressure and stress and that feeling that it will never end... just term after term of children at the challenging end of the autism spectrum disorder.

I like it on the agency. I want to carry on working for them on the agency. Its not all /////, its fun as well..the crazy things that you see and have to do. With one child if you cough she tries to batter the nearest person to her. So when a cough comes along you have to leg it out the classroom. Its funny... smokers beware lol

Question... Will I find the courage to tell them as it is?... will they keep me on as I am, so if it all gets too much I can just say "am not available next week" as opposed to "going on the sick" or "resigning" which is my usual modus operandi when ive had enough. Ive really got to do whats right for me and not whats right for other people. Am tired of going round in circles in my working life and yet I still am.

No gambling problems. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi S.A

Thanks for your supportive words

I can relate to your work situation

I am now in a job that I have been in for 7 years and that that is longest time I have stayed in one job

I have had a variety of jobs in my time and it has always been my choice to leave

I have had 2 promotions in my present job and I do feel like you the pressure of it being permanent and it is stressful

Infact I started gambling heavy after taking this job on

so I think my job might have been a trigger for me to end up in the oblivion world of online slots

I still find it hard that I have to do this job on a permanent position and I am always looking for ways out of this job

I too have to book holidays in advance like one year it really annoys me bacause I do not have a clue what I will be doing next month never mind next year

Having said all that I do have a permanent job and there are not many jobs around at this time so I am grateful I have a job at the moment

Redundancies are on the horizon for middle management (yes that's me) so I might get out of this job after all

I can't advise you what to do but I feel I know what you would like to do

I hope you don't mind me rambling on like this

but I can relate to what you saying

Me I am a jack of all trades and professor of none

But I like change

I wish you good luck with your interview and I am sure you will make the right choice for you

Day587 is absolutely brill

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Hi Ya S.A,

I just popped in to wish you the bestest of luck on your interview next week. Yeah, it's bitter with the sweet alright. It seems that it is the very nature of the work we do. Those kids you work with can be awfully tough and yet, we get attached in some ways and receive some gratification in other ways as well. I've already shared my thoughts about salaried employment. So I won't ramble. In the work we do you are right to be concerned about burn out. Over here, folks with permanent, full time, or salaried positions earn what's called ET or earned time. When a person wants to take a day off all they have to do is apply for an ET day. They don't need to call in "sick". Anyways, it's great to read your diary S.A. It always gives me hope that I too,can one day, kick gambling. One day at a time of course. Take care S.A, and here's a hug for all of the hard work you do with those tough kids that need your support but who often times lack the language and or the skills to a say THANK YOU! (((((((S.A))))))) -joanxxx

Day 588 gambling free.

Many thanks to you both. Your thoughts really help. Ive decided that I don't want to go full time permanent staff... but I will do the decent thing and attend the interview, because they did go to the effort to re-arrange things for me. I won't do much preparation and all being well they won't offer me the job... but I suspect that my reputation will follow me and they will offer me the job anyway at which point I will decline with some spurious reason ive yet to think of.

I do want to get back into permanent employment in due course, cos its not like am 21 anymore and can merrily go from job to job... but then perhaps I can cos I don't have children to think of, just myself. Anyway enough of this job stuff its stressing me out too much. Just want to get the d**n interview out the way.

Did my usual long run this morning. I twas wearing new shorts and I forgot to cut the label out and then it rubbed and rubbed until my lower back bled... ouch!

As for gambling... well ive red enough of old timers coming back after having gambled, thoughts are with them but as always a good reminder for me of how I feel after gambling. My addiction lurks just beneath the surface and I could gamble at any time. I choose to continue not to just one day at a time.

Thanks for listening folks... S.A

Life goes on.

Hey SA,

From glancing your diary...we both need a job!

Guess we shoud start or own one up...would be the bestest one ever......(think charlie and the chocolate factory)

Mind boggles eh?

Extra furry hugs

Womble xx

Hi S.A

Just want to wish you all the best today at your interview today

I am sure you will make the right decision for you

As you have continually made the right decision to simply abstain from gambling each day

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Day 590 gambling free.

Thanks both.

Well I attended the interview and performed fairly badly given that I'd done little preparation and then I said at the end that I wasn't sure whether I was ready to go back to permanent employment. So they have every reason in the world not to offer me the job. I also says to them, if I don't get the job can I continue in an agency capacity and they said yes. All being well I won't get the job and I will continue much as I am.

Anyway for better or worse I made my decision, and I will live with the consequences whatever they maybe. Job done. I feel good and I celebrated with a large Mc milk shake.. strawberry flavour... yum in tum.

On a serious point I realise how stressed out ive been the last few days, simply thinking about what I wanted to do and all the indecision and angst that goes with it. In the past I would have taken the edge off my stress through gambling. I don't do that anymore. I might take the edge off in other ways but these other ways don't have the awful consequences that my gambling does... so progress made... progress is a good thing.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Life goes on.

Hey SA,

Wow, Look at how far you have come...read your diary from early on, then read it now!

Power my friend...proud of you!

Love Womble x

Hi SA

Very well on abstaining through your stress

You are right stress is definitely a trigger to gamble

One of the reasons why we chase I think

I am sure you have made the right decision for you at this time with work

Best wishes

Suzanne x