Hope

Hey thanks folks... am doing ok in the great scheme of things I guess.

I got paid yesterday which was a shock.. a week early. Did I have an urge to gamble?...  yes I did which i wasn't really expecting, but suppose if I think about it, it was bound to happen. That's been pretty much what has happened almost every month for the last 3 years... live on pennies for 4 weeks, get paid, go gambling.

But of course this time, there is no opportunity to gamble, so those excited feelings of wanting to be in action, soon melted away and now am back to a more nomal way of thinking and being. It just goes to show that urges to gamble do pass.

Anyway that's me. Paid some bills. Will buy some food. Up at silly oclock in the morning to walk to work but happy that i have now got more than 3p in the bank and can live life a little bit more normally even in these abnormal times.

Thanks for listening.

Just for today

Hi SA,

Second post to you today! Im losing my marbles for sure. Today drags and just waiting for the shift to start ?...

Glad to read you got paid! And even more pleased to see that every hard earned penny is in your pocket! 

During such awful time, there are glimmers of positivity huh..strange...when disaster makes us think and reconsider.

We CAN live without gambling and we prove it every single passing day. Every situation, no matter how stressful CAN be resolved in different manner...its out there, in front of our eyes....when there is no easy escape, we simply deal with what is being thrown at us...emotionally, physically..

It just shows that we all are very capable in living "normal" lives...normal in some extent current events given but we don't have to run from difficulties into the slot machines no more huh..

You're doing well my friend, keep on pushing on!

How are you keeping? ?

Hope You're keeping safe and well. 

Do get in touch if i can be of any help with anything.

Look after yourself and take a good care of you.

Thank you foe what you do ❤

S&B xx

Nice one! Another cycle broken.

Thanks all 🙂 x

Am just checking in. All ok here. Am just taking a bit of a back seat for now. Working continues, I haven't caught the virus as yet. Am kind of happy just to have a job really. My heart goes out to folk who live on their own and who now don't have a job or any structure to life.

I think we should applaud everyone for just doing the right thing and staying at home and social distancing. It must be very hard when you have all the time in the world just being in doors just thinking about things. When your working at least you have something to focus on and distract yourself.

I keep on running. Is good for my mental heath.

Happy thoughts to all... S.A x

SA

fella just giving you a bump my dear friend because you and I both know that taking a back seat may open a door that is best kept shut

we have walked that road, for me I have a belief for the last time, something I would enjoy nothing more than  to share with your good self.

keep safe fella 

abstain and maintain 

Duncs

SA,

Ive gotten lazy with my posts in the past few weeks. I check your diary every day but Ive just not had the words recently.

Anyway, I hope your doing well and managing to get out for your runs in this fine weather.

RR

Well, the good news first... am ok. Physical and mental health not too bad all things considered,

I have not got or had the virus (as far as I know) and am working as normal and I have been out for an enjoyable run this morning.

The bad news, I got paid early this month (7th or 8th or something) and went straight to gambling. I found a site not covered by gamstop and gambled. I lost some money and then realised that I needed to withdraw what I had left in cash to stop myself trying to win the money back. So this is what i did. I haven't gambled since, so its been greater part of a couple of weeks gamble free.

I haven't wanted to admit to gambling so i lied and said everything was fine and decided to go quiet. Trouble is lying sits very uncomfortably with my psychological make up, but sometimes I do lie especially when addiction is in full swing.

I think to myself.... gambling addiction remains my greatest challenge. The reality is that the virus hasn't made a significant difference to my day to day life. I still have a job and i still live a fairly solitary life, same as before the virus.

Life goes on...

Anyway thanks for listening

SA,

Glad to hear you’re doing ok. Sorry to learn that you gambled but at least you’re ok and getting on with it.

One day its going to click and all come together for you and gambling will no longer play a role in your life. I am certain of this. I have always been certain of this. Personally, I look forward to that time for you. 

RR

Keep your chin up mate, don't let the slip ups define you. You haven't gambled since and just take it one day at a time. Hope all is well when you read this

Packer

S-A

Sorry to read that you relapsed. 

I'm a believer that if you make a mistake, that's okay, but change something to stop the same mistake happening again(twice).

I don't know your personal circumstances or anything about your recovery so I won't be arrogant to try to offer advice, other than what I've already said above.

Remember you're not alone.

Chris.

Echoing others. Don't isolate, now it's not the time to turned your back on the world.

We all bounce back, ..you will too. I have faith in you. 

Please get in touch if feel i can be of any help..unconditional...im here for you.

S&B xx

Thanks all... Am ok.

Am tired a lot of the time and struggling to motivate myself to do positive things. There is however the usual contrast at work, where I rush around like a headless chicken doing everything for everyone. I think part of this is that I know I have to stay in employment because I am so much on the financial edge even though I spend so little money once you take out bills and food spending. Sub conciously I feel as if I have to work extra hard. But then iv'e always been a bit like this cos I have always been on the financial edge and perhaps also that iv'e been brought up with a strong work ethic ie do the best that I can. Iv'e just done a couple of early shifts but trouble is I wake up so early now, (maybe its the worry that i will oversleep) that am shattered by lunch time cos ive been up since 3 a .m.

Continuing with the work theme I notice that colleagues whom are more financially stable than me are much more likely to take time off because of "suspected symptoms" then those whom are not. I think that "virus or no virus" money still talks unfortunately. I know that i won't go off sick unless am proper sick and look like a dying duck. We now have maybe 5 confirmed cases within the resident community, they are all in hospital. personally I think they all contracted it in hospital. No staff have it as far as I am aware.

A colleague decided she wanted to cut my hair and make it trendy. It went wrong of course. I now have a grade 1 all over.

My dad had a birthday. We all "zoomed in" just in time for virgin media to have a power outage. We all saw each other for about 3 minutes but it was nice nonetheless. We are all as well as can be expected.

No gambling issues. Its all blocked off.

Anyway, that's my update. I will get back to posting a bit more when it happens.

Warm regards to all x

Second post of the day.

Have just watched the daily corona briefing. Government is finally starting to get to grips with what is going on in care home like environments. In one sense I feel like the grim reaper going from apartment to apartment, yes i wash my hands, yes I change my gloves.. but we are told to wear masks only when someone is suspected of having... personal choice other wise. It should be mandatory really.

.... and then of course none of us know whether we have got it or not! Regular testing is crucial if government is serious about saving the lives of the elderly and the vulnerable.. and then add to the mix, for the likes of me, I am only going to go off sick if am really really sick, cos i would only get statutory sick pay and apparently we will only get that if we can prove we got the virus.... I feel like the harbinger of doom! The NHS and the social care system are poles apart in terms of organisation, equipment and training. The social care system was abandoned years ago and now its come home to roost. maybe that was the plan all along.

I need a run. Iv'e been sitting on my a**e eating all day.

Thanks for listening

 I didn't realise how depressed I was yesterday, probably brought on by tiredness and stress.

Today am feeling quite upbeat and cheerful after having gone for a run.

Getting out for a run is an absolute saviour for my mental health.

No gambling issues

Thanks for listening