Hope

Hello S.A

We're sorry to hear about your Dad. It sounds especially difficult at this time when it's difficult to have contact with family. And well done for putting your lapse behind you so quickly and not allowing it to continue. 

Just wondering - since it happened, have you put any blocking software on the new laptop? Since that was what allowed you to gamble. If you'd like a link to install Gamban for free, give us a call on 0808 8020 133 or Livechat with an adviser. 

Best wishes,

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Well iv'e just had a nice chat with an advisor and have now signed up with Gamban. I  need multiple layers of protection.

Whilst some people crave a cigarette, a pint or a pork pie when under stress, I crave the slots! It is what it is I don't think it will ever go away.

However on a positive, I have for the most part been going in a positive direction. The gaps between episodes have been getting longer over the last few months.

Am feeling fairly upbeat at this moment in time. I feel a jog coming on.

Thanks for listening

Jog jog jog!!!

Do a mile for me whilst i sleep ?

Glad to hear things are looking up! Blocks are big part in this journey.

We do need to get that marathon in my friend..pen it down for future!

Have a good day my dear friend

S&B xx

I can understand the numbness. I get it too. I'm 95% sure I'm doing the right thing letting someone go but have 5% of me panicking that it's now or never. Final. Too late. I've just numbed out. 

Thanks for your thoughts Freda 🙂

Am feeling cheery at this moment in time. The blocking software on this computer is doing its job and my urges to gamble are approaching zero because I know that I can't gamble. Like the virus my gambling head has been suppressed... it is has an R value of well below 1

But also, like the virus, it never goes away completely. I am an addict and there is a part of me that will always want to zone out to the slots for hours or even days on end, with all the deluded thinking, poor mental health, financial loss and panick that then ensues.

Iv'e got a few days off now. Am gonna try and properly relax and switch off and do stuff that's good for my physical and mental health... which will include a few runs in the cold and the snow (hopefully). Am gonna cook myself a few nice meals too.

Thanks for listening

Well it's snowing and predictably iv'e had a text from work asking if I will come in for the late shift. Iv'e said no and am determined not to feel guilty about it. Do I want to walk for 1.5 hours in the snow because the person whom is supposed to be on shift is not prepared to make the same efforts??... In any case its my birthday and my nephew has bought me a box of corona's and they need drinking. 🙂

If I was on shift I would make the effort. Other people don't seem to have the same work ethic.

No gambling. Blocks in place. All is good on that front.

Gonna watch the snow fall and walk or maybe run in it later 

Thanks for listening x

SA,

Happy Birthday buddie.

I went for a run in the snow last night. The way out was fabulous. The way back had a blizzard in the face for a few miles. Eyes stinging. Head down and got through it.

My work was shutdown today because of the snow. I’ve been working from home but apart from some calls its been a very quiet day.

I built the worst snowman in the world with the kids this morning. More like a baby snowman. The carrot looks gigantic on its pathetically small head.

I think you’ve made the correct decision with work. Its your bday and its your day off. Enjoy the day and your Corona.

RR

Cheers RR,

Must admit am fed up of the winter and the cold. I heat one room of my flat, cos for anybody whom has electric storage heaters ya know how expensive they can be. But even if I put them all on, my flat is still cold. The thing is I don't just want to live in one room, cos then I go into bedsit mentality, which brings back sad memories from the past. So I kind of dash into the kitchen for food and force myself to spend time in the lounge and in the cold. I put the bar heater on for a bit and then think, nah have had enuff and return to the bedroom and under the duvet. But over time this constant search for warmth takes its toll, especially when the cold wakes me in the night. I seem to have permanent bags under my eyes at the moment, despite my attempts to get plenty of sleep. I await spring.... come on you can do it 🙂

On a positive am close to paying off one of my gambling debts (in full). Now its been a long time since ive done anything like that.

No gambling. Gamstop and blocking software proving very effective on my ability to gamble and also with urges to gamble.

Thanks for listening

You lil grinch ?...enjoy the snow! Go out and play and then come back, have a hot bath, slip in that onesie (?), make hot tea and get hot water bottle ready - this way you can stay in any room ya want! Lol...case closed! ?

I actually think snow helped the society. Secret must lay in white and light colour. Haven't seen so many beaming smiles out there for the whole year so deffo something shifted ?...people are having proper family time now  & don't forget pets - they do too!

Do feel for you having to stay in a cold flat tho...hmmmm..a girlfriend? Maybe one could keep the fire burning huh ?

Glad to hear you're staying safe otherwise..a bit of cold can't beat g free time away from damaging slots! Keep on trucking dear friend!

S&B xx

Glad to hear gambling debts will soon be behind you. 

Just in case you didn't already know - oil filled radiators are cheaper to run and you can set them low, just to take the chill off a room. They start at twenty quid for little 400w ones. That size won't make you cosy but takes away the misery of fully cold rooms. I have been there with fuel poverty! It's not nice. 

f x

Ps - I'm so glad you continue to say no to work, when you need to and yes to yourself. This is huge. Honestly. How does it feel? I remember you saying it felt really difficult the first time. Practice makes perfect! 

Hi SA,

Thanks for your message on my diary.

I can notice a big difference in your posts. You seem to be in a better state of mind which delights me.

Sorry to learn of the issues with lack of heat in your flat but know that it won’t always be like that. You’ve stopped gambling, you’re paying down debt and things will improve with time and consistency.

Keep up the good work.

RR

Hey thanks for your thoughts folks. I think about what you all say.

On the face of it am having a good day and yet am feeling a bit flat a bit depressed and anxious even. Not sure why. Maybe its the fact am back at work in the morning. Iv'e been in this current employment for too long, its getting me down and yet I know I must stick to it until I find something else.

On a positive though, iv'e done all of the following

Long walk to M & S and back. Bought duvet and pillows with birthday gift cards. Looking forward to good night sleep.

Completed online training course for work and emailed it off.

Actually finished paying for a TV license, so now am a normal person who's actually ahead on payments... first time for years. Am a bit disgruntled about this, cos I still haven't forgiven the BBC for the pack of lies they told about 9/11, along with the rest of the mainstream media.

Ive also paid off a pay day loan. One of those companies that monitors your bank account so its good to get shot of them. Will now be working hard to clear a debt to the DWP.

So yeah positive stuff.... but still in a kind of shrug my shoulders mode. It is what it is.

Thanks for listening

SA,

That sounds like a magnificent day.

Putting things into perspective and comparing today to just a few months ago today is a good day.

I’m so happy for you. You are making progress. Keep at it things are getting better for you.

I like the duvet and pillows. I bet you have a dynamite sleep tonight.

RR

Yes your right. I must remember the really bad times, when I was gambling all my money away and forced to walk to work and back in all weathers and/or take all my sellable clothes to the recycling place just to get 4 or 5 pounds so that I could eat.

The walking to work thing has stuck though, which this morning was probably a mistake. The wind chill was very chilly. I was frozen solid as I got to work at 6.30 this morning. It was one of those mornings when I really should have got a taxi. But hey ho I guess my body is still physically tough enough to be able to cope with it. I guess am a bit of a masochist when it comes to things like that. Put myself through hardship rather than take the easy option.

Anyway, no gambling. I will sleep well tonight.

Am really am looking forward to the end of the cold weather and the end of lock down. Things will get better.

Thanks for listening x