Hope

Nice post SA

My thoughts are with you & your family.

Sincere Best Wishes

Al

This was was amazing  read SA...

Your family is so proud for having  you in their lives. You are truly amazing and lovely person to be around.

Thanks for being  you

Xx

Thanks all x

Contracts are just so s**t in social care. The only advantage of being on a set hours contract is that am guaranteed them hours. For guaranteeing them hours am required to DO the shifts am given (early or late and weekends), am required to work christmas (not allowed to take time off over exmas or new year). If I get sick there is no sick pay (SSP only), its minimum wage whether you work day or nights, no weekend or night supplement, no length of service pay rise, in fact no pay rise at all.... until of course the legal statutory minimum pay goes up.

And they wonder why people don't want to work in social care??

Iv'e actually asked to go on a zero hours contract, so I can work when i want to work and have some flexibility in life.

Moan over

Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. I so wish your family weren't having these struggles with morphine. Last thing any of you need.

As for the zero hours contract - hey, you never know, this could be really good for you. It's worth a try. From the terms and conditions you described above, doesn't sound like you have much to lose, anyway. 

Thoughts are with you,

f x

Well exactly Freda. I don't really have much to lose and yet am struggling to make a final decision about anything... well anything to how I live my life anyway. Its like I have this tendency to stick with whatever habits and work routines I have built up, however unhappy they may make me feel.

Iv'e spent the last 4 plus years working at a project which is not easy to get to when you don't have a car and yet there is a similar project just a 10 minute walk from my front door. Go figure!! The early shift at "far" project means am up at 4.30 a.m.... the late shift means am home at 11pm or later. At the nearer project I can get up at 6 a.m for the early and be home by 10.10 P.m on the late. Why did i choose the "far" project and not the "near" one???? Answer: because i was asked to and then i got use to it and then it became my normal and then I just put up with it. Cos thats what I do... put up with stuff, tolerate it. O well never mind it is what it is, just carry on and on and on till I drop lol

I spose if we dig a little deeper, its all down to my low self-esteem. I don't feel worthy. I suppose i don't feel like I deserve better. I think it probably didn't help that i am the youngest sibling. Tends to mean that you don't have to make so many decisions, cos the elder siblings pave the way. Its like if someone say to me What do you want to do??.... I might well say "Well what do you want to do?" as if it doesn't really matter what I want even if I did have a sense of what I wanted and if it was indeed valid or true. Not a very attractive quality to have.

Anyway to cut a long story short am lucky enuff to have some work at the "near" project just recently and am gonna do my best to stay there or atleast do a "majority" of  shifts there. Am gonna try and be good to myself for once, not break myself into small pieces through poor work choices.

Thanks for listening

Yessssssss!!!!!

Don't fight the strangeness feeling of this - it will pass. It's like standing up for yourself, for the first time. It can make you feel massive guilt and shame at first but it passes.

Well yes, that's it Freda. Change is a happening. I made the leap to the near work place. It takes me 10 mins to get to work, that's how it should always have been.... and it feels good!  Am happy that (as it stands) am not about to go through yet another winter of waiting for buses in the wet and the cold.... buses that may or may not show up.

No gambling

Thanks for listening

Dear diary, its been a week since last entry. No gambling in that time.

Its certainly good just having a short walk to work. I have no idea why I didn't make this change several years ago. But better late than never.

Same challenges though. Some difficult residents and some interesting colleagues, but on balance it is slightly easier than old work place. I don't tend to leave work now with an aching back or completely stressed out. I have done a few night shifts mind, which isn't good for me but I guess its part of my nature to go extra mile when needed. I will try my best not to make this a regular thing. I did negotiate a higher rate of pay mind for a night shift at short notice.. which would still work out cheaper for the company than if they had used agency and of course extra for me. I always need the money of course as I juggle my seemingly never ending debts. They don't stress me out mind. They seem happy enough that I just update them from time to time.

A few thoughts on Covid. I seem to be having lots of contact with elderly people with Covid. Only today I helped someone with a shower. After they were dried and dressed we did a lateral flow test and they tested positive. This isn't the first time this has happened to me and yet still I test negative, no symptoms, no nothing. Am either just lucky or super human immune lol. Seriously though I do think my luck will run out soon enough. Am not looking forward to 10 days of isolation in a one bedroom flat.

Anyway, overall things not to bad. The work move was a good move. Well done to me for making that change and hence being good to myself.

Thanks for listening

Well the novelty and enjoyment of having a short walk to work has passed. Am now back into the land of stress as Covid runs rampant through the project and having to work with one of my colleagues whom I would  qualify as a bully. Of course me being a sensitive soul with a fairly low self-esteem it perhaps effects me more than it would others.

You know how some people just criticise and tell others what to do in order to boost there own fragile ego. Iv'e come across these sorts of people before and you just feel like your treading on egg shells all the time. I think she gets a "kick" if she see's vulnerability in others. She the sort of person that you have to apply firm boundaries to otherwise they just take the P**s out of you. I find it very unpleasant just being around her cos you have to think about how to be and how to behave in order to psychologically protect yourself. Its horrible.In that sense my old place of work was better because it was a narcissist free environment. Ho hum.

Had my booster jab yesterday, sore arm today.

Anyway, no gambling

Onwards

Hi SA,

Great to hear about the job move but I also hear you about  the frustrations such change can bring. No workplace is perfect. There is always someone  there to bring a bit of bad  vibe over...and vice versus really, good ppl are there too. Balance I guess like in every walk of life.

The way you described  a colleague  send chills round my spine because a lot of that sounds like me. Except  I'm not looking  for vulnerabilities  in others, d**n, I'm vulnerable  enough  myself but I do carry an "aura". More than often "leave me alone" one. I can be unapproachable on many times and guess my colleagues  just doesn't  know how to deal with that. How would I deal with that? ? maybe stay away I guess. 

I think cause I'm so uninterested with life, it seeps through  in this "rat race" of life.

I remember  warning my new team about me and how I am a bit negative  person. Dull & sometimes intolerant.  I usually  go straight  to the point and when gob opens, all the trash comes out. Hard truth usually  and people are praising  saying that we need a voice to tell bosses of reality around and I guess I perfectly  deliver that but ultimately am left like "that" person who just "moans" ..lol...yup, that's  me! 

Look at that, all came back about me me me!..my apologies. 

I am however  glad you're taking changes in your stride and at least trying  to better yourself.  I guess shorter  commutes will start bringing  many benefits  to your quality  of life. I know myself that my 35mins cut on journey  is benefiting  me greatly!...however  regardless  this, challenges remains so just ride those out as you perfectly  do now and continue  on this journey  to better days.

Well done on keeping  clean from nasty establishments, day at a time indeed  ?

S&B xx

To be honest SB I just think am having a bad mental health day. I feel so tired, drained, my eye sight is f****d. Just finished the late shift. Iv'e given out so many pills and potions cos my colleague doesn't do meds, that my mind is just all fogged up. Iv'e got no ideas whether ive f****d up or not. So many vulnerable people to support with no staff. There will be nobody in charge this weekend cos the senior has tested positive.. so basically we are all on our f*****g own, muddling through, nobody in charge. Am on with agency on sunday.. so basically am on my own and i'm supposed to be the new boy. Nobody really gives a flying f**k anymore. I do my best but am just full of anxiety and rage at the moment. I t hink maybe am having side affects to my jab yesterday or maybe ive got covid, will do another test me thinks. Why have i manged to go through the whoile f*****g pandemic surrounded by others testing positive but never testing posjitive myself. Write here write now i actrually quite like the idea of 10 days just sirring in my flat doin g f**k all.

Thanks for listenin  g

Sb... i don't think your quite like my colleague... being a bit sullen, withdrawn and moody with the occasional outburst I can cope with lol.... my colleague is just constant moaning and character assasination, though to be fair when i am in a bad place it seems worse that what it is. I just wanna be one of these people that goes to work doean't give a f**k, spends lots of time looking at smart phone and gets paid for it lol

Nah b******s to that... I just wanna win the lottrey. get this.... I haven't bought a lottery ticket for 20 years. Ive bought hundreds of scratch cards when i gambled online but never played the lottery. never had the patience to wait of rht eresult. I want my millions now!!!... not on saturday 

Ok well time to calm down a bit i spose.

Thansk for listenin g

Hi SA,

Hear your frustrations and desperation in your post. World is not as it used to be and even the "strongest " are cracking in front of our eyes. Not good at all, I agree, - nobody seem to care any more either.

You carry big responsibility and dishing  out medication takes Its own strain on you. Something  what cannot go wrong...kudos to you for holding  it all together and leading the team to the right direction. 

As of the lottery,  I think that's  a dream every single one of us dreamt of at least once in our lives. Again, it's a needle in a haystack and I think pure luck to hit that jackpot. Us having this illness may bring unwanted urges on if we start tapping into that draw. But only you know yourself here ...just had to point out the risk it carries.

Jabs...bahhh...I am reluctant to get a booster. Whatever  next....a mandatory  flu one? Soon we will be carrying unknown chemicals  in our blood stream more than healthy stuff what should be there. Besides the two I had, are proper messing  with my body so guess enough  for now.

Hope you managed  some rest before the marathon this weekend.  Foot in front of another,  that's  all you can do. ...and please have a test done, you are surrounded  by risk of catching the virus so please take extra care and precautions. 

S&B xx

Hey thanks SB for your thoughts, wisdom and wise words 🙂 x

My mental heath has recovered. My anxiety has reduced. Things have a habit of working out.

My Sunday shift was as expected. The agency staff didn't show and none of the morning staff were pre-pared to stay on.... this is the reality in social care when your tired and stressed and getting paid minimum wage! So it was two of us, 4 job cards and oversight of 2oo plus apartments in the complex. No pressure then lol

I phoned the area manager and to be fare she was on the case immediately and literally went to another project to collect a staff member and then managed to get one of the morning staff to come back. I think she recognised the safe guarding implications of leaving the project dangerously under staffed. I spent my time running around like a loon medicating people but to be honest once I new that things were being sorted the shift was ok.

I was watching one of these documentaries about working on the hospital front line in the Covid pandemic. What I notice is that despite all the patients and all the pressures and all the stress, the team pulls together. Your surrounded by like minded individuals pulling together for the greater good. In social care you get that less. People are so poorly paid and unsupported that a lot of people just aren't pre-pared to pick up extra and my experience on Sunday proved that. It was only when staff were threatened with a safe guarding that anyone was prepared to come back. It is what it is.

Anyway, no gambling issues. Its nice to feel back on a level. managing my stress is a big issue. I need to go for a jog.

Thanks for listening

P.s I recommend the Ed Balls documentary on social care