I am CJ. This is my story

CJ. wrote:

Very true. I feel I did ok.

CJ.

For you, for your son, for your future, you did better than OK, you controlled all the controllables, you had opportunity to gamble and you chose not to, keep making that same choice.

It’s a very strange feeling to talk so openly about my addiction over the past few days. Usually it was my secret I kept to myself and told my Mum about occasionally.

What is interesting thinking back to Friday was the way my mind worked as I approached the services off ramp. It was like I had a devil and an angel on each shoulder.

‘leave your wallet in the car’

‘No you can go and use the toilet without playing on a machine on the way’

Then when I got in there I saw the flashing lights and saw Reel Kings feature flash up in front of me. At that point it was game over and I left the services pretty deflated.

I guess like you say @Compulsive Gambler I did better than on Friday or any other day last week.

CJ.

Have a good Day 4 CJ! Stay focused. Keep moving on up!

How’s tricks CJ?

Pretty good thanks and yourself @Change?

Yeah I’m ok. Really dedicating a lot of time to recovery and giving myself the best chance I can.

That’s what we like to hear. You are doing well so pat yourself on the back 🙂

Day 4

Had a pretty good day at work which was busy and then came home. Built a few solutions, negotiated some prices and began working on some big projects ready for next month.

Made a call to the gambling hotline to exclude myself from the betting shops in the local area. The lady I spoke to wasn’t very clear at first asking me about what shops I wanted to block myself from. After getting a little frustrated with her i played my walk through town and the next towns to block myself from every book maker available.

Now just waiting for the email confirmation from them to send my ID in and photo so I can be banned from them. I just wish it was longer than a year.

I joined the chat for the first time tonight and talked to some lovely people. I thought it would be gambling and debt related but it was nice to be random chat.

Whilst chatting I sat and watched the football and noticed every betting advert that came on. Probably because it was something at the front of my mind. I felt nothing though when they came on. In fact of one of them I laughed.

So overall a positive day for me.

I hope everyone else’s day was GF

CJ.

You come across as very articulate and methodical. You’re making some great steps. Keep going pal. The gambling is over.

I try my best. We all have our moments 🙂 sadly my moments used to have a pretty heavy cost implication.

After I’ve done the gambling issue to a point I’m happy with, I’ve got to work on the impulsive shopping and think do I really need a new iPhone or so I need x y z. One step at a time though.

CJ.

Day 5

Today has been a good day. Achieved a lot inside my little mind and walked 9 miles. Feeling like today was actually more of a great day.

Walked past every bookmaker in town and didn’t think about going in them. Just carried on walking and smiled to myself as music blasted in my ears.

I am now reading the forum and feeling more and more positive.

Interestingly enough I’m laying listening to the Greatest Showman sound track and the main song opens which reminds me of our battle against addiction.

I felt that covered off how gambling made me feel.

Here’s to more days free and great days.

CJ.

Nice post CJ :)) .

Congrats on getting the first 5 day's under your belt and nearly at the first week gamble free , those day's will soon turn to weeks and months one day at a time buddy :))

Thanks A9

Your GF days are impressive. Do you still get the urges or are you past it now?

Thank you Bud :))

If I'm honest yes I do but not in the way you would think .

If I get stressed out over something or as I mentioned in one of my recent post I have a lot of bills coming in, then my mind does what it's always done and think's of ways to get out of something ,I guess being a gambler I'd always been used to the quick fix and look for the path of least resistance ? .

Don't get me wrong I know now not to act on it anymore and those feelings soon pass , initially I really had to fight them off sometimes and it would get to the point of my stomache being twisted into knot's but these day's it's dismissed really quickly as I know where it would end .

I liken it too the withdrawl from giving up the ciggy's which I did over 25 yrs ago now , at times even now I'll smell someone smoking and think Mmmh that smells good ? but I'd never light up again I'm just not interested anymore .

I guess something thats so ingrained in our system is always going to be there but you learn to accept it and live alongside it .

I'm always going to be an addict and compulsive gambler but it doesn't mean I'm an addict or a CG in action :))

Are you getting them yet ?

I have thought about gambling and have talked a lot about it over the past 5 days. Can’t say I’ve had any urges to want to do it though. I think I was that miffed I lost so much last week that I don’t want to go back there.

Your comments make perfect sense and I see how you are overcoming the daily challenges 🙂

Thanks for taking the time to reply