I am CJ. This is my story

Thanks Sarah.

I’m sure it will be entertaining to say the least being off with a 9 year old little person.

CJ.

Day 10

Got up bright and early this morning to go and view a new property. Wow. House had damp, no power in some rooms and the flooring was uneven everywhere. No wonder it was up for rent.

I then took my little lad to the cinema to see How to train your dragon 3. We decided to walk as it was sunny and as normal my path to town went past numerous book makers I had frequently visited. Today I felt odd walking past as I was grinning thinking I’m done with it.

I’ve also found myself being extremely tight with my money instead of the wasting I normally do. Interesting.

Like @Change our chats have helped immensely along with reading a lot of other stories and comments / advice and others experiences. I know I am only 10 days done but I feel more positive about this quitting than ever before.

I can do this and will do it.

CJ.

Nice one CJ! Not so nice about the gaff though... stinky damp and no electrics!

@San

No problem. We are all struggling day in day out with something. Ours just happens to be gambling.

I used to play state level basketball and mixed netball which pushed my body through its paces. I resumed it about 2 years ago and boy my body wasn’t ready.

Have you ever set a goal for doing a marathon? That may give you focus to push yourself if you like running. Me, sadly I can’t get the motivation to run, but I do try and walk 5 miles minimum a day.

House wise, like you say something else will come up.

Gambling wise, take each day at a time and you will get there.

@Change

Yeah the house was a little rough considering they wanted £1100 a month for it. I think they had delusions of grandeur haha. Hope day 11 went well for you.

Day 11

Today I didn’t feel my usual chipper self. Felt a bit cranky and found I was a little sharp with my little dude. I guess the battle is taking its toll mentally and this is to be expected.

Also felt a little tired and lethargic which is unlike me.

I sat and watched the Champions League match of Liverpool vs Bayern and was surprised to see how many betting adverts appeared. b*****r, Coral, b*****r. All a constant bombardment of gamble x and you’ll feel great. If only they read the diaries on this forum.

I looked for a little inspiration today and one of my role models growing up had once quoted;

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

Hi CJ... I’ve not sat down and watched any sports from start to finish over the past 12 days. I find it a little triggering but I also find myself getting angry at myself and dragging up the past due to all the adverts. It’ll take some time to correct that thought process.

On the irritable point, I was massively irritable for the first week but it’s calmed down a little since then. It’s natural to feel like that when break a habit or routine.

Keep the faith!

@Change I get the irritable stage. I have only had one day so far and that was yesterday. Today was much better.

———

Day 12

I’ve almost made it to 2 weeks GF. I feel like it isn’t much of an achievement however I am working on it. I suppose we all have to start somewhere.

I spent the day entertaining a 9 year old. Now in today’s world 9/10/11 year olds all seem to be attached to either a computer screen or game console. I felt like today I wanted to really just enjoy my son, his company and laugh and play making those moments I talk so much about.

We visited the local toy shop and I bought The Game of Life. I thought it maybe something we could play. Two games in (1-0 to my son) he dropped the ball. 7 kids in the back of his car so he had to go round the board with 2 cars. Then we pull a card for him that says he needs to learn to drive. He’s been driving without a licence all round the roads of the board. We laughed and laughed and laughed some more.

I then took him and my mum out for Chinese and we still laughed.

On the way back we decided to do some Pokemon from the car. We saw a group of regulars we see usually battling the virtual gyms, so we opted to battle in a private group. At the end of the battle you need to then catch it. We are sat catching and my son looks over at the group and laughs. He sees one of the members coming over as they needed our help. We’d already finished haha. Ooops.

All day my son and I have laughed .

Today was a great day and my mind was far away from its gambling past.

CJ.

Sounds like a fun day. We don’t often have them so it makes them even more special. Hopefully we’ll both start having more ‘normal’ days!

No post today! I’m worried CJ! Keep posting!!!

@Change don’t worry about me and derailing. I’ve never felt better. Yesterday was just manic and by the time I got to 9:30pm I was flat out. Oops

——

Day 13

Extremely busy day, looking at houses and getting packed up ready for the bouse move which is inevitable. First house was amazing and managed to knock £100 off the monthly rent. Makes it more palatable but not sure. Second one had a distinct smell which I don’t think I’d ever get rid of no matter how deep I cleaned it.

Had a rematch with my son at the game of life and this time one. So the games sit at 1-1.

And then we sat on the couch and crashed. Hard day mentally but no thoughts about gambling which was always good.

Day 14

Wow, 2 weeks have gone past so fast. Good to see @Change has made it to day 14 also.

Took my lad to the cinema today and we watched Lego Movie 2. I’m sure whoever wrote the story wanted adults to get confused. I’ve now got a song from it ‘Stuck inside my head’. Haha

All in a good day and onto another GF week.

CJ.

Hi CJ, thanks for your support in relation to my story. I was feeling very low when I told the story originally last week... but I have to say that the support on here has been fantastic. I’m feeling so much better in myself and determined not to look back and instead to concentrate on me.

I have read your diary and what strikes me is your positive attitude and determination to change your life. Be very proud of yourself. You’re also dealing with your own issues and always have a kind and empathetic word for others. Much appreciated and I wish you all the best.

Well done CJ. Was buzzing when I saw you had posted back. Day 15 today. Avoid the bookies / snakes!

@Maria

No problem. In time you will see that it was just a chapter of your life. I’m glad people on here have helped you.

The way I see my recovery is yes I am a gambler but it doesn’t make me a bad person. I can still be the best person I can be and strive to do better. If my story or comments help save others from this addiction then I have payed back the support I have been shown and given by others.

For me I see this addiction as if I want to quit it I will quit it but I am unable to take half measures. It’s all or nothing and that to me means no weekly football bet with the lads at work, no grand national this year and self exclusion from the places I used to waste hours in, whether online or in person.

Have or will I ever fully be recovered? I don’t know. I will however strive to push myself past the dark days that appear and turn the lights on. I will take one day at a time and keep swimming so to speak.

@Change

Don’t be worry buddy. I’m here rolling through these days with you. Day 15 and I think we are doing alright. Let’s keep moving forward.

CJ.

Hi, reading through all the posts, big pat on the back for you CJ 🙂 well done .... I have reset my counter today 🙁 and do not want to do it again! Onward and upwards. I’ve registered with GAM STOP just hopping it works ... the sun shining makes me feel like I can and will stop this time ... keep up the good work and stay focused, I hope to! Kaz xxx

Hi Kaz,

Thanks for posting. Don’t worry about the blip too much and having to reset. The world keeps spinning and we just have to move on and over these little set backs. If you want to talk about it and move forward feel free to shout 🙂

How long did you register with Gamstop for?

As for me, I’m doing ok I think. I haven’t really had any urges for gambling, yeah I’ve thought about but it, but it only came in for a moment then out again.

Day 15

As day 15 comes to a close I lay in bed smiling. I’ve had yet another fab day. The sun was shining and my son and I walked just short of 7 miles laughing and getting excited as he Pokemon.

It’s funny, two weeks ago I would have made an excuse to go to the toilet and be there for 20 minutes (not that I had toilet issues haha) or go upstairs for 20 minutes just to have a few spins to try and win.

The last two weeks I haven’t felt an urge to escape so to speak and have tried moving forward.

Also found out today the guy I rent from isn’t selling the house which is great news. Means I can renew the lease for another 2 years.

CJ.