I am stronger than I thought!

I did not reach my target 🙁

I messed up 2day... Big style!

I am feeling pretty worthless and pathetic rite now 🙁

Stay strong everyone, don't let gambling get the better of u!

Oooooh Charlotte you poor thing, I guess you're feeling rotten right now and you'll probably feel raw for a short while. Yet what can you do? It's happened it's gone, there's no point in dwelling on it. You're not a failure it's just a little setback, something you'll learn from and something that will eventually make you stronger. When you're ready, pick up the pieces where you left off and start again, that's all you can do. The misery will soon pass. Don't even consider chasing any losses, they've gone now. You've done do well for almost a year, don't allow this to deter you from reaching total abstinence. Keep fighting.

Steve

Hi char

Don't believe for one minute that you are worthless and pathetic because you are far from that my friend, i would say that you are strong and determined because although you have had setbacks you keep coming back and that shows me you do wanna beat this addiction.I would also say you are a very valued member of this wonderful forum, and played a part in making it what it is!!

I have every faith that you will conquer this journey and will help if I can

Remember my little saying

You can't change the past but you can dictate the future

Keep fighting little soldier

Take care

Carl

Charlotte.

I will say this from the bottom of my heart, you have 20 years on me, and believe you me, if I could have shown the determination, resolve, guts and compassion at your age well then I would have been emmensly proud. For me let's look at this with our glass half full, your life has turned around in your time here, and to add your devotion to help relentless, you have spent more days gamble free than gambling.

So the doors revolve, never give up giving up .

Just for today be proud , tonight you did something amazing

My unconditional support, now put those blocks in place, and in our shiny's words keep on keeping on.

Let's enjoy recovery together one day at a time

Duncs stepping forward never back

It seems that someone who is unwelcome has attempted to post on your diary Char. It is good that we cannot read it.

Char

OK. I don`t know what the trigger was or the opportunity for you to gamble. Still what is done is done. So pleased that you came right back to GC. A very big point in your favour. Remember my regard to slips? Getting away from gambling is not easy, slips are perhaps or indeed part of the process.

I That makes me think that perhaps you need to step up the blocks. Can you hand over ALL your cash to your bf and take only just what you need? So maybe work out how much is required for going to work or a night out in the pub. I have no idea yet I am guessing you might have been with your friends who also spend on the machines. I am loath to say that you do not see them of course but as friends I am thinking that you might tell them you have no wish to play and perhaps they might hold you in check.

Have you anything that is positive you can use from this slip? I know you did last time. As for targets, I am not completely sure if they are totally positive. You have a slip and you feel you have failed That in fact is untrue. All that clean time is to be considered as a success.

You have so much to offer and so many good things in your life. Hope we talk in a short while. Just remember that you have tons on your plate. A lot for a 19 year old.

Your friend

Grahamxx

Just edited what I said to you earlier. I do hope you feel better in the morning.

God I feel awful!

I've had a bout half hr sleep, I feel gutted!

I have everything I want in my life... I am very lucky and still I mess up by gambling!

Yesterday I met my friends at 12 in the pub 4 a few drinks and a catch up and they were playing the machines... I thought £20 won't hurt so I started I had my cards on me I drew £300 out of my savings and £300 out of my bank acct.... I won at first...Did I stop.. NO, I just carried on and on from 12.30 til 7pm until I lost every penny I had.... The worst was my friend had drove me 2 the pub. My bf had the car and he had took Maddie 2 the firework display where I should have been.... Wot sort of a person am I ?

A failure!

I was so engrossed in gambling yesterday... I did not even eat. I have not ate since sat nite... I just feel totally numb! I am slipping back 2 my gambling life once again!

I walked 45 mins alone down the dual carriage way in the dark 2 get home 2 get more money 2 go back and gamble. Wot is wrong with me? Luckily I went in2 chat thanks Flagg and Start Again 4 ur support xx

Then I talked on the netline... So I did not go back out last nite 2 gamble... Thank God!

My bf is so angry with me and he never gets annoyed, how much can one person take b4 he walks away? Do I want him 2 walk away? Is that my aim?

I was 2 days away from my target, I worked so bloody hard 2 get there and I messed up!

I have not hardly had ne sleep, I feel physically sick.

I have 2 go now and take Maddie 2 my parents, then do an 8 and a half hr shift at work and pretend everything is fine.... All I am thinking about rite now is ways 2 leave work early so I can go back and gamble! Have I lost all hope?

Have I gone 2 far this time, can I stop? I am not sure.........I h8 myself rite now. I h8 the person I am. I am not worthy of ne of ur support....I have let everyone down. There is just 1 word 2 sum me up a failure!

On with the day, fake it til I make it.... Wot if I never make it?

Take care all xx

hi sweetheart...just seen your post...

You know the word "Unconditional"....

and there are 3 more..."progress not perfection"

There is also this ((((((((((( C)))))))))))..which is no words and just hugs....

keep posting hun and try not to isolate...Keep reading and chatting to the people on here who are by your side and understand what you are going through...

Always here for you....

R and D xxx

Oh Lovely Charlotte

First of all you are not a failure...your far from it honey. Okay so you had a slip, dust yourself off and begin to focus again.

I have thought about what led you back...do you think it was because you were sooo near your target and in effect it put a lot of pressure on yourself. Maybe that's why you pressed your self destruction button....just a thought.

As for not deserving support...Charlotte we are and will always be here for you. We are all battling the same thing and we will never judge you. You know you are a valued member here and you have given so many people support and especailly me in my darkest hour.

Yes today will be hard and so will the coming days but when the fog lifts it will start to become a little easier.

I am sending you a massive hug Charlotte....you'll get there, I know you will. You have achieved so much this year so please don't let this slip affect you too much. That's what it is, a slip and although hard, try and take positives forward that you have done so well for so long and no-one can take that from you.

Hugs x

Jewels x

Of course part of you wants to break up with your bf, to be miserable, unhappy, isolated, desperate. That part of you which wishes this is the gambling addiction deep inside you, deep inside all of us. Don't entertain it by listening to it, cast it aside and strive for stability, you have a good relationship and you're surrounded, on all quarters by love. These are the things worth fighting for. You messed up big time yes, but that was yesterday and today is today. Those who live in their yesterday's are never happy, you don't want this but your gambling side does, work through this. You slipped up this time because you reignited some sort of desire last week when you watched your friend pouring money into one of those machines. Although her betting outcome was horrible every time you see those flashing lights and taste that anticipation you're reawakening your brain to all those gambling desires you'd given up long ago. In recovery, always, always avoid being next to a gambler gambling because you'll eventually get sucked back in.

Well what do you do now? Starve yourself, chase? Keep punishing yourself in the vain hope everything will be put right? No of course you don't. What's done is done and you have to be mature enough to accept responsibility and put your energies into ensuring slip ups like this don't happen again. This of course takes real strength and stoicism but it has to be done. Firstly explain everything to your boyfriend, of course he's angry but in time he'll calm down, he loves you remember, doesn't want to lose you yet he'll not understand how this illness can make others act in such an irresponsible and selfish way. Give him time though, anger subsides and trust comes back. As for work, slap on your make up, paint on that sme and get through it as best you can, be determined not to allow gambling to ruin this side of your life. You've slipped up for a day, you haven't gambled away relentlessly for months, it was just a blip. On the whole it's really not that bad as long as you learn from it and you move on positively. Remember, there is always someone worse off than yourself, someone today I guarrantee will have been told they've got cancer and they have to face everything you have to face today, they would love to be in your position where they have the ability to put things right. Learn from this, put things right, be determined, move on, it's all you can do. Find out why you slipped and put another barrier in place to safeguard you in the future.

Take care, one day at a time, Steve

Charlotte.

I hope today you find the continued resolve to carry on fighting your addiction, I read your post from this morning,it reads like your two people,something I think we all are whilst at it, those selfish,self absorbing thoughts,our addiction making all the decisions,ultimatley the wrong ones!!

Then the real us the ones who show great humility,inner strength a will to beat this.

As I said last night you spend the majority as that person,harness the anger,guilt and use it to your advantage, YOU can do this Charlotte,you are not alone.

Keep on keeping on.

Duncs stepping dorward never back.

Charlotte remember sweetie that success is only getting up one more time than you fall. Doesn't matter whether you've fallen once, twice or a hundred times or how long it took to get back up, so long as you do then you are NOT a failure.

We are all sat on a slippery branch hun every single one of us, one wrong move and any of us could slip. If someone does it's the job of the rest of us to pull them back up onto that branch again. Of course you deserve that, we all do just for being here battling this god-awful addiction in the first place!

"Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Let them come, and then let them go. No feeling is your permanent reality, no matter how intense it is."

Let how you are feeling now come and let it go, you know from experience the rotten, raw bit does pass. It will pass. Huge hugs in the mean time lovely.

Gonna leave you with one more quote because as you know they are kind of my thing. 🙂

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says "I'll try again tomorrow".

xx

(((Char)))

Just read your post, I know its not easy but dont try and beat yourself up to badly, the gambling demon has raised its ugly head but you will beat this.

You have come straight back here which is the right thing to do and I know you probably feel awful right now but you are anything but a failure honey.

Your an amazing mum to Maddie, the support and help you give to people on here is fantastic, its just right now that its your turn to need the help and support and you know that all your friends will be here for you to help you through this tough time.

Thinking of you and hope to see you in chat later

Andrew xx

Hi char

Failure is not a word I would use to associate you with,you may have had a slip but even then you knew the right thing to do was get back here, we all at somepoint or other have been where you are right now so try not to be too hard on yourself and as hard as it is try to erase yesterday because today is a new day and work on getting through this one

Big hugs from me

Carl

Hi Charlotte,

I echo the thoughts and wisdom expressed by others. All I can add is that i have been through very similar soul destroying gambling binges (after a period of abstinence) where ive then felt so rubbish that all i wanted was to crawl into the nearest hole, never to be seen again. Your not alone. We suffer from a very powerful all consuming and insidious addiction.

You have done the right thing. You have got it out in the open and now you can draw your line in the sand and carry on where you left off. It is not easy but you can do it. keep posting Warm regards.. S.A

hi charl so sorry to hear about your slip, but honestly you are a very strong young lady! you will do this as you did before like you would say to me keep posting and start from where you left off, don't beat your self up like i did it will make you worse, look were i am day 5 again :/ but i'm proud that i'm back here and i didn't carry on,

if at first you don't succeed try try again!!!! i hope your eating miss because that will drain you more!! but i no that feeling you cant sleep eat or even smile