I can feel the earth begin to move I hear my needle hit the groove

Take positives where where you can matey , £ 20 quid's £ 20 quid . It'll be alright me old mucker don't you worry !

Keep smiling , It's nothing you can't handle :))

Ps . I really wish you hadn't titled your thread " My breath smells " coz everytime I post it's looks like I'm making a statement about my oral hygene ? .

Have a good one mate !

Change everything you mentioned about WhatsApp is what the Facebook group is
A post usually gets a reply in minutes. No one can see the group or what's posted only members know the groups there I think like most of us it will help you out especially at the minute like I said you can even join under a false name we don't mind
There's currently 30 members all from gamcare
You will have to do 3 tasks to get in hopefully you will be comfortable wearing a mankini whilst reciting every pokemon character lol

Ok I'll have a look into Facebook. I don't want an account where people are going to start sending me friend requests etc. I would solely be looking to do it to join that group so I'd need to see if that was possible.

I got through 15 points on my to do list. Got asked to be involved in a few new things that took away my time. Been a decent day from a work perspective. I was numb for the first 30 mins but got more focused as the day ticked along.

I need to read through everyone's posts again tonight. I've been reading a fair bit on internet on train home and looking through a GA workbook. That seems quite useful so probably take another look when get some time tonight.

The journey has definitely restarted. I've avoided all sports pages and betting sites, articles, shops, radio etc. I might note down each time I come face to face with the demon as that will put a conscious thought process in place that will raise awareness of my problems and document me dealing with it as time... that might not make sense but we'll see how it goes.

Hey change...just open a false Facebook account....it can all be as anonymous as here...like deano said...the support on there instant....take care c

Had first gambling thought of the day pop in my mind as I got off the train. One of those mind memory things where I was walking off the train and remembered I used to head to the bookies down the road and tell my wife I was late coz the train got delayed. Not really an urge as such but I want to start documenting my subconscious thoughts that get in my brain to try and retrain myself.

Good to see you on the Facebook group mate

Thanks everyone for your continued support - I got lost trying to sort out Facebook so haven't had chance to consider posts enough.

If anyone could suggest good recovery books to read I'd appreciate that? Day 20 I'm buying a book!

Moving on to Day 2. Woke up and felt as depressed as ever. Just got to deal with it and move forward. I won't gamble today.

Hi Change. Don't beat yourself up about it as it will do no good. We've all been there! I've been having the odd urge here and there but luckily a saner head prevailed. You're a good guy and fair play for coming back on here before things got even worse. One day we shall look back on this and smile 🙂

Our past may be blemished but the future looks spotless ?

Cheer up and have a good day old buddy :))

That is a very well written and moving post Change.

The hope you have is that you are not oblivious to the problem and know you have done something you shouldnt.

You mention all the key points. The indignity of gambling and the look on the cashiers face.. They couldnt make full eye contact with me because they could see how I was gambling and they could see I was an addict way beyond control. And it is an act of total indignity ...its just like shuffling up to the cashiers counter for a class A drug fix. I also did the cash point walk of shame in a trance of must get back there as quickly as possible

They are lost souls but somebody should have handed us a mirror because I was just like them. Im gradually buying little things I could have had years ago and slowly the bigger things I could also have had years ago

I hope in your moment of strength you will step it up again and close down all avenues where you were gambling. You must not feel welcome there and must self exclude with pride and ask them to be vigilant. Blackjack is not a soft game and its drawn people into millions of debt and facing prison. You must not search for other ways of gambling as if thats ok...thats the addiction driving you...oh it will just be ok to try this because you are being good not doing the other form of gambling....its a twisted mind trying to form neuron paths of contentment for its own ends.

You know this and I hope you will draw on a new strength. Again you must be honest with the people close who can help with proper barriers.

You do need to check that you are reasonably happy within yourself and not jaded with life for deep reasons

This may always be within us. Ive just done 202 days completely gamble free but Im not complacent.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks Joydivider - the setbacks are devastating. I'm on Day 2 and that's a positive... I'm out the fog and back in the real world.

Your post was so well written and I could relate to every detail. It's like having a hangover multiplied by 743 when you have to face the real world after a night of blowing a life-changing sum of money. The "what could've been" thoughts are crippling. I have done the same thing hundreds of times over too (maximum win was only ever a few thousand, but even so, I could've done SO much with that money. Instead, we invest even MORE of our hard earned dosh to try and get back the exact same amount we had the night before, but it's never enough. No amount of money will ever be enough FGS!!!! it's like I'm in a trance when I play. We can do it. Keep strong. Warm wishes Suz

On to Day 3 now - I'm getting back into the real world. No real urges yesterday. Really want to make this the final time I'm on Day 3.