I can't change my past - only my future.

steven,

many times my payday was my disaster.what i recommend to you is to hand over your money to your familly.steven, not shame being a cg,its an illness.if my child was sick i would everything to help him.

no money in your pocket, no gambling.its a slow process, dont wait results right now.we gamblers are impatient people.

i m 34 days free, my mother knows now that i m a cg and gives me every 2 days 20 euros to get by.

after one year if i ll stick to my recovery i ll probably see the results.and the results will be good.

think that we are sick, we need a cure, take it like that.there is no other solution.

ok i know that you are struggling with money and you are stressed with loans, money lost etc...everyone here is.we are a team mate,helping eachother is the key to recovery.

take care

mike

hi steven

Thanks for the post.

Mike is right limit your access to money. Thats the way i do it now 20 euro no bank card. might seem extreme but it has to be that way for me. Keep up the good work

Thanks for the comments guys - I will give your thoughts careful consideration.

No gambling (and no drinking) for me today, as I set out to do - tick that box for today!

Tomorrow is another day - another day that I will not be gambling.

Hi Ste,

I just typed out a post then my connection dropped! grrr!

just a quick one to say it was nice to meet you in chat the other night, and you are already giving some good advice and support to others which is great!

All the best,

f x

I've been thinking more about Mark117's diary, and about the one thing I can never recover - time. God forbid, but if the worst happened to me today, what would my loved ones have to sort through - my finances, the letters... what sort of a memory would that be for them, what legacy would I leave then?

Of course it's easy to have these clear, lucid thoughts when you are not gripped by gambling - your heart isn't racing, you're not waiting for 1 result to go your way...

There's a lot I want to do over the next couple of months. Some of them will have to wait, as I simply can't afford to do them. I can plan for them though, and then there's the small jobs/items that I can think about tackling on a day to day basis.

It will take me a some time to be able to accept my past, the years of living a lie... but I have started to move on. I'm drawing this line in the sand, and that's where my old existence ends. I'm going to start living life as I should have been - as a good, honest, hard-working individual... as I was raised to be.

Quite simply, I will not gamble again.

hi steven,

take it one day at a time.slowly.we gamblers are impatient people.we want our lost money back and quickly.but it doesnt work like that.its a very slow process.time is with us though.the longest we are off gambling the better for us.

accepting our past is the most difficult part of the process.i havent accepted my past yet.needs to be done though.

take care

mike

Hi Steven, thanks for your post on my diary. This giving up gambling is a tough road, but you CAN do it. Im on day 18 and believe me I have felt every one of them, Ive dug deep, and read the diaries and posts on here, anything at all to take my mind out of the zone.

Stay strong, have faith, don't let this poison do any more damage, coz WE ARE WORTH IT.

Cameron - day 18, no more slots.

Hi ste ven and thanks for taking the time to post on my diary.

I like your comment about when was the last time you actualy enjoyed gambling--how true for many of us. Although I think our mind tells us that we do enjoy the act of gambling but it is actually the aftermath that is almost always unenjoyable.

If you are not sure how to dael with this illness some good diaries for you to read are ex-gambler Jeff's and Winningpost. If you get the chance seek them out and read through. If you read mine you can see my own personal rollercoaster approach to this thing--hopefully by reading it may help you.

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

This is perhaps why we can never ENJOY gambling.

All the very best with your recovery.

Stumper

Hi Ste_ven, thanks 4 ur support on my diary 🙂

U sound really determined, U can do this!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Thanks for the comments people, it is appreciated. I will look over those diaries when I get the chance, looking at how others have progressed does help us all.

Feel a bit down tonight, had to suffer the humiliation of asking for help to get to work next week. I am fortunate in that I have someone who will help with this. It should be the last time I need to ask for this assistance, but does not make it any easier.

A lot of regret comes back to the surface, disappointment of my own and others feel strong right now.

It's not going to make me gamble tomorrow, but it's not a nice place to be. Just going to get the head down and get some sleep I reckon, no point in sitting up thinking negative thoughts.

Hi Ste_ven... just wanted to thank you for passing through my diary. As with most diaries i read I relate to much of what you say. As with you I have no car and no savings and am only debt free because I went bankrupt a few years ago.

Ive been trying to stop gambling and stay stopped for a decade now with long periods of success only to then relapse.. often with devastating consequences both financially and emotionally.

Its a tough addiction thats for sure and I would suggest that you need to reach a point where you want to stop 100% for yourself. Stopping to please your parents/family or anyone else or any other reason is unlikely to work in the long run in my opinion. Stop because you have become sick and tired of the consequences and how it makes you feel.

Like you say.. there is no quick fix to financial problems or the wanting to have more money. Most people in society acheive their goals through patience and hard work... not through gambling. I just woosh it hadn't taken me so long to really start to internalise this fact and that their is no quick fix to anything.

All the best to you and your on-going recovery. learn from my mistakes. Regards... S.A

Hi Steven

Thanks for popping by my diary. Nice to see you here and fully committed to beating the bug.

As you say, you are lucky in some respects. I am owing about 35k and have probably blown 150 in my 29 years as a gambler. It's not about the money though. You are lucky because you got out before things got worse and you found this place. You're lucky that you still have people around who love you. That is the biggest thing that spurs me on. Making myself and those people proud of my achievements and also giving something back, doing things for people and expecting nothing in return. I hope you can take something from my words as you continue your fight. Don't ever get complacent. Thank you for your kind words.

Best wishes to you,

IanB.

An unexpected test presented itself over the last couple of days. I was in a local pub, enjoying a soft drink, when I glanced over at the machines - I know what they are, and where they are in that particular pub. I then looked and realised that there was 1 credit left on one of them. So what to do? I could play the 1 credit, after all, it's not my money. But almost instantly I realised what might happen - I might then play the change in my pocket, or the £10 note in my back pocket, and then rue the loss, and the spiral starts again. I quickly decided against it, and was proud to do so.

1 week ago I would've probably played that 1 free credit, then continued to lose the money I had on me there and then. This week, I walked out with exactly the amount I intended to.

I'm purposefully not counting the number of days that I haven't gambled - I feel that quantifying it puts, in a strange way, an added pressure. As long as I am honest with myself, I don't intend on gambling again.

Hi Steven

Thanks for taking time to post on my diary really appreciate it, well done on resisting I guess there is going to be some random occasions thrown our way as a little tester every now and again , I too had one when early on when I hadn't closed all my online accounts I had an email for " £2 free bet" in my account , to be honest I forgotten I even had an account with them !! Ignored it self excluded and it felt good to do so!!!

Keep up the good work fella

Daz

Well done on not touching that credit!

I'm not counting days either but I do keep a 'last gambled' date, I'm liking seeing it move further into the past. I think it's what ever works for the individual really.

Keep fighting the good fight. 🙂