I have seen the light

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I too am on day 3 now and woke up this morning ashamed of the person I became. Now I have the constant worry of the debt I have built up and the time wasted. I am determined to beat this.  Wonder how long until you start to forgive yourself?

@sarah-help-me yes I am also determined to be a stronger and better person from this, I am today tackling my finances and its scary seeing what I have been ignoring but every step is a step closer to being out of this hole.

I'm not sure I will ever forgive myself fully but I'm sure it gets easier as the weeks tick by. Good luck in your journey and keep in touch

Chris

I can relate strongly to you on this one. It's been 4 days since I relapsed and woke up feeling pretty miserable about it all. Like you, I've also been having to deal with the financial side of things today and realising what you've spent is never enjoyable. If it helps at all, I've previously managed 11 months gamble free and I think over time you do start to accept what has happened and that dislike for yourself fades somewhat. But I also think when that starts to happen the main priority is not to get complacent and forget how you feel right now. In my experience once I got past the initial hating of myself for what I'd done, that's when I started trying to tell myself I didn't have a problem anymore which only lead to me relapsing. I feel over time there's a balance to be found between forgiving yourself for what you've done but still recognising you are an addict and can never be complacent with this. 

Posted by: @cantelo85

Day 3

Today I have woken up and just feel so ashamed of myself, I have hurt so many people through my Web of lies and dug myself a massive hole with debt. 

I was exposed as a gambler from all my lies gambling to try and win big so I could pay off the debts I'd accrued from years of gambling. Every second of the day thinking about gambling.

Day 1 I was relieved it was out and put all the steps in I could to stop. I will never gamble again but the shame of what I have done and who I had become is hitting home now.

Before I would blot it out by gambling and now having to face it head on. Its going to be a long road but already feel a better person.

Chris 

At Least you've chosen to see the Light , well done , all the best and stay away from gambling , we are only one bet away from disaster

Yes, it is hard to forgive yourself, but what choice do you have? Constant self-loathing is not going to get you anywhere. I had to struggle with this too. It took me several years, (the years I have had financial controls/blocks in place) to slowly come to grips with this. I'm just about finally there, regarding forgiving myself but I admit it is a hard road. My advice is to think of it this way: It gets better with time. Once you admit you need help and seek treatment, you can begin to heal. And it is not going to be easy, but as I said, it does get much better over time. It is something that a problem gambler has trouble doing but it is crucial that you have patience. Best wishes.