Hi
Recovery is a non religious healing process for me.
Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.
Over time I gave a number out of ten to each fear so that I could reduce those fears one by one.
Here is my list of my fears.
Fear of rejection and or abandonment, fear of telling the truth, fear of being accountable, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of being let down, fear of fear of humiliation, fear of loneliness, fear of of the dentist, fear of of the doctors, fear of injections, fear of betrayal, fear of disappointing people, fear of what people thought of me, fear of speaking up for myself, fear of being the victim, fear of aggression and confrontation, fear of letting people down, fear of validating myself, fear of taking a compliment, fear of the doctors, fear of being committed, fear of Christmas, fear of Tax time, fear of writing my needs my wants and my goals, fear of writing down the pain and abuse I experienced in my life, fear of writing down injuries to my body, fear of writing down the emotional abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the physical abuse I experienced, fear of writing down the sexual abuse I experienced, fear of being myself, fear of my failings, fear of guilt shame regret remorse, fear of therapies, fear of being a loner, fear of setting boundaries, fear of having a voice to stand up for myself, fear of strangers, fear of healing my pains, fear of being a victim, fear of not making it, fear of people faces when they got to know me.
This list seems impossible looking at them in one lump.
Fear restricted me, fear froze me in the traumas of my past.
I took my worst fear, the 10 out of 10 and I asked myself what is the very worst that can happen.
Only once I was willing to accept the very worst that could happen would the level of my fears reduce.
How many times, how many years have we feared the Tax man, or the tax period, it is the same fear year after year, then I decide to put money in each month to cover payment to the tax man, that reduces my fears.
Then the reaction to the paper work and being accountable, I store all the data I have in a safe place, then each year just enter new date on paper work and fill it in and save it, give it a new name and I am up to date, it is fear of getting some wrong, this changes with practice and if I get wrong number incorrect there is one going to beat me it just gets corrected.
The same with finances each item purchased I type in to Excel sheets and each month there is a page, I type in all bills, and of course save them it gives me confidence and there is no longer the fears of looking at the bank account each time.
The sad fact that at one time I feared computers, I thought that I would break them, then what did I do I became a computer engineer. LOL.
Success is a reward from building our confidence and self esteem and working on our needs each day, working on our wants each day, working on our goals each day, by being committed we lose our fears.
Why did I escape to Gambling, it was fear based, I could not cope emotionally with life people and situations.
Sadly I would often take on other peoples emotional baggage.
So simply recovery is a healing process, non religious for me.
If I am not willing to admit to myself I am in pain today nothing can be done about it, it has to be my own choice.
The same with my fears I needed to face them head on, in reducing my fears I am able to live a healthy life today.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Dam dave that’s insightful and interesting to read, as I have gotten older I found fear starts to drive me more so than before but maybe on reflection I have been fearful of many things without realising it.
I was slightly fearful of going to the doctors yesterday but I went and got some antibiotics for a infection that I have on my toe. I was going to put it off but am glad I went and I am on the mend. Tomorrow is the dentist and follow up appointment for my toe to double check it’s healing ok.
Financially I am a tad worried about the dentist as I don’t wish for it to be a big financial hole in my pocket. I have saved up enough to cover the checks but any treatment I know will cost me more and I am fearful of that being a lot of money. Anyways better to look after my health than not too and not be fearful of it.
I am 157 days in GF and my mind is trying to fill the gaps in what to do! I know I have a lot on my plate coming up so I guess that will be a nice distraction from gambling and gambling adverts that I always see on YouTube and tv.
I will try this thing of reducing fears
thanks dave L
dave101
Hi Dave
It is very scary to know it ahs taken me over 55 years to get this insight and to understand more about myself.
I do understand that once we acknowledge our unhealthy reactions and our fears that they seem to reduce more and more.
Yes my fears of doctors dentists and hospitals was huge.
One day at dentist I went to sleep they could not believe I could do that.
Also listen to mp3 player with head phones time goes by so quickly.
Yet once we face our fears we understand it is best to know and less stressful.
I did not think I had so many fears but there they are in black and white.
At one time I knew I was going under sedation to have cancer growth removed in my right arm and shoulder.
I knew it was going to be 3 months or more till I was operated on.
How do I reduce my fears.
Put my whole trust in the 3 men doctor surgery.
Those 3 months were free of fear, on the day of the surgery I was very settled and then they put me under.
I lived those 3 months in a healthy way free of fear.
The growth they took out was 2 pounds in weight.
Taking antibiotics when needed is very healthy.
Once I got in to recovery I found that unexpected bills were concerning.
Then got to thinking best to know what needs to be done and then how to spread the payments over a period of time or get it done later.
Well done on 157 days clean that is very powerful.
Reducing your fears is very healthy and helps you feel more relaxed.
Thanks Dave for your feed back and that we can relate to each other.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
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