Gamble free for quite some time... life is taking a good turn i can feel it. The medication helps a lot .. im fighting this battle and i will win it.
Have a great week everyone
Still gamble free...
Not counting the days any more, I believe I am somewhere close to 3 months gamble free and not willing or feeling any desire to gamble whatsoever. Started to learn again about money value and I'm feeling a little bit better about myself.
Great work.
Dave
Just came back home, and I am sad to finally come to a conclusion to why I have gambled most my life. Loneliness or rage/anger combined with boredom. I came to this conclusion after being out of country and not seeing my girlfriend for about 3-4 weeks, I came home and had some great time together and then a small fight. since we had the fight I gambled twice, nothing compared to what I used to before but I did do the max betting same as usual.
'
This period of time I have money on my hands once again, but I've had it for a while, and again have noticed a shopping spree before the d**n gambling sessions. Basically earning enough to have a lot extra to spend I went and spent money on clothes, electronics etc. things which I do not necessarily need. Coming back to my girlfriend, I was so happy I was going to see her and all, we made love but again I fell into the bored state, bored of her if I could say that ..I do love her but I get bored. Well we had the fight of course over a very small matter as usual , not finding one her things which happened to be her panties .. and she expected me to look for them, she knows I hate this a lot, she is a grown woman who doesn't need to act like a child towards their parent, the needy type of child that always begs attention. Well this is what happened, I went on left for a vacation alone which we have planned together but she decided not to come, even invented another fight, other arguments just to make me mad and tell her things which maybe I should not have. This might be the end I think.. story of my life ..current life , toward s better.
The 2 slips resulted in around 250$ won.. i will just reset mu counter for today and I hope I will not slip again ..250$... another 299,750 left to get back what I lost.. how confusing this all is ..
Towards a gamble free life
Good luck everyone !
Lost another $2200 yesterday, I am so low at this moment for losing once again, and giving in to this terrible addiction.
This is not a great way to start a new year, but definitely I am learning more and more about this addiction, it is so strong and harms so much that it is impossible not to start feeling at some point what it is doing to us and quit it once and for good. There is one important thing I have learnt this time, never to carry money around when feeling low, even if quit for months or evehrzn years. Only carry as much as you need for expenses/spending; Include credit cards, leave them with your loved ones or somewhere you cannot reach them easily. I have withdrawn money from my debit card. luckly my limit was $2200 for the day...
May God be with us
Hi there. So sorry to see that gambling got the best of you again. You know u can do this. Our life is what we make of it. If we choose to live a boring life this is what we get. Could have gone back on holiday with that money. Sorry I haven't been around much but I am trying to keep as busy as I can. I really hope that you have learned something from this slip-up. I had the urges as well over Xmas, because I was lonely, bored, etc. I am glad though that I was strong enough not to give into them. Don't worry, we're still in your corner, unconditionally. Stay strong my friend
Thank you Andrei for the kind words. I feel like s**t. Well I am going forward no more bets, this slip has been more than a slip, lost/won/lost process over a couple of days now. I am fed up with everything, just wondering what on earth makes me gamble, I am trying to talk to myself and ask why it always happens when things go well.. eventually I have to f**k up and go gamble and become depressed again. Am I addicted to being depressed? Maybe I don't allow myself to feel well and happy.
Stay strong everyone
Days just go on and on and I feel like something good must come along to get mr totally out of this depression. I know it will not be easy but that day will come. After losing my home I have felt the worst since I could ever remember . What would make me happy now would be to get my home back or at least a similar one in the same area. Financially I cannot say this would be possible at this point but I make a goal to achieve in the near future.
I'm still on medication which does help but also have a goal set to get of Meds until summer comes.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Stay strong everyone
Ended up in the d**n casino yesterday, and almost lost 2300$ I entered with. Luckly, if I can call it that I was almost to the point where I had around 20-30$ in my disguisting slot machine and then had a few "winning=my a**" hands, went up to 2000$, cashed out (how odd cashing out 2k, I would normally just play it up probably thinking it would go up to 2-300k=all my losses) ..left the casino.. now depressed again about it..
When will this s**t ever stop?
No more misery for me ever. This is the end, I've had more than enough. Simply I do not have any limit whatsoever and need to put my life back on track. In fact I'm going to give qutting smoking a shot again, why not? This is so worth the effort! No more gambling for me, it has affected all aspects of my life. Anyone reading my diary, remember it can always be worse, and it will be if you continue gambling, take it from a heavy gambler, I can't just type degenerate.. for me it has been the depression and many other aspects so I will not put the blame on me ..it will always get worse the more we continue....
No more gambling! Hehe
Gambled again past few days.. the disease isn't going away.. won/lost cycle again which makes me more depressed than I am. Going to stop this some day..
Had an urge to continue my gambling today, just had a thought to go, even though I only have about 200$ in cash which should last me for the coming 2 weeks.
I am bored and feel tired , and fatigued not sure why, it might be the weather, it's raining and haven't seen the sun in a while.
Anyhow what I decided to do is just go back to bed for an hour or two, then afterwards I will meet my gf for a couple hours. The day will be over in no time.
It seems that days go on and on and nothing good happens to me whatsoever. I am not sure what I am expecting besides some motivation to go on and start working again as I used to. But this fatigue just doesn't allow me to work at normal pace.
I am glad I remembered about my diary and came right here to post instead of going out and gamble my last cash money. I will set this day as my first gamble free day even though I haven't gambled for the past 3 days.
Stay strong everyone, and gamble free. It is the most important target we can achieve at this point in our lives. They say we should be free after 3 years or so. Well heading towards that. Gambling has only stolen years of my life, loads of money and made me ill..
Have a nice weekend everyone
Hello myfreedom,
I'am a compulsive gambler also, my g.o.c. was slots. It's a real battle to stay sober and keep your mind off of the idea of having a go at a bet. Have you ever tried any 1 on 1 therapy or group yet? It's been a savior for me, along with this site. I wish you the best, it's done the same to me, but we can fight back my friend.
Sincerely,
Chicagoguy
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