I will no longer allow gambling to ruin my life….

Oh Em well done, day 4 get you!!

I had a flat day yesterday, it was horrible but spoke to my counsellor and she reassured me it's quite normal, so I went with that 

Today is better, trying to keep busy but I'm doing OK

Glad you're getting that smile back, here if you need a chat

Again well done you!!! xx

Day 4

Well I’m still gamble free! 💪

This morning I woke up feeling just a little better. The (what I call) gambling fog is definitely starting to lift and I don’t feel as hazy. After a big loss, my go to is to chase. It’s always a dangerous first 3 days for me so I’m proud of myself for getting this far but I know I’ve still got a long way to go.

I did my exercises this morning and then had the longest hot bath and washed my hair. This is probably gross but I was thinking how much personal hygiene goes out the window when one is in a downward gambling spiral.

I ate better today which is great because I’m severely constipated (sorry TMI) - but I am and it’s because I have no appetite when I’m stressed. Maybe I’ll try and get something from the GP.

I then tackled more admin that I’ve been neglecting for months. I felt accomplished and then stupid for not doing it sooner. Things actually aren’t that bad when you just start it. The hardest thing is actually starting.

anyway, I suppose I feel flat today but I’m ok and absolutely determined to not gamble just for today. I can only cope with one day at a time right now because my stupid gambling brain keeps trying to trick me with the promise of that ‘big win’…. Yeah that big win that if get, I’ll never take anyway 🤦‍♀️

Day 4 is in the bag, I will stay close to my diary and I really appreciate the support.

Em x

@traceyj 

Snap!! The flat feeling is quite difficult to explain. I think that gambling offers us a sort of synthetic dose of Dopamine which our brain gets used to so without it nothing feels good enough anymore, nothing excites me. 

I think in time, our brains will regulate back to normal and we can start getting enjoyment out of ‘normal’ things.

im here for you too Tracey. We got this!

I can so relate Em, I used to get in from work and start gambling straight away,  no thought of eating or personal care

But tonight got home, made a cuppa and had a shower, now cracking on with some housework

I feel quite fresh lol

 I'm not getting complacent I know it can be so easy to get back spinning again so taking each day like you, I can't think of the past losses,  every day not gambling is a winning day

Xx

What you have both described is just the beginning. It takes a while but little by little you will start to become what I call ‘normal’ again. Giving up gambling is like losing a friend. It was your safe space, your escape. It made you neglect real life. In the coming weeks and months you will start to find pleasure in going for a walk, finishing the ironing, putting some shopping in your cart (with a little treat as you deserve it). 

It’s a long road ahead but take motivation from each other and those in here. Time will fly by after you get a few weeks under your belt and before you know it you’ll feel like a normal person. Then you can enjoy life instead of hiding in a wonderland of shiny lights designed to take your money!

You got this. Stay strong 💪 

@837aobfmvu its so hard i come from a family of addicts alcoholics gamblers etc although I am not in financial ruins I am sickened by the sheer amount of money I have won and lost I am a casino gambler if I don t go I’m pretty good but the compulsive nature is truly overwhelming I am just disgusting with myself and trying to forgive myself so I can find a peace I am happy to have found this support group I find the stories helpful and inspiring it’s not easy to admit such a terrible fault I am turning 60 this year and I can t be this person any more I have been fortunate to have my husband of 33 years put up with my b******t and now I owe it to him and myself to improve the quality of our lives 

@at5z6wkbl4 Do you actually physically go to land based casinos? If so, you could go around them and literally self exclude from them all so that you will not be admitted again?

another suggestion is handing your finances over to your partner? These may feel like extreme measures but in your case, I think they might work!

Em

@traceyj 

If I gambled during the week, I wouldn’t start until around 8/9pm but if I started on Friday/Saturday, I would be spinning by 4pm and would still be playing/ losing well into Sat morning.

I don’t speak to many people but if one of the very few people I do speak to asked me to come out this Saturday, I would immediately say no. That’s my gambling day after all…

We end up having no life and I for one am just on a cycle of adrenaline, crash, regret, adrenaline, crash, regret. It’s 3am and my gambling brain woke me up as it’s desperate for that gambling dopamine hit.

This time I’m putting the hammer in that cycle.

Go back to sleep!! 😩

@p6z38njbqm

Hey Weirdfish, I’m not sure I’ll ever find pleasure in a walk but I’ll give it a go 😅

im definitely taking motivation from everyone here and I’m also trying to support others (although I’m probably not in any fit state to do much for the cause).

im really looking forward to enjoying life Weirdfish and for my daily/ weekly posts to be ‘normal’ and full of actual life - just like yours are.

I’ll keep going. I’m seriously determined to do this right this time. 

EM

Hi Em just checking in how you are

Hope you've had a good day xx

@traceyj  Hey Tracey thank you for checking in on me. 

Day 5

Dear Diary

I am still gamble free but the force has been strong today. 
The trigger was bills. I had a lot to pay out and it’s left me virtually broke until next week. The act of paying out money makes me think about the possibility of making more and to escape my reality for a few hours at the very least by getting caught up in the lights and addictive features of the slots.

I won’t gamble but I don’t have much more to say today. I am about to go to sleep so today can just be over.

until tomorrow…

Em x

@837aobfmvu congratulations on the 4 days. Every day counts so much as a step to recovery.

ive read through your diary and can completely relate. Our habits are very similar. I hope you’re doing well.

im on day 7 from a relapse, and in those early days, every hour counts so well done you for looking after yourself. 
 
all the best and good luck 💪

You are doing very well im on day 3 and just looking through people's diary's and story's.

Yours hit home im 32 and I remember going to the pubs as a child growing up in them essentially I have never thought of this watching family playing slots getting you involved as kids

Personally I have done it with mine on ticket machines on holiday spend your money win more tickets god I feel disappointed in my self, I couldn't even controll my self on them.

I will continue to look over your diary if you dont mind you are doing well and I wish you all the best.

How are you getting on Em?

hopefully almost at one week GF

Hey Em! We are all waiting and hoping for a day 7 post! Hope your doing okay your last post sounded like you was finding things rough.

We are all here and totally supporting you 🙏 

Dazza

Posted by: @837aobfmvu

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@traceyj  Hey Tracey thank you for checking in on me. 

Day 5

Dear Diary

I am still gamble free but the force has been strong today. 
The trigger was bills. I had a lot to pay out and it’s left me virtually broke until next week. The act of paying out money makes me think about the possibility of making more and to escape my reality for a few hours at the very least by getting caught up in the lights and addictive features of the slots.

I won’t gamble but I don’t have much more to say today. I am about to go to sleep so today can just be over.

until tomorrow…

Em x