I seem to go a few months gamble free, my situation and life starts to piece itself back together and inevitably self distruct hits in and I start to gamble again. It's sickening to wake up with several payday loans after a night out and know I've thrown away months of hard work. I don't know what will stop me from gambling once and for all I just know I never want to feel like this again. Every fall out from an abstenance period seems to hit me harder than the previous and I seem to sink even further into debt. What will stop me doing this to myself at last. I had plans and ambitions and had one last payday loan to go before I could close the chapter on payday loans and focus on sorting through my other debts. After Friday night I've got 3 payday loans, I won't be able to pay for the holiday we'd been planning for my fiancГ© 30th birthday and I am back to living in financial hell... all bad things of course being carried out under the influence of alcohol. I know my beloved prosecco and wine is the cause of all evil and I know I'd not do stupid stuff if I was sober. I'm gonna try really hard to prioritise my sanity and well being and do a sober run for 3 months. I've had enough of ugly hangovers and feeling s**t and spending all my hard earned money. Will keep this diary updated on how I'm progressing.
Hello Mladina! Sorry to hear about your relapse. If drinking is causing your downfall then you must lay off the drink. It’s as simple as that. I always ask myself after a heavy gambling spree, ‘What could I have spent that money on?’
It’s sickening to think about the answers you come up with. It’s time to make those thoughts come true. There is so much more to life than gambling. For people like ourselves, it only ever ends one way. It may take a week, it may take a month. It may even take a year. But eventually it will bring us down. We can never win. It’s impossible. Any win is always short lived because we give it back almost instantly. It’s insanity.
Keep posting on here in times of difficulty. We can do this. Today is my Day 1 too. Let’s get to 7 days and kick on from there.
Hello Miadina, First of all, thanks so much for coming to the forum to post /share/ make a new commitment/ etc etc... When you talk about going a few months and then diving back in, I can completely hear you out on that point because that is how gambling showed up for me in these last many years. I called it relapse or slip but it was a cycle of gambling that I had fallen into and mixed it with recovery but the relapses did not get any better or any shorter. I understand the crazy feeling of having made headway so many times and then boom, here we are again? Then for me any attempt to abstain felt like the time before and I felt caught up in a cycle. Breaking that cycle. Well, admitting to it and writing it down as a share has helped me. Recognising and naming that cycle binge relapse mixed with months of abstaining will give it less power so we can start a different and more honest journey. Still any head way we made and tools we learned along the way does matter. I also appreciate alot of what Dan said above in his comment to you. I hope that you will keep on sharing! Great that there are so many resources available to help us when we reach out to grab the rope of hope as they call it/ All the best! Take care and do good things for yourself regaurdless of the circumstances. tara2
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