I'm a lucky one

Kl

fella welcome to the forum,a place full of like minded folk who all share a common goal,to want to arrest the compulsion to gamble,you will receive a great deal of support here and some great advice.

I admire your attitude,it reads like your resolve is growing and with that I hope you are rewarded for your effort.

There is no cure,no medicine or quick fix for us,there is a re- education of the brain, a new way of life,one without the destruction of our selfish actions that is the progressive compulsion to gamble.

My advice is simply never under estimate the lengths your addiction will go to, to try and lure you back.

The mantra we live by

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

will through arresting the bet be turned full circle

you will become a winner.

For your efforts be proud,I hope you continue to enlighten folk by recording your journey.

Recovery for me is an amazing gift,the one selfish act that has a positive effect on those I hold dear.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi duncanmac,

Thanks for the support this seems a really supportive place to be.

Another day that I realise I'm lucky...just checked and realised the last time I gambled was the 9th of June. I can honestly say that today I have not felt any urge to gamble just wanted to get home and relax. I was at my second counselling session yesterday and spent most of the time talking about my past, Not even gambling I left really upset and realising my childhood played a huge part of where I am today. Gambling is the demon part but the rest of my life is great, great children, great fiance, great job, great family and friends. (Also season looking good for man utd) although I acknowledge the part my childhood played I want to make it clear I'm responsible for my addiction. I was the one that put the money in, it was me that drew the money off my card, only me that can stop and only me to blame...I don't have self pity I understand what I have done and the people I have hurt and accept full responsibility...now is the time to change---I'm sat next to my daughter watching her play, I so nearly lost her to gambling so I repeat IM A LUCKY ONE.

Why do I feel so lucky???? I'm over 15k in debt nearly lost my fiance and children. Pretty sure she will never trust me again...will never forgive myself for hurt I have caused....I don't feel lucky because I'm comparing myself to other ga in worst debt then me...I feel lucky because I have a slight chance to make up for the hurt I have caused, I feel lucky because my addiction was suffocating and ripping my soul but feel I have found some strength to say enough is enough my actions my responsibly and now is the time to face it and deal with it.

Another day free....it's difficult and my emotions are all over the place one minute I'm the happiest person in the world the next minute I'm ready to cry....this maybe due to years of been numb to emotions I can finally feel stuff again......well I was listening to talk sport and turned it down when the guy who talks about odds came on. I love the shows but don't think I'm ready to listen to odds...I'm realistic I'm never going to avoid people talking about odds or gambling but right now in my life I want to just enjoy the footy and have an emotional investment like when I was a kid and not a financial investment.

congratulations on being another day free.

it will take time for your fiance to start to trust you again but as you are taking it one day at the time so is she.

keep strong and hopefully you can beat this together.

Another day not gambling....managed to consolidate over 15k worth of debt thanks to my partner helping....I have thought about betting but thinks it's a behaviour cos I'm not feeling the urge or desire to actually gamble.....do feel like half of my life has been wasted and racked with regret that I can never get this back....iv gone from an emotionally strong person with Resilience to a quivering wreck that can't keep in check even the simplest emotion....it's not self pity it's realisation....I will say I'm working by backside off to make this right....this forum is massively helping and whether people reply or not the fact that I can be totally open and honest without people telling how I feel is great.

Today has been a hard day....not that Iv wanted to gamble because I haven't and actually today is probably the least I have though about it. However it's made me realise what iv missed out on...they are years and times of my life I will never ever get back....I have a good life and great family so I AM A LUCKY ONE but I could of been a better father, fiance and friend...I have no self pity just realisation that I have wasted time in my life...I'm a believer of one life and that's it, so what was I doing wasting it?????? At 31 I know I'm not old but I'm not young either so I also know I need to ensure that I never allow this demon/stranglehold to take another second of my life....

strange really dont think i will ever bet on roulete again , as it now makes me feel sick , but sometimes think of other things that could work , but reading your diary has really helped , it has shown me even if i were to win financially there life wise would be no win , but instead a loss of life , and what a cr** father i would become and to be honest in the long run i know i would loose financially as afterall thats what they are designed to make us do , also i must get it into my head although i played roullette the most and lost most of my money on that , it wasnt really roullette i was addicted to [ well it was but ] but it was gambling as a whole that i was addicted to . you post has really made me realise the important things in life and now i know when i wake up in the morning i will know i am also a lucky one when i see my son and know its him who matters [ not that i have ever neglected him through gambling as i havn't ] and know my girlfriend matters and that life is great and has a lot to offer providing we choose the right things in life , so glad i read your post ,ps sorry to waffle on your diary but your an insparation , and keep up the gamble free life and try and fill your old habbit time with anything that takes your mind off the addiction .

Hi KI

Having those feelings of regret and remorse is part of the recovery and and you have done very well to face them and be honest with yourself

You are VERY LUCKY and that is your key to abstain

Yesterday has gone yes we do have to live with regrets nothing will take that away but honesty within yourself will certainly bring an even happier future

Think of it as a blip in your life a mistake life is too short for too many regrets and why should we let gambling be one of them

Stay lucky and stay strong

Suzanne xx

Thanks for everyone's kind words and it does mean a lot. Not been on for a while, still not gambling though and to be honest never wanna ever go back to that dark place in my life.... Some reality is kicking in a realising the effect it has had on the family....also realised with the hurt I have caused that any issues that arise will usually be my fault and my issue with gambling usually comes up. This is just one side effect of been a cg I suppose....not crying as much and starting to deal with my past...the problem with this cg lark is that it's hidden the dark place is one it everyone could understand...especially as I show no physical side effects or injuries. Suppose the torment, regret and demon inside of me is just part of my life now and this realisation is a huge problem....I sti feel lucky though as I'm trying to fill my head with different thoughts. Not sure if as y of this made sense tonight but that's how I'm feeling