It's time to stop

Thursday 3 July 2014

Day two

Well that's one day without gambling , not much of an achievement tho considering I have no money , the hard work starts tommorow ( it's pay day ) . The same thoughts that I have had for the last few months will be going through my mind as I'm brushing my teeth and getting dressed for work " leave the bank card at home so I don't blow all my money , no I'm not going to gamble today I am responsible enough to have my own bank card " , I convince myself that I can go to work ( currently working on a site in a city centre so bookies everywhere ) and not be tempted to gamble . As soon as the clock hits the time I now the bookies are open I find myself walkin up full of enthusiasm that I'm just going to try a small amount of money and win big even tho I know the eventual outcome , and less than an hour later it usually over and done with , wage gone wondering how I am going to get through another week with no money .

Tommorow is going to be different , I am not going to go and try and win the money i owe to family from last week , I am going to pay them back out of my wage and the bit what is remaining I am going to make the most of and actually have some money in the bank this week .

I feel positive but I know that this can all change in a heartbeat when I get the urge and it takes over and all rational thinking evaporates as I talk my self into just a quick 5 minutes in the bookies

Tommorow needs to be different

Good luck for tomorrow this will be the test....i am hoping I can come back tomorrow night and read about your success...you sound very similar to how I was a few years back but was in denial that I could control it...a few years later and 15k worse off Iv realised gambling's not something I can control so it's a total stop....hope you get to see this earlier then me

Friday 4 July

Pay day and don't I know it , the knowledge that money is in the bank has my mind in overdrive this morning but I have got to overcome this . It's my sisters wedding next weekend and my sons birthday on Tuesday and I know the money I have to repay to 3 family members today they will need for the wedding and the remaining amount I need to buy my son his presents , even as I am writing this I am thinking how can it be that I have these 2 events next week and it still is within my thoughts to gamble . How selfish to even consider it but a suppose that's what been a cg is . I need to walk to the bank at break time not even look at the bookies take the money I owe out and put it straight into my family members bank accounts and then it's not at my disposal anymore and hopefully my urge to gamble will subside . I CAN DO THIS

Kl thanks for your words of support and u never mentioned in your post whether you had manged to stop gambling , but knowing what it does to people's life's I hope you have

Saturday 5th July 2014

Well yesterday was a cloud with a silver lining , I managed to stay away from the bookies and repay the money I owed but was slightly helped by the sidetrack of a phone call not long after my post yesterday morning to say that there was someone at my house removing my possessions . This sharply overtook the urge to gamble , after nipping to the bank and repaying the money I owed back into family members accounts ( because strangely I knew if I went home first to find out what was happening then the money would still be in my account and who knows what could of happened after I had dealt with the house ) . As it turned out they wasn't removing my possessions they had a van full of items from another job but they was in my house bagging everything up into piles in the corner of every room . I knew the house was going to be repossessed at some point but it came quicker than I expected . So Wednesday of next week I have to go to what was my house to a pre booked appointment to remove the rest of my possessions , what a massive change from April of 2008 when me and my family were excitidly moving in , 6 years later about 40,000 pounds in mortgage payments and it's all over no happy family ( me and my partner seperated in august of last year and she moved into her new house in December of last year ) would just like to say that the relationship breakdown wasn't gambling related we simply stopped loving each other and were more like two people that just lived in the same house . In the final months if the relationship I had really calmed my gambling down and initially after splitting up It didn't interest me to do it but since Christmas I have been back at it pretty hard tbh every pay day or to put it a better way whenever there has been money in the bank . This will be my fourth day of not gambling so it's a positive step . I need to look forward and not backwards for me and my children ( I have 3 , 2 girls and a boy ) and start to enjoy our lives free of the disease that is gambling .

We get one shot at this life and regardless what has gone before I want to make the most of mine and my kids .

I CAN DO THIS

Well done on the gamble free day yesterday. It's good that your thinking of your children, if that isn't a motivator to stop gambling then i don't know what is? You have taken some good 1st steps and started paying back people you owe money too. The voices in your head saying go on just a little flutter you might make a couple hundred quid in a few spins must be ignored . Your brain is trained this way now for the past 5 yrs. You can retrain it with hard work and really wanting to stop. I will personally follow your progress and please if you get bad urges come on here and share with us. You are not alone, i fight this everyday. You know you want to be happy so go ahead and be happy. Don't try and win your losses back there gone water under the bridge move forward. The next pay day make sure you plan the birthday wedding etc first then think about your priorities. Gabling my friend should never be in that list.

All the best and .....you can do this

Lifeswinner.

Thanks life's winner for your supportive words and everything you say is so so true it's when the urges come that all Normal rational thinking goes to one side and it's all about the fix . I hope that in time the urges gradually get less and I have some control over my actions but I know this is something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life . For about the last 18 months that I have been gambling it's not even about the money anymore i know that I aren't goin to win but I just seem to keep doing it , in the early days of playing on the bigger jackpot machines it excited me and the high of hitting the number you had been chasing or the main feature on a slot game was like no other but that's not there any more I just do it for ...... Well I don't even know .... I just can't stop myself

About three weeks ago I went to into a bookies with a work mate , just walking past and I said " just going to try a 20 " famous last words , after I had lost 200 and proceeded to lose the rest of what was in the bank about 400 in total he was gobsmacked and said you have just worked this week for nothing ( he doesn't know that I do this reguraley ) and my replie was "or well it's only money " that's my way of getting over the losses " it's only money you can't take it with you "but the thing what he said next was the thing that for some reason hit home and something that I had never realised because even tho I continually do this I thought it was my desicion and I was in control , he said "when you had lost about a hundred pound I was telling you to come off the machine and you was just looking thru me as if I wasn't even there and the look on your face was expressionless "back to the counter to deposit another 100 from my card . When I thought about this comment later it struck me that once you are in that zone nothing and no one matter , I was in a total differnt world hypnotized by the spin of a computer generated wheel . If as a cg I can stay away when the urges take over then surely I won't get into this ZONE and the rational thinking should return and keep me on the straight and narrow .

Coincidently tommorow my ex partner and the kids are going on a coach trip to the seaside the same coach trip that we all went on as a family about 5 years ago the place where I had my first big win that sucked me into this disease . We went with another family and the husband who happened to be a friend of mine was already in the grip of gambling . We was on the seafront and he said to his wife he was just nipping to the shop...... 2 hours later and we was on the beach with the kids and after many calls from his wife and a few words of what she was going to do to him he returned full of smiles and 500 pound better off , his wife soon cheered up . At the time I remember thinking why would you come to the seaside and just abandon your family to play on a slot machine , that was soon to be me over the following years . At the end of the day as we was returning to the coach we passed an amusement arcade and he asked why don't you come in here and have a go , after talking my partner into it ( seeing as he had win 500 in the morning maybe I can b as lucky ) as she didn't want me to me and him went in and they went and had half an hour in the park with the kids . After a few minutes in the arcade I got 3 pots on a machine and it spun a wheel which have me 200 pounds well I had never won anything like this in my life and was excitedly shouting to my friend who was on another machine what had just happened and while I was talking to him I am still pressing the button and 3 pots comes in again only about 3 spins after it had come in before " it's done it again I shouted , he came to watch the wheel spin and this time 400 pounds , 600 pounds won in 4 spins of a machine how easy . I cashed out and collected my money thinking I can't wait to get back to the missus and kids and show her all this money . Two things happened that day which u should of taken on board and maybe I would never of walked this path over the next 5 years , as I won the 600 pound my friend proceeded to lose the 500 he had won in the morning chasing even bigger money and when we returned to the women and kids and I excitedly told my partner to guess how much I had won " I don't care " she said " u should never have gone in gambling" just guess I said " no you should never have gone in " 600 pound here look "so what I'm not bothered how much you have won " if I had looked at the bigger picture she was right I shouldn't have gone , my friend had wasted his family time and money for nothing as he had lost it all and me winning had got me hooked from that day . If I had just not gone in that day everything could be differnt , but as I said in my last post I need to go forwards not backwards what's done is done

I CAN DO THIS

Hi believer

I love the name it's very positive

YES U CAN DO THIS

I wish you well on this new episode in your life

You are right it's not about the money in the end

Towards the end of my oblivion (that's the only way I can describe it) I had no feelings whatsoever whether I won or lost I felt dead if that makes sense and I NEVER want to go back there and nor do you

Keep going forwards and keep strong taking one day at a time

Life is for living in the real world

Well done for wanting to change

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Hi...

Really good to read your recent threads of not gambling. As I was reading each post I was thinking I hope the end of these he ain't gambled...

I have read what you said about going in a zone and know exactly how you feel. I became numb to losing money..I could lose 1k and no one would of known.

I stopped early June, I was totally honest with my family and nearly lost my fiance and would of ended up only seeing my children at the weekends. I decided from then that I was taking full responsibility for my actions and been totally honest about everything. My fiance has decided to support me through it, one of her reasons was that when I was actually honest and the way it made me she realised it was not that I didn't care it was more then that....

I can truthfully say that although gambling goes it to my head I have no desire or urge to put my money in....am a bit panicky for when that urge arrives though. Hope I can be as strong as you and say no.

I will read your threads with interest, hope this is a story with a happy ending

Thanks Kl and I wished for your kind words and support and I would like to return the support to you both and everyone else on this site that's goin thought the same struggle to stay free of gambling . It's good to hear of the support that people are receiving from there family's but it's Also good that people can get support from sites like this as the people on here can relate to the way this illness gets a hold on you and is so hard to turn your back on as they are going through the same feelings and emotions .

Sunday 6 June 2014

5 days gambling free , nearly broke yesterday and bought a scratch card while I was in the shop but as I was stood queuing I thought why bother because how my gambling brain works if I had lost I would of gone back and bought another and then another and it could if ended up getting stupid so I decided not to bother .

Had a good weekend to be fair had the kids yesterday which I enjoyed as did they , day in park with a little picnic , beats standing at a screen watching a wheel spin . This weekend after paying what I owed out I had 70 pound left and I still have 20 in the bank this morning so it just shows how cheap it can be have a good weekend and not need a lot of money , 70 pound on a gambling day would of been gone in 15 mins and it's lasted me all weekend

I CAN DO THIS

Monday 7 July 2014

Quick visit but 6 days and counting , not feeling very positive today for some reason but still no gambling so it's a good sign

I CAN DO THIS

Believer,

YES...You can do this. I know it's hard, people just don't understand but get the support, use the tools, u know the stuff, self exclude etc... cos once you remove the cash....it's like a bleeding maths equation (2x x squared) and your sorted....Good luck and don't ever give up trying...I havn't

Womble x

Quitting is hard...but YOU CAN DO THIS

Fri July 11 2014

Not posted for a few days but still gamble free,10 days and counting , I hope everyone else is still beating the demons and keeping strong . Thanks for the positive comments and support . I won't say it's been easy and hasn't crossed my mind to have a flutter but a suppose when you have done something for so long it becomes second nature to think like that . Pay day today and the usual thoughts of a cheeky 20 have been there but I thought it a better idea to post on here instead .

I CAN DO THIS ..... WE CAN DO THIS

Sunday 13 July 2014

Well should be day 12 but it's back to day 1 . Slight slip yesterday after a few too many shandys at my sisters wedding I had to nip to the shop which had a bookies at the side , 30 in 50 out not , not massive sums but a gamble all the same so am back to square one . Even tho I didn't lose any money I'm disappointed with myself that I did it , I thought I was beating the urges and then I falter . Day 1 onwards and upwards

I CAN DO THIS