is there any more to lose?

28 black. Been there seen it an wore the t-shirt... First advice is put relevant blocks in place so you can't gamble. Self exclusion from your local bookies? Gamblock software if you gamble online?... Then the hardest part honesty. Come clean it seriously helps. You might just be suprised at the help and support your family and even more so your gf is prepared to give you. Once you have come clean people are watching you so if you want to stop it will be a good deterrent. It may seem like the hardest thing to do but have a read of my diary and realise what a good position you probably are in. Your life will turn a corner once you stop gambling and be honest. The choice is yours ultimately but the proof is in the pudding as they say..

thank you for the reply PSOWM. firstly the software is a good idea. but i haven't got money to make a purchase and i have gambled at work before but do not want to install any programs on my work pc for obvious reasons. i will just try to go cold turkey and see. i try to fill the void in my life by gambling. i feel i have no purpose or direction and this gets worse with each tumble i take.

as for my gf...i have given her so many reasons to end things with me. things have only just started to improve. but i do not think that we are strong enough to survive this bombshell revelation. she has been attending church and has tried to lead a good life and i do not think she will accept our relationship if i told her. she found debit card receipts from ********* for 1000s in total last year. i made up a ludicrous story saying that they were my bosses. do not think she bought it totally but she gave me the benefit of the doubt. i could have come clean but didn't. by covering wrongdoings with lies over and over, i think it will change her whole perception of me entirely. i loathe myself so how can she not if she knew.

if i am able to abstain from all sorts of gambling for the rest of the year, i should be able to manage without needing to expose the truth. it is immoral to keep secrets, i accept that. it is no white lie...but hopefully i can overcome these next few months...and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

i am feeling ok now...i am skint to the bone, don't know how i'll get by this month, don't know how i'll avoid questioning, don't know if next month will be any better after repayments. i feel pretty blase...think i am blocking it all out. crunch time comes when i get paid again though. after suffering heavy losses i always think the tide will change, then i'll take my big win and run. but the winnings never stay in my pocket longer than a fortnight normally. but for now the battle is how do i survive the month? my gf has just spent all her disposable income on a car since she passed her driving test last month. i didn't even get her a card.

Hi, just wanted to offer a suggestion in terms of your comment about not wanting to put a betting filter on your computer at work.

I volunteer in a community IT room, where facebook is blocked as well as adult sites. This is because children have access to the computers.

Gamblock is permanent once you install it on a PC, but if you felt comfortable talking to your hr department about finding it hard to resist betting sites (on your breaks of course! they dont need to know you go on them when you should be working) they may be able to get betting sites blocked for you. Usually hr advisors are very sympathetic these days, and wouldnt tell your line manager about what you disclose to them.

Anyway, just an idea. Best of luck, take care.

Hi 28Black,

In my humble opinion, I feel that you are not building the necessary foundations in order to sustain a successful recovery.

The deceit will always find you out, and coming clean with your girlfriend may be more straightforward than you think, plus the support you may get (if she choses to stand by you) will be so very valuable.

As you have already stated, the real test has not yet begun, as you do not currently have the available funds to gamble.

I assume (correct me if i am wrong) that the reason for your IVA is because of past gambling, and therfore you have a history of gambling and not beating it?

I am led to believe that Gamblock has a free 7 days trial available if you don't have the money right now? Plus, you should consider self excluding yourself from all the local betting shops. I understand that you may not want to install this at work, I'm not sure how to deal with that one.

But really give yourself time to think your recovery through and put in as much work as you can to put up the immovable barriers that are so important to a sucessful recovery.

Oh and by the way, it's not too late to give your girlfriend a card to say well done. You could even make one yourself for free with a little imagination, sometimes these are even more special than just buying one!

All the best.

Weldy

Hi 28black

Sounds like you are in a bad space right now. This is probably the stimulus you need to kick this habit. Beating this is all about you doing it for you. If relationships break down then you have to accept it and move on. You will be a better person for it. If you carry on with your lifestyle your lies will find you out and it wil end in disaster. Your partner will find out in the end. You must put an end to the lies as they hold power over you and they fester and it gets out of control. You must take a deep breathe and make a decision as to whether you want to get it out in the open. This is ultimately for you. Get yourself right and everything else in your life will be better. If you carry on living lies people will not see the true you of whom I'm sure is a very good person.

Take care

Keep posting

Steve E

the day has just begun. payday loan not yet deposited but that's fine as i do not need to spend anything until the weekend but would just like the money there as security. thanks for the posts everyone.

our firm is very small so my boss would be informed if i installed any program on our pcs. they know about my financial situation but not the cause of it but by letting them know of any software, he'll be able to put 2 and 2 together.

as for telling my gf....i am afraid to as she will definitely not stand by me. she is all i have left as i've lost my friends along the years. my self-confidence has taken a battering. i see them go on holidays, drive new cars, get mortgages, go out all the time etc...whereas i seem to have stood still for 10 years....gone backwards in fact given the massive debt i am in due to gambling. this is the reason why i am not on facebook as i hate to face the reality of comparing my life with others. people text saying what have i been up to...nothing much is all i have to say. i am not a good person but i will try to be better. i am sorry to her and my family as i cannot reveal my true self as i am at the moment. i hope that interacting with everyone on here will replace my habits of the past 10 years. no more going to the bookies on my lunch hour every day. sometimes i end up there for a couple of hours. sometimes i do not even play but just watch if anyone is winning or losing heavily. no more logging online at midnight to play roulette online...still awake at 2am unable to comprehend what is going on after losing my whole pay packet in 1 go. already trying to think of excuses as to why i am broke. trying to think of ways to scrape money together. no more listening to radio commentary on sports or events i have no interest in just so i can bet in-play at unearthly hours. no more checking odds for every single event i come across such as odds for reality programs.

instead typing about my daily thoughts here and reading about other people will be my new obsession. i cannot/will not tell my gf therefore i MUST get better. there simply is NO other alternative.

I posted this on your introduction but though I'd put it here too...

The hardest thing I am finding (and it sounds like you have struggled with) is the idea of just accepting losses for what they are and not trying to chase them back. I've also gone down the root of credit cards luckily I have only one at the moment. As well as a large overdraft - both as a result of gambling. But you've made the first step by coming here and I'll follow your story as so many elements are similar to mine. The one that made me chuckle (rather ironically) is where you have to think of many different ways to explain to different people why you are so skint.

What I've found helpful is thinking of ways to replace gambling as an activity that you spend hours on. For me personally I'm going to try really hard to get fit and healthy and actually improve my quality of life. As your debts sound pretty heavy try and focus on how it would feel in a years time of you hadn't gambled and paid off some of those debts? Obviously that's easier that an actually doing it for real but try visualising it at least.

Anyway good luck to you buddy, I like to think that any money I earn now and don't spend on gambling is almost like having winnings in my account.

day 5 now...am in unauthorised overdraft now. will have to borrow some money to cover it. still awaiting my pay day loan. nice sunny day though so that lifts my mood a bit. went for a 2 1/2 mile job which i want to do again today. spoke to an ex gf on the phone too. i didn't mention what i was going through. took my mind off things. mentally i am coping so far but stress is yet to come when all the direct debits come in for bills etc. 1 day at a time or should i plan ahead?

have scrambled a tenner together now, just enough to keep me out the overdraft for a day. thought a split moment i was tempted to risk it so that i could win a fiver in order to have something in my wallet for emergency. i'll just go and pay all of it in the bank i think. 1st sign of weakness so far but nothing major it seems. let's hope it stays that way.

Maybe it was a sign of strength that you didn't gamble it...?

hi 28, if you dont have the money for gamblock then get into the sites and self exclude thats what i did for the first month sure it was tempting to gamble while in ther ebut once its done its done, its so easy to self exclude and its virtually instant on most sites.

please dont give up, i am in a horrible situation as far as money goes but, i will get out of it, its such a releif to know that what money is coming in will help to make the debts less, i have cut corners like rolling my own ciggies, taking packed lunches to work. i too was destitute one month ago, dont ask how i got by i dont know but the point is i did and here to tell the tale.

dont give up, you are still young, you can do this with help from here, use the the live line to talk to an advisor if you need to or are tempted, we are all here for one reason, because we have a gambling addiction we want to beat, this place is one of the only places anyone can be truly honest on, we are all anonymous, no one will judge, only hold out the hand of support.

stay strong 28

G x

thanks for reply ginny. i have self excluded myself from the betting website now. i have posted my account of it in the new intros forum but have included it below...

havei have just self excluded myself from my gambling site. as i did it i began to think...but i may find a good bet in the future like accumulators which require smaller stakes...i may be missing an opportunity for the future...i may be more disciplined after a while and can set sensible limits. all i could think of were positive outcomes....as always the negative consequences were pushed aside. but in a serious effort to beat this addiction i went ahead with it. so no more online gambling. need a stiff drink. pint of vodka please! still no loan...may need to ring them later on. bedtime now.

i have found that it is more difficult than i imagined. at first i thought will power would be enough. but increasingly i have come to realise that blocks and self exclusion are vital and is the minimum most of us have to do. my payday loan is in my account now. fleeting thoughts have entered my head. maybe i could try to win a tenner perhaps so i can get a takeaway for the weekend. but i know i will not stop there. after i would always aim at winning a bit more for some other purpose. and invariably i will have a bad run where it will take a large chunk and i will have to risk everything once again to get it all back. it has nearly always ended in tears. when i am in need the most, i find that luck deserts me. even if i have a good result, the money is usually gone before i can even spend it. as i am about to go for lunch already i am having thoughts about having a gamble. the previous few days were false confidence as i was broke then but now i have actually got a few hundred sitting in my bank i am struggling to get the thoughts out my head. i am going out for a walk but leaving my wallet in the office.

took a fiver out to buy a drink and thought i'd use the change to have a few spins on the slots perhaps. ended up winning 60pence! thought i am so disappointed with myself. it doesn't matter that no damage was done to my bank balance but it's made me re-evaluate how tough all this really is. justifying small stakes is doing me no favours as it can all so easily lead back to the slippery slope. ended up chatting to the manager of the shop about my decision to try and quit. today has been a blip. hopefully tomorrow will be better again and hopefully sunny weather over the weekend so i can enjoy a cheap day of sitting in the park getting a tan. am enjoying my winnings and bought a nice cold drink!

Hi 28

I have just caught up with your diary, here and on new members and wow....you are as mixed up with this addicition as I was when I first decided I needed to stop. Difference was, I didn't make the choice at first, my partner found out about my gambling.

I tell anyone coming here not wanting to tell their partner..... you must...they have a right to know what you are about. Are you planning on living a lie all your life? You have the right to live your life as you see fit...but so has your girlfriend. I can understand you are frightened of her leaving you....I was, but...put yourself in her shoes...what if you found out she had been lying to you and deceiving you for years? How would you react if you found out? Would it not be better if she had told your rather then you find out?

I had my last bet on the 5th June 2007. Once my partner found out it was a relieve for me because I was able to tell him all and I mean all. No good keeping anything hidden as it would come and bite my b**t at a later date. My partner and I are still together but it has not been easy. We both had to re-learn things about the other and ourselves and start our own individual recovery.

Please don't take this as just a silly habit that is easy to stop. Gambling is a serious addiction that can and has cost lives.

Also..what surprises me about a lot of people who come here(me included, yup I used to think that too) that makes us think that the people around us are so stupid that they don't know something is going on. What makes us so clever that we think we can outsmart everyone?

Think again! We can't!

Over the past 2 years I have spoken with many other gamblers and partners and friends of gamblers and the majority of the non gamblers have told me that they knew something was going on. Some partners thought that the gambler was having an affair and were quite relieved to find out that that was not the case. One thing they were all saying though was, that the one thing that hurt them most was being lied to.

Please re-think.

Sorry for writing so much but I need to share these thoughts when they come into my head.

I wish you well in whichever way you try and arrest this addiction. Keep sharing.

God Bless

Charly