My name is angie and I'm a compulsive gambler. This is the first time I've ever said/typed this so I stopped myself and actually said it out loud.
This is day 3 for me. I joined the group Sunday but I'd gambled in the early hours and spent Sunday in a haze of self pity, shame, guilt, and embarrassment and anger so I'm counting Monday as day 1....its now Wednesday and I'm on day 3 so far. In those three days I've mainly been trying to juggle bills and payments after spending way more than I should have on the dreaded online slots. Not too difficult to not gamble when you have nothing left to gamble with really so not too much of a test just yet... although I did feel a great sense of achievement in walking past all the usual places I'd stop and buy 2 or 3 scratchcards with a few pounds in my pocket. The big test for me will be after the bills are paid and the credit card is no longer maxed out. (Didn't it used to be that you weren't allowed to use credit cards for gambling? I remember being asked if it was a credit or debit card when buying a lottery ticket years ago and the girl told me they weren't allowed to process lottery on credit cards as it was considered gambling)
Anyway...three days in and I've managed to walk past the scratchcard counter so far and not throw any money at slots, tho as I said that's not too difficult just yet so I won't congratulate myself on that one.
My main problem has been scratchcards initially then once Internet was installed I moved on to online scratchcards then online bingo then my biggest problem of online slots. I hardly ever play the lottery and never bet on sports apart from one or two pounds on the grand national in the past. I think because the result is immediate with slots and cards it was more appealing to me as I even got fed up watching bingo games online...They were taking too long...I'm so impatient.
I'm looking forward to not having this dirty little secret any more. I'm looking forward to not spending hours clicking a button to see my money go down and down and down then spending the next day tired, irritable and angry with myself having ploughed yet more money into slots meaning we have to scrape by again so I can pay the bills. I'm looking forward to not feeling such a mug for having chased after losses only to lose ten times the initial loss. I'm looking forward to spending my money on my family and nice things instead. I'm looking forward to never feeling that awful feeling in my gut where I know I've played too much yet I've still deposited one more time cos that big problem solving win must be due to come my way by now..only it never does.
Steps I've taken so far..
Removed credit cards from paypal account and put them into a block of ice in the freezer (something I picked up years ago as a tip to stop spending on cards unnecessarily. By the time it's defrosted or you've chipped away at the ice enough you've had time to consider your actions. But cards are still intact in case needed)
Tried to install blocker...looked into k9 but on my phone it's just coming up as a black screen when i open it...I'll look into other options for that
I've self excluded from as many sites as I can think of that I've ever registered on
I'm considering what I need when I go out to shops and try to take just that amount with me or as close to it as possible so that I'm not tempted to buy scratchcards. This was also a money saving tip that helped me clear s little debt and save up in the past
Feeling positive so far...I know it's early days yet tho. But i feel like I've started my journey now...just need to stay on track and try my best to prepare for what lies ahead and do what I can to avoid being persuaded to step off course
Feeling positive 🙂
Hi Angie,
Welcome to the Forum and welcome to recovery!
It is good to read that you have put many blocks into place already and they are all good steps to take. If you have difficulties with blocking your phone, you can always consider talking to your bank, too and change your account to an account which doesn't allow you to use your cards online. Many banks call this a "basic" account and provide this option.
I really like you literally freezing your cards. It is all about buying yourself some thinking time when you feel an impulse to gamble, as you did on Sunday morning.
It's great that you joined us here and started a diary. I hope that you will receive much support here in addition to the group which you refer to.
You can do this!
Kind wishes
Gabriele
Hi Angierey,
Just had to say your description of playing online slots really hit home with me. We've got to stop. Those slots basically do the same for everyone, which is end up taking our money, leaving us feeling like cr@P. I've had enough. Sending you lots of strength.
Well the first week is over and done with. I'm actually amazed that I've gone a full week without buying a scratchcard in the shops...when I count up the 3-5 pounds a time over a week I spent previously then I've probably saved around 30 pounds just not buying those. I have been tempted tho and I've had the niggling thoughts of just buying one... it's only a pound...could end up with 10 or 20 pounds if I win on it...etc etc
I didn't cave tho...wonder if the shop staff will notice lol..I noticed when I worked in shops when people had cut down on alcohol/cigarettes and there were a few lottery players who I definitely would have noticed had they suddenly stopped buying/playing... I've even thought what I could say if asked about it lol.
Slots haven't been tempting yet as im trying to clear up last week's credit card mess still so it'll be a few week before the little devils on my shoulder whispering 'one little deposit...One big win' into my ears there lol
Anyway...One week done...actually day 8 cos I was busy yesterday and didn't get the chance to log in..feeling good and staying positive
That's brilliant angierey well done! I also loved the idea of literally freezing your cards lol like admin says gambling is mostly about impulse especially online slots scratch cards etc It takes no time at all to rack up debt and not pay bills but takes time to get out the mess but it can be done! Just focus on one day at a time and keep yourself busy and the haze will slowly lift. Remember we cannot win because we cannot stop! Cheers
P.s. If you get some time I urge you to read the diary entitled Charlys Life it is inspiring and I think will benefit you and others greatly
Thanks new beginning
I've read through some of the diary threads and some forum posts just at random and forget which ones I've looked at. Think I'll sit when the kids are settled one night and have a good read through some more and try to note what I've read...its hard keeping track when having a look while kids are playing (fighting/screaming/ganging up on me lol)
Day 12 today and got a little lift yesterday when checking my energy account to find it in credit and I requested a refund...I'm getting the refund plus my monthly payment is dropping by more than £20 which wI'll be a good help towards clearing up the credit card mess. It's not much but it's a bit of a weight off for me for now.
Funny how £20 a month cut in my bills pleased me so much when in the past I've thrown 5 times that into slots in a night and thought nothing of it
I never really considered myself to be 'a gambler' before. Gamblers go to the bookies and use betting slips or play poker... buying a scratchcard wasn't gambling it was the lottery...everyone plays the lottery ...etc etc then I started online bingo and of course bingo isn't gambling..its bingo...old ladies play bingo they're not gamblers....gamblers are those men in the bookies and at the racecourses. ..gamblers don't play bingo that's for old ladies to give them something to do to get out the house and socialise. Then the slots would appear next to the bingo games...why not spin a few times while the bingo is running...that's not gambling it's just a fun side game...its a little game not gambling...its not a bet it's just a little game with teddy bears on it and everythibg. ..gamblers don't play games with teddy bears on them they study odds and shout at tvs in the bookies...I'm not a gambler
Total denial for years and years and years. Only recently began to see myself as a gambler and one who needed to stop. I finally admitted it...I have a gambling problem. ...I made myself say it out loud and truly accept that I AM a gambler and I DO need to stop.
Coming into the weekend...One of my weak times. I don't have much money but I know I could deposit a little if I jiggled things around a bit so this weekend will be the first test for me regarding the slots.
I must admit though I do feel a big sense of achievement when walking past my usual haunts for scratchcards... I do look at them when standing at the till in my local shop but the thing going through my mind most is how I must have spent a disgusting amount of money on them over the years and I often wonder if the guy behind the counter is thinking anything cos I'm not buying them now lol.
Prepared for my first test of willpower this weekend. Credit cards in the freezer. ..cash withdrawn from bank and in my purse (dangerous for scratchcards but helps disable online spending) and I've self excluded from all sites I was using and I've self excluded from loads more previously...I'd have a bit of a search to find a new one then a whole big hassle of transferring money defrosting cards to see the numbers etc to make a deposit so hopefully I'll get by and be posting 2 weeks free on monday
Well you've taken some great steps and most of all you've admitted you have a problem. Sadly there are no quick fixes it takes time. I read on here one of the things to do is get back and reassess the value of money. When it's on a screen it's just little digital numbers and doesn't seem real when your in that haze but all those Wee pounds and fivers mount up,just look how happy you are about your energy account 🙂 stay strong and you can do this. Your doing it for the kids and yourself and your family. Use any means necessary to stay gamble free,maybe treat yourself once you hit a target day etc if we make it through the weekend we'll feel amazing on Monday! Good luck one day at a time 🙂
Just seen a wee shooting star tonight as I was heading to bed...I know it's the season for them (perseids or something it's called) and I know I'm supposed to be a grown up...but I still made a little wish hehe
Goodnight all x
Morning angierey hope your doing ok here's to another day of not gambling. 🙂
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