It's slot to stop

Hey Liaison,

Another great day spend in the winners land! You're doing it and should be proud. Dont fear the letters,they might be just ugly reminder of your past, but also a great tool to keep on the straight and narrow!
Still a little concerned about that acc you have closed for 6 weeks...can't you self exclude for good or at least min 3 months? Barriers are needed my friend, without them it's slippery slope bk to hell.
Keep moving on, keep posting and keep winning! You're doing it..one day at a time!

Sandra x

Hi Sandra, have closed the account now that I had excluded myself from for 6 weeks, I knew what would happen and I don't want to go back to that dark place, I wrote them an e mail saying I was a compulsive gambler and although I was a bit hesitant about hitting the send button I knew I had to so I did!! I was reflecting on when I gave up drinking I dreaded the thought of never drinking alcohol again and worried how I would cope with special occasions etc but after a while it gets easier and yes at times I miss it but I will never have that first drink again because that's the one that does the damage therefore I don't want to ever have that first bet again because I know I cannot win because I cannot stop! Thanks Sandra for your continuing support, hope you are well and that it's sunny where you are, it's lovely here so I have been doing some much needed gardening instead of pretending that I needed to do something important on the computer!

Thanks Steve70, yes bank statements are awful one of my accounts I used for gambling is paperless so didn't have to worry about that one in the post! The other one tho isn't and I am still waiting for that to arrive!! As for my debts since I told my partner about the gambling 3 and a half years ago some of them are being paid off jointly the others by myself, unfortunately at that point I carried on gambling in secret so haven't made any impact on the ones I had responsibility for! The final straw for me to stop the gambling apart from the lies, shame, deceipt, awful dread, increasing financial burden was the fact that I suddenly realised that I couldn't control my gambling I would sometimes put a weekly/monthly limit on my online accounts but I hated it knowing that you used and lost your limit and had to wait another week/month before you could deposit again, I would literally be counting down the seconds until I could again!! About 4 weeks ago I took the limit off one of my accounts and then had to wait a week before it took effect and once it was off that's when I went £300 over my 3k overdraft, that's when I admitted to myself I cannot control this, I cannot do what my head is saying and stop at a certain point and walk away, that's why I joined this amazing site and I did have a blip a couple of days in when I went on to that gambling site to close my account and ended losing £85, I did close it after that!! I can do this and am going to do this but will never let my guard down, hope you are having a good day Steve

I notice that all the stories I read on here no one mentions the name of the gambling companies that they have used so I won't name the ones I used but hopefully I can say this, do you think with the online gambling companies they are looking at your account and thinking they have a problem they will just keep pumping money in and chasing their losses (while rubbing their hands together!!!) I would always find that if I could manage to keep away from temptation for a few days that I would be luckier!! Last May I was going to close one of my accounts and had to have an online chat to do it (their phone line was always unattainable) was advised not to close it as I had loads of free bingo tickets to win a holiday (which I knew I had) and that there was always a good chance I would win this holiday, lo and behold I did however as I was gambling in secret there is no way I could have accepted it as how could I have explained that one to my other half! Anyway I contacted them via chat (they hadn't informed me I had won it was only because I checked) and asked if they were offering a cash alternative, eventually they said they would as I was a loyal customer, I had to chase for 7 months (which in itself was stressful as it was in secret) before I received the cash alternative, needless to say a couple of months later they had it all back! But are they fixed according to your depositing/wagering habits? Another thing that always bugged me was that some of them advise that if they suspect you have a problem or there is a lot of activity on your account within a short space of time that they will contact you to see if there is a problem, how it was never picked up that on registering a new credit card and proceeding to blow over £4k in a very short space of time that there wasn't a problem I don't know, but then I can only blame myself for doing it in the first place!!! Long ramble but loads of things I want to say and share. Day 12 and feeling positive!

Day 13, not unlucky for me but lucky as 13 days of being gamble free, have gone for longer periods of abstinence before when I have self excluded from my online accounts but as soon as that time was up I was back to it, this time though without sounding complacent is different those accounts are closed and there is no going back to them. Last night my partner should have been working but his work was cancelled, a fortnight ago I would have been disappointed (that sounds terrible I know) but we had a lovely evening together, today would have been another trigger point for me as he's gone fishing so instead of being cooped up indoors increasing my debt, I am going to make the most of the beautiful day. Have a wonderful gamble free day everyone x

Day 14 for me, 'one day at a time', read some really inspirational stories on here yesterday along with amazing support and advice given and I thought if they can beat this then so can I, made the most of the lovely day yesterday and went to a family barbecue in the afternoon, normally I would have been gambling until the last minute before having to drag myself away from the house along with a lot of resentment for having to leave my gambling and taking a lot of resentment with me for the losses I would have incurred but not this time had a lovely afternoon. Bank statement hasn't arrived yet!! Stay strong everyone

Well done Liaison, on getting through the first 2 weeks,

Stay strong and keep focused

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne, the days soon add up, it is really difficult though but I cannot keep putting myself through the added stress of the financial pressures and adding to my debt, I am looking at it that by taking one day at a time that at least I will slowly but surely chip a little off my debt by remaining gambling free and drawing a line under my losses! onwards and upwards. Day 15 for me, off to work in a bit, have a good gamble free day everyone and thanks Suzanne once again

Day 16 for me, doing it one day at a time, the days soon add up! Just phoned an online gambling site I belonged to but hadn't used for ages as I e-mailed them a couple of days ago to ask them to close my account (better to be safe than sorry) but they wanted to speak to me over the phone which I have just done, he asked how long I wanted to self exclude for to which I proudly answered permanently! I do hope that eventually all the e-mails will stop from the various gambling sites! Thinking about gambling a lot and it seems scary knowing I won't gamble again but I used to think that in the early days of my sobriety and I have now been sober for 3 and a half years, it's difficult at times but so worth it. Hoping everyone is having a good gamble free day

Thanks for your comment on my diary. It's nice that someone else is on the same day count as me....we'll be able to celebrate a year at the same time!

You're doing really well and it's great that you can learn from your experience of becoming sober to help you with your recovery from gambling.

It's good that you excluded from that website. Resist the temptation to open any more and make sure your triangle stays broken, as it really helps. Looking forward to following your progress x

Hi LifeBegins, Day 17 for us, we are doing really well, celebrating a year together will be brilliant, we can do this. Only a short post I am afraid as off to work in a min, will catch up with you again tomorrow, keep up the good work x

Hi diary, day 18, feeling positive, in a much better place than I was 18 days ago, finances will take a long time to recover but at least I am not making them worse and this month when I get paid I won't be squandering it away on gambling, it will go towards chipping away at that debt. When I gave my diary the title 'it's slot to stop' it's because at the time I felt I HAD to stop, now I WANT to stop. Being a recovering alcoholic I know that it's the first drink that does the damage and it's the same for gambling it's the first bet that does the damage, that's why I choose not to have that first drink or that first bet. Hoping that everyone is having a good gamble free day x

Hi diary, day 19 for me, be glad to get to 29 days as that will be the longest time I have abstained from gambling for quite a few years!! I would exclude for 4 weeks mainly when I was angry at the gambling site because I had lost and then I would be climbing the walls and counting down the seconds until I could deposit again!!! Am taking one day at a time until that target and then one day at a time for the targets after that.

I have never been very good with money, never been able to save, even when I was 17 (am 52 now) and got my first full time job I always had an overdraft, then when I was married and only worked part time because of having 3 'little uns', I managed to rack up huge debts this was spent on improvements on the house and on my girls, I would get loans just to make payments on the other loans, this went on for a few years and eventually I started working full time however by then I just couldn't keep up with the payments, I think with loans and credit cards I had 10 altogether and when I added it up it came to £50,000 of debt, my husband (now ex husband) had no idea although where he thought I got the money from to pay for a conservatory and other improvements on the house I have no idea!! Anyway my next door neighbours knew about the debt, I would often go round to theirs in the evenings (ex was always out) and have a few drinks with them (this was in my drinking excessively days) and in the end they got worried about me because I would always end up in such a state over my debt so they told my ex husband about the debt, he went nuts at first but eventually calmed down and we were able to add the debt to the mortgage which I then paid back to him in monthly instalments until shortly after our divorce!! It wasn't because of this that we split although it probably didn't help. Anyway that is just an example of how hopeless I am!! I like knitting and crochet - something I haven't had the motivation to do recently because of the gambling but have now started again to keep me busy - however at one stage I was buying wool as if there was going to be a shortage of sheep and every magazine or book about it going!! If I live to 100 I doubt I will get through all the wool I have!! Its the same with books if I live to that age I doubt I will get to read them all. Have come to the conclusion that I am 'an all or nothing person'!! or am I just crazy!!!

Other half keeps saying to me today to remember to do my Sky Super 6, its a free bet on the football scores but I do not have any inclination to do it all as I know I would feel guilty and I would feel as if I had gone back to day zero and that is the last thing I want.

Still waiting for my bank statement with all my horrible gambling transactions on it, its about two weeks late, I think they looked at how much paper they would need to print it out and are waiting for another stationery order!!!!

Hope everyone is having a good day, stay strong

Hi diary - Day 20 for me, time is a funny thing, at the beginning of my journey here (twice at being at day one), it seemed as if it would be an eternity until I reached this point, but it has gone really quickly, but how come waiting for pay day takes ages, yet bills seem to come round so quickly!!!

I am feeling really positive about things at the moment, haven't felt like this for such a long time although I am very much aware not to get complacent and to keep my guard up at all times. Got one of my credit card annual statements yesterday, I have 3 outstanding credit cards all of which I cannot use as they have a stop on them - one of them has an outstanding balance of £6k on it (£4.5k from gambling) I pay them a fixed amount a month and the interest is fixed at a lowish rate for me, another one again is a fixed amount per month, however the one that I got the annual statement from yesterday I have been only paying the minimum amount per month (so that I had a bit of my wages left over for gambling), however the interest is nearly as much as the minimum amount and a whole year all I have managed to pay off the balance is £85!! That is going to change over the course of time. No more budgeting so that I am paying the bare minimum off my debts and leaving myself some to gamble with, although in theory it didn't leave me a lot to gamble with anyway but that would always go out of the window once I got into that horrible gambling zone and chasing losses, I would then end up desperately trying to raise the money to cover mortgage, debts etc by either pawning jewellry or lying to my parents to borrow money, what a horrible place to be in and that is all changing, am going to start chipping away at my debts bit by bit.

Am going away in 7 weeks time, my daughter lives abroad, so cheap flights are booked and will be staying with her so no accommodation fees, just a bit of spending money to save for which if I was gambling wouldn't be achievable and I know that I should be using that spending money towards debts but I really want to see my daughter and give her a big hug and to have some quality time with her and to me that is the most important thing.

Been listening to quite a bit of music recently and its amazing how if someone is singing about an ex how you can relate the words to gambling!!! -

'You raise me and then you let me fall'

'You know that I can't take one more step towards you 'cos all that's waiting is your gr asp, I had learnt to live half a life, who do you think you are, leaving behind your scars, don't come back for me!!'

Reflecting on my awful gambling days - online being my downfall - it would be the bonus features that I would keep depositing my money for - however I think one of many final straws for me was just over 3 weeks ago when I had been playing £1.20 a spin which to me is a lot especially when I would sit there for hours (if I could) playing and I got a bonus feature (20 free spins) and won £3.60!!! bearing in mind at this point I had deposited nearly £300 with them at that point!!! It did go some of the way though to showing me how futile and pointless it all was.

Anyway, other half is working this afternoon (he's a taxi driver) and I have made arrangements to go out with his Mum, something I wouldn't have done 3 weeks ago, I would have been waving him off with a big grin on my face, thinking yea I have the whole afternoon of gambling only to come crashing down when I had exhausted any available funds and lost them all, but no more of that for me am going to enjoy my freedom from that awful demon that would 'build me up and then let me fall apart'.

Bit of a mixed ramble!! Now off out for a little while, have a wonderful Sunday everyone.

Good to see you doing so well, and sounding so positive. 21 days today...well done!

My downfall was also online slots, and those awful bonus features. They're cleverly designed to hook you in, with lots of near misses and the constant thought that the bonus feature will come at any minute. When I think back now with the clarity of being away from them, it's utter madness. Those "free spins" have literally cost me thousands of pounds.

Keep on doing what you're doing as it's clearly working 🙂 Have a great gamble free day.

LifeBegins x