Last Gamble 30th August 2009

Day 650

Had a good weekend, hungover but apart from that all is good. No thoughts of gambling at all.

Hey Jimmy, I wish I had given up at 22, you got 10 years on me, beating this addiction will change your life forever - go for it! The tough bit is not getting complacent, which is why I post on here.

Cheers,

Jim

Day 655

All is good, tough week in work but as clockwork it is the weekend again and looking forward to it.

Cheers, Jim

Day 662

I don't normally think about what has gone before as I can't change it....... but I was just thinking about Friday afternoons, I used to finish early and end up in the bookies or in the Snooker hall playing fruit machines. It was not unusal to lose £1000 on a Friday. Just typing that gives me butterflies in my stomach! I am so glad that I managed to stop, to all those trying to stop I wish you well, gambling made my life hell.

Cheers, Jim

P.s. I hate gambling

Hi Jim

IMHO i think it's good to have a look back, just to remind ourselves what gambling has done to us.

Good times ahead tho, especially without gambling in our lives, respect to you my friend, with your flawless recovery!!!!

Keep those gamble free days racking up, sure you will!

take care, ands.

And what can we do with £1000?

I can certainly think of plenty!

Keep up with the great work.

GT

Day 667,

Cheers ands and GT, all is good - no gambling, not much reflection either but I agree it is definitely worth remembering, if you have never made a mistake you have never made anything.

Feeling good - bring on the weekend.

Cheers, Jim

Hi Dazzler, a dazzling thread! I have read bits and pieces from start to finish to try and build up a picture of life for you then, and now.

Recovery is indeed miraculous just as GA proclaim in the 'Towards the First 90 Days' booklet. We were reading that particular part from the blue book last Thursday and I was getting angry, arguing the use of the word miracle was presumptuous and untrue for all people, only for some. In true Simon style I ended up arguing my point just for the sake of arguing but the knowledge and power of the room finally got the better of me and I eventually came round to their way of thinking. 6 days on and here I am reading a thread on Gamcare, I could have picked anyones but it's yours, and I see in front of my very eyes that miracle of recovery the book talks about. If that isn't a further miracle in itself and my higher power at work directing me then I don't know what is. God bless you, and thank you. Its so important that you keep posting, I think I have just demonstrated why.

You have worked hard on your recovery, you have not become complacent and you are aware of the dangers every day, and so you should be. They creep up from nowhere and before we know it the demons are at work once again. You went into the casino and that must have been the hardest decision to make in the time you have been in recovery. You made it, and you are to be commended, but for goodness sake don't put yourself through that again. It must always be a strict, absolute no even if it is to do with business. I am sure with the strength and confidence you have built up since 2009 you can now face someone and say with pride, "Actually, I used to have problems with gambling so a casino is a place I just cannot go into. I am sure you understand. How about somewhere else?" And any healthy functioning human being, especially a professional businessman I imagine, would be perfectly understanding and supportive of that fact. I never hide that I have a problem and I am never ashamed to admit it to anyone. I appreciate we are all different and there are many debates in and out of GA rooms about this particular point but to my mind our recovery must have absolute priority. You had a very lucky escape that night. We can believe with all our heart we are strong enough to do it with time off but as a compulsive gambler who is always in recovery and only ever one bet away, it is important to recognise that is the ego taking over. Early on in your recovery you would never have put yourself through that as all the warning lights and bells would have gone off. Just a healthy reminder from my own past experiences.

All is good Jim so keep up the hard work and keep posting. All the best from me. Just for today I will not gamble.

Simon.

Day 673

Thanks for the post Simon, I have never been to GA but I am aware of their philosophy and a 'miracle' is a very thought provoking term, many people would argue that miracles do not exist... I am an atheist at least I think I am so I would have agreed.

But I can positively say that nothing in my life even resembles the mess I was in back in 2009, nothing at all and it is unexplainable and life improves every day because I believe in what I am doing, focus on what I want and I am positive and believe it is going to get better.

Miracles? I don't know but I cannot explain how my life has turned around it is so much more than gambling you wouldn't believe but Miracle probably doesn't even describe half of it.

The Casino that night probably wasn't the worst part - my life had changed by then, taht is not me being complacent that is just a fact, the first month that was tough - several years ago I had a huge loss in one night that was tough, every weekend I would lose a fortune that was tough.... the lying to my ex and my family that was tough. The hardest part I think was dreaming about gambling and waking upset that went on for a while.

Anyway, no chance of me going in a casino again.... none at all.

Keep up on your recovery.

All the best.

Jim

Thanks Jim, and you take good care too. I shall be following your diary.

Just for today I will not gamble.

SImon.

Jim,

I have just joined up to the forum and find your diary an inspiration and I am going to follow your lead. My wife is expecting our first baby and I want to get thi under contol over the next few months so that I can enjoy our new arrival.

I CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS!

Jim,

I've just reached 40 days, and I've spent the day feeling really down. I've just logged on to update my diary, and I've just read yours again, and it's made me realise how things can be turned around. A real inspiration which has lifted my spirits. Keep posting mate.

Day 676

Thanks guys for posting on my diary. It feels really strange being called an inspiration, but it makes me feel good (in a weird way) so thank you!

Good luck with your recovery guys, not wanting to repeat myself but I think the first 35 days is pretty tough getting between two pay packets which is typically 60 days as most people give up straight after they have lost a months wages was a big mile-stone - as I realised (believed) once I had not wasted anything from a months pay pack that I can do this and I have gone from stumbling at the start to sprinting along since then. Days become months!

Really do keep on going guys.... it is so so so worth it. More than I ever imagined.

If asked do you wish you had given up gambling earlier, I think the answer is no, it made me who I am and I can laugh about how bad I was with my close friends (I was freaking dangerous) but in truth it is how I met my best friend and without him I wouldn't have met my wife and I wouldn't seen half the things I have seen (mostly bad) but it didn't kill me and it made me stronger!

Would I ever go back, not for anything!

Keep it going, you will feel like a million dollars.

Cheers, Jim

Day 678

Had a good weekend, over did it last night on thhe beer, but feel pretty good considering. No thoughts of gambling, went in a bookies (to use the loo) on my way driving home from a meeting on Friday, no urge at all to gamble.

Looking forward to the footy season starting but apart from that not much going on.

Another good week coming.

Cheers, Jim

Hi

Wow, nearly 2 years, well done. Same thing happend to me, went into the bookies to use the loo, never gave gambling a second thought.

Good work.

Shaun

Day 684

Had a good week at work, busy and kinda productive. Feel great enjoying the weekend.

Cheers Jim