Life begins again

thank you sooo very much, Duncs, Paul, Junniee, Ginge, Dan, NT, Steve and Dave for your lovely messages of support on me reaching one whole year, would never have got this far without all the lovely gamcare friends that I have had the honour to be walking along side with to keep arresting this horrible addiction,

Junniee you always make me smile, hope you went straight to sleep lol.

Good morning diary,

I have reached one whole year today 365 days of not having spent even one single penny on any form of gambling,

My recovery journey has and still is a big rollercoaster ride, it's feels great to be in that 3 to 5% I feel like I have climbed to the top of the mountain today, and yet It feels strange because I know it is and always will be very much one day at a time.

I will update my diary and post on the challenge thread later today when I have finished work and have more time lol.

For now I just want to say this forum and all the wonderful folks that have come and gone and the ones that are here now. I would not have come this far without all the support I have received everyday for the last 365 days.

Thank you each and every one of you for letting me read your posts,.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Wow wee One whole year of commitment and serious hard work to maintain and abstain. Am so very proud of you and you must be so proud of yourself.
Huge congratulations and keep inspiring people
Love Cheryl xxx

Well done Suzanne. What a wonderful acheivement and be so very proud of yourself. I have not been on much lately but pencilled this day in my diary so i could come on congratulate the most popular,understanding,kindest, supportive person on this site. Well Done

Massive well done on reaching a whole year , that is something I dream of and aspire to and to be honest along my journey your support helped me more than words can describe , knowing you have reached this uge milestone makes me feel very happy , you help others and hope you have something special planned to mark the year without gambling.

Jeeezz gal! Good job we have our Juunee here kicking a*** from all directions lol (not if i forgot your milestone ....*shocked facie* ☺)

Whoop whoop Blondie! Look at ya smashing through that whole year g free!! Am proud of ya? Hell i am!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work and keep making the right choice. Many more years of freedom and harmony are lined of you, accept that gift greatly - you're sooooo worth it!

Hugs hun, keep winning

S x

Congratulations on your year, keep it going, am sure you will

Warm regards... S.A 🙂

Thanks Cheryl, Gregg, John, and not forgetting Sandra lol, (who has unconditionally posted to me from my day 1) xxx

Dear diary,

Posting my update on one whole bloody amazing, challenging, mind boggling, and totally un boring one year.

( Tried to cheat lol, by copying and pasting my post from the challenge thread but it does not work on my server HD lol)

Ohh well good excuse to have another vodka and orange while I am typing HD.( well deserved today I think diary).

As I posted on the challenge thread, I feel I have made a big achievement in my life, but it feels strange, because I know it is still and always will be one day at a time lol.

This last year has been truly an amazing experience, challenging my strengths and weaknesses, and making slow but sure small changes continuously to mould around my recovery to give me positives and change my mindset.

These changes are ongoing as my journey continues.

It is still very much a rollercoaster ride as I continue to adapt and make the rights choices for me and my family.

Must mention my long suffering wonderful OH, who has quietly supported me through the hell at the beginning and still supports me as we reach new obstacles, he has been my rock, he does not still trust me one inch, ( even one year later I do not have access to his comp or phone) he did not bail me out, or take over my debt, and that is one of the reasons why it has worked for us.

He left me to pick up MY mess and sort it out, and I did, 12 payday loans ( 3 in his name) have all been paid off, I can deal with my long term debt, it's on my own plan interest free and mere monthly tokens, but it does not worry me, so therefore I don't need to gamble to get some money back, but it was not about winning money in the end, it was just winning so I could play more and more

Win or lose I just wanted to play into oblivion.

When Mr Gamble (good way of putting it junnie) comes calling it's not for me to win money, it's to get me to just keep playing and playing into oblivion,

The triangle has truly helped me in vulnerable times and will continue to do so, I have no gap whatsoever to let Mr Gamble in quickly, I would have to still put money on my card, dirty my IPAD etc, but the triangle gives me space and time to tell the urges/ thoughts where to go.

I have no stress now from gambling, no sleepless nights stressing to where I am going to steal/ P**n etc my next fix from, yes betting for CGs is a fix and a vicious,secretive, self destructive one at that.

My life is really very different from a year ago, my recovery journey does really gift me every day, I have money for food, essential bills, I have money for extras, we are going on holiday 2 weeks this weekend, ( that would have been totally impossible if I was still gambling) I have a life again( be it not normal lol, but what is normal)

Most of all I am not lying to anyone anymore, I am not stressed about phone calls, post, or emails, yes I do still wake up ( but less often) panicking and feeling like I have done something awful, (but I did I let gambling take over my life) and I still don't know why, lol.

Yes I still have the dreams ( less often now) and like Juunniee I occasionally wake up with Mr bloody gamble smiling down at me.

But it is less often, less intense, but I am fully aware this can change at any time, so I will continue as always keep one step ahead,

Guard tightly up(that's automatic now lol) and keep doing one day at a time, because that really is all I need to do to keep winning in every way.

I am living along side with it and that's ok.

To sum my year up I guess I have come a very long way moving OAU ohh HD indeed, just have to keep going and making sure it turns out nice every day and it will as long as I abstain and maintain

Suzanne xx

A lovely 'summing up' of your year Suzanne enjoy that V&O..OAU..Ginger x

Hey thanks Ginge,

I will never win the war( but through history no one has lol) but I sure am winning every battle one day at a time .

Take care Ginge xxxx

It's those sodding drawers Blondie...They keep calling me back 😉 @ least I managed to leave 'em in the shop this time else I'd be back there in the morning (probs)!

What a fantastic summary of your year, although you did have me worried when my phone leapt out of my hand & whatever I did caused just the one word to appear on my screen...'P**n' :-0 Oh how I laughed when I realised it was a mis-spell 🙂

Hi Suzanne,

It takes 365 days and a quarter for the earth to make a full orbit around the sun.

Look how well you have spent the last year and be very proud !!

For so many people one year is pretty much the same as all the rest but the last 365 days you have worked your socks off to get to where you are today. You helped me in my early days and you are still helping me along. I often wonder if we played on the same sites in our day? We probably did !!

So glad to get to know you on this forum and following your journey today and always. Best Wishes, Suzy

Well done suzanne, wow a whole year takes some doing for the likes of ourselves. Keep doing what youre doing 🙂

Mark

Morning Suzanne.
Smashed that year now and well on your way to the second year.
Have a great gamble free dry day!
Steve xxx

Well done Suzanne, continue taking small steps one day at a time & you'll have a wonderful GF life xx

Thanks Suzy, Mark and Mo, for your lovely words xxx

Good morning diary,

Very pleased to announce 366 days today.

To be honest I am glad yesterday has now gone and out the way lol,

No thoughts at all to gamble yesterday but wanted the day out of the way.

I want to thank everyone who commented yesterday, it was very much appreciated and does mean a lot to me.

Weather is wet and miserable here today, but hey my choice is already made today, abstaining and maintaining one day at a time.

Wishing everyone a strong,calm and determined gambling free day.

Suzanne xx