Life is looking up.

Hi all.

It's been a very, very long time since my last post on here so I thought I may as well start a new thread and let you all know how things have been going over the last few months since I last posted.

First off, I hit 10 months of non gambling 3 days ago. Another big milestone and that year is edging ever closer. I've not found myself getting any urges to gamble during my time but that may well be down to the literal hatred I have since developed for it. I cannot stand seeing adverts on the TV, hearing them on the radio (on the rare occasion I actually listen to the radio) and seeing them all over social media. I hate everything about it and the thought of ever going back makes me feel ill.

Since my last post I've completed a set of sessions with a 1 to 1 supporter from Aquarius and also completed a programme of peer support emails. I found both extremely helpful and I'm thankful that Gamcare were able to provide me with that service. I've been referred to, and started a programme with, Epic Restart. I have face to face calls with a coach over teams and they support me in my continued recovery.

My home life is as good as it's ever been, which is something I never though possible 10 months ago when I came clean about my addiction. My wife threatened me with divorce and the lot. I think the fact she can see I'm trying everything I can to beat this addiction helps but the fact we talk more than we ever used to is also having a positive impact on us both.

My job is starting to get to me, however. I've been pushing, hard, for a promotion for the last couple of years and I was recently told that I would not be getting said promotion any time soon. I won't lie, it absolutely shattered morale. Made me wonder why I'm even bothering but, it's a job that's reasonably well paid and I have consistent hours. However I have been eyeing up a new career move.

Now most people go through life never knowing what they want to do as a career and I was very much the same. Yet about 10 years ago I decided that what I really wanted to do was become a detective in the Police. Unfortunately, that's when my gambling started to get it's filthy claws into me and, when I was in the throes of my addiction, I'd convinced myself I was worthless and that I didn't amount to anything. There was no point trying anything else because it wouldn't come to anything. I was here to gamble and that was it. Once I began my journey to recovery I decided that, now, I was too old to do my dream job and I should forget about it.

2 weeks ago, I went on a residential weekend with Epic Restart. I had an absolutely amazing time. Met like minded people and got to chat about my problems with people who didn't judge because they also had the same problems and knew how I felt. It was refreshing. Anyway, whilst we were there, we did a lot of work on self care, motivation and helping ourselves get stronger mentally to cope. I found it really helpful.

I'm nearly at the end of this ramble now, I promise. Anyway, once I got back home and had a think about things and one of the things I decided was that I was being ridiculous regarding being too old for my dream vocation. So I'm 42, so what? That shouldn't stop me so, tonight, I took the first steps to trying to get my dream career by starting to fill out an application form to join the Police Detective programme with a local force. After all, what's the worst that can happen? They say no? If so, then so be it but at least I can say I tried.

If you've stuck with this until the end then I thank you and, as always, appreciate the support.

Keep going everyone, we've got this. 💪🏾💪🏾