Life or Misery; that's the choice

Sorry to see you back under these circumstances, but good to know that you have the will to take aim and fire on.

As you will see I am still doing fine, but dont forget that part of my success is down to your enthusiasm and support.

Whatever happens i will always feel indebted to you.

Keep low key it thats to be your style this time around...but keep communicating.

There is plenty goodwill and experience out there to guide you to your goal 133 days from now !

Sbb

Hi Mixer

Welcome back and I'm glad you are returning with a commitment to change.

I think you're previous, excuberant positivity helped others. But just trying to be extremely positive doesn't do the job. I know that's a tough one to take - in a sense it seems unfair that the huge energy you invest doesn't bring a return.

A few decades ago there was a lot of quack-ery around how 'positive thinking' will solve any problem. It's subsequently transpired that the people promoting this were simple charlatons. You can't be positive all the time. That's not how humans work. In the same way you cant be happy all the time. You certainly can't think your way to hapiness (you can't control your thoughts for starters - they just arise in your consciousness). You need to make actual changes to bring about improvements in your life - and these changes should bring about hapiness.

Don't get me wrong - being positive is good and I certainly do hope you stay positive. Also, your positivity was clearly infectious. But commitment to change, counselling, getting outside of your comfort zone is more likely to lead you to actually cracking this. Would you consider any further steps?

Best wishes and keep posting

Louis

Thank you for your comments, here are my considered replies

ODAAT - As always you hit the nail on the head with your straight talking. The reason for my title is part desperation and part kidology on my part. I am so disappointed with my failure, and losing my way, that being GF till Christmas will be a genuine, manageable achievement. But after Christmas I know I have to carry on and double-down my committment. I'm still wallowing, pathetically, in a slight-remorse stage slightly exasperated by my weakness. I have to say it how it is.

And yes - I did let people down. They say the measure of a man (or person) is how you handle the lows of life, as well as the highs. I handled this low (that I won't go into it here, but will at counselling) badly and, as I previously said, dropping everything like a stone was ill-considered, although at the time I was a bit punch-drunk and my mind all over the place. I had a responsibility to do better for everyone who was part of the 100 Day Challenge, I honestly believe that, from a moral and courtesy point of view, and failed. Hard on myself? No, not on this occasion. I would like to apologise to everyone I let down, not just from not continuing the challenge as I should have, but the negativity of my leaving which was, and I see it now, a knock-back for everyone. I cannot over-emphasise this point; I really should have thought this through at the time, looking back I shake my head at my selfish lack of consideration. Certainly a weaker part of my character I must improve.

So where do I go from today? Well, I'm going to grind those days out to Christmas and believe I can do that. (And then - I whisper to myself - onto the next time-point). I will be ever-present on the forums, helping others, as we all do, perhaps more 'low key', without setting up another challenge because people will rightly think: well, it's OK for today, Mixer, but what if you do another midnight flit and leave us in the lurch like last time? It's a good question. Any mitigation on my part? Well, I guess I'm fallable like averybody else - lots of people suddenly 'disappear' from the forums but that's no excuse really. (I'm too old and tired for tinpot excuses.) To me, it boils down to this and this is how I'm going to look at it: Ask me in exactly a year's time on these forums if I mean this. If I reply, Yes, then you know I mean it. If I'm not here, or give a wishy-washy answer, then you can confirm I was a bit of a fraud all along. And I don't want to be a fraud.

Phil - thank you, as always for your defence Phil, it's always appreciated. I'm back at the early stage but, as my previous reincarnation on this forums made clear (somewhat), I can certainly 'give it' and the flip side is I have to, and can 'take it' too. Brutal honesty is good for me personally - at ODAAT is admirally consistent. You're a good friend, Phil.

Alainepo - great to hear from you again and I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm coming back stronger and feel the resolve coming back as I write. I will prove my intent by my words and actions over the coming days, weeks and months, and look forward to catching up with you again.

Rhoda - my goodness we go back a long way and the first thing I'm going to do is look into the SENSE scheme and complete it. Actions. I really look forard to chatting with you again Rhoda, thank you so much for the warm welcome back.

Sbb - thank you for your welcome back. I actually feel I let you down more than most people because we had this almost telepathic philosophical understanding between us of this insidous disease and I broke the bond. I will try not to do it again, time will tell if I have what it takes this time. You remain GF Sbb, what can I say; does a compliment from me matter any more. It brings my failure, my 'white flag' into sharp focus. I say this not from self-pity; I need to earn your respect again and I'll quietly re-prove my colours, Sbb.

Cardhue - thank you for your post, and I spent time considering your thoughts on positive thinking, which, as you rightly say, is, by itself, not the panacea. Reading all the self-books can be useful but, as we all know, it's just one part of the jigsaw, the pieces need to be put in place to produce the full picture. It's interesting you mention getting outside the comfort zone - I'm taking on a Signing (sign language, Level 1) course from September and that's every week for 9 months. A good social skill to have and that will benefit my interaction with a family member and certain work colleagues. Something different.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I'm aware that this post has been a bit "me" centric but I felt I owed a response given my disappearance in context of leaving the 100 Day Challenge and also to update you generally. I will certainly switch the 'lamp around' and catch up with how you're all doing because that's part of it as we all know; sharing experiences and helping each other.

Right. I think I've done enough introspection for one day (year!). It's good to be back (but I should never have left). As the saying goes: I start from here. But will learn, as we all do on this pebble-strewn path of life, lessons from the past.

Do I feel better after writing this? Not really. I feel a little humbled how I've been welcomed back, what it says about you (wonderful), and what it says about me (not a lot). I won't let you - and me - down this time.

What happened, happened. You've come back to the forum and been very honest about your life over the last few months.

This is your diary so you are entitled to be "me" centric - it's your personal space. I removed my post from last night as I couldn't see the point on somebody else's diary but ultimately you have my 100 per cent support and I look forward to reading about your progress.

Best wishes as always, Phil.

You don't need to apologise for your posts being centred around you., that's the whole idea.
I wasn't part of your challenge but I kind of was in my own way.
I can see why you think you may have let people down, but also, and more importantly, you showed a lot of people what they personally could achieve by doing the right things.
It was brave of you to come back mate and I wish you all the best, as do many many others.

My dear friend, I am so glad you are back. I was awful worried for you and could sense when you left you were in a bad place. I have also wasted a year battling. Let's as before start again together. Christmas seems like a perfect goal.

A hearty welcome back Mixer.

Hi Mixer !

I mirror all the other post in welcoming you back " It's good to see your footsteps around the forum again "

All the best my friend :))

Thnak you everyone for your kind comments; I've replied to you personally and if I haven't I will do soon.

Today, I've applied for more counselling and undergone an assessment. They have insisted I speak to a doctor first before my first appointment because of the answers I've given. I've given the counselling provider that assurance and am now going to book a doctors appointment. I won't go into details but, like so many of us, gambling has driven me into a very dark place at times, despite my apparantly sunny countenance.

I've also phoned the bookies exclusion service on 0800 294 2060 and specified the bookies I want to be banned from. They suggest anywhere within a 2 mile radius of where you live, but you can add other bookies from anywhere. It actually includes arcades that have a bookies attached (some do) which is useful, because I'm banned from those arcades by association.

I need to provide (e-mail back) a photo of my passport or driving licence plus a photo, these are circulated to the premises. I must agree not to go in any of the bookies for one year, and staff will immediately ask me to leave if I do.

It's easy to do, I just take a picture of my passport page with my photo on it, and take a photo, on my smartphone and e-mail it back.

The whole process took around 20 minutes; it was very efficient and very civil and I recommend it.

My next job is to self-exclude from the last remaining casino I'm allowed in, going to Google SENSE and take it from there.

So that's two main practical steps I've taken. 1. Restrict my money supply; my wife controls all of my spending to the last penny and 2, Remove places I can gamble. I've already excluded myself from all on-line gambling.

Some of the reasons I failed before were because I always seemed to leave myself some 'outs', things I let myself do. One of those was Quiz Machines in pubs; I didn't count those as gambling. But now I do, and won't go on them at all.

Another thing is the office lottery which is £2 a month. I know some on here will disagree but I look at it as 'insurance' rather than gambling so will continue this (I know, I know, but I would be mightily peed off if it came in and I was the only non-winner on the team...)

Anyway just some rambling thoughts that help me mark my (relative) progress and might help others considering similar steps.

Sounds like a very productive morning and some very positive decisions made. Best wishes, Phil

Thanks Phil. I've come to realise that, despite appearances, my last 'attempt' to stop was actually fairly half-hearted; whilst I ticked some of the boxes, I left gaping holes in my strategy and that has really come back to bite me. In short, I lost my way. This time, absolutely no gaps, no holes. And no delay.

I think your honesty has been inspiring. A lot of people were gutted when you left and as I'm sure you've realised are delighted you've come back and - been as open as you have. You had and have lots to offer.

Best wishes, Phil.

Thought I was dreaming when I saw Mixer's name reappear on the forum the other day!

Good and bad to have you back Mixer. I hope things go the right way for you this time.

Right behind you as I am still going strong following your amazing support at the beginning of the year.

Take care and do not be hard on yourself my friend.

Markman

Markman - thank you so much for your post and I'm delighted your GF days have extended well into the double-hundreds. You, and other hardy souls like you, are my inspiration now. I'm right at the start of the journey but I'm coming back three times stronger. In fact I've just sent off photos to [email protected] to ban myself from every bookies in sight. Thank you so much for your welcoming return.

ALAN135 - it's great to be "treading the boards" again, and thank you too for the welcome back. Looking forward to catching up!

Sech7 - I've really enjoyed chatting along with you on the chat here - a few genuine "lol"s already I have to say! Again, thank you for the welcome back.

I've a lot to make back, but having made my genuine and heartfelt 'mea calpa', I'm returning wiser, calmer, and hopefully a better person.

Thanks for that Mixer . A real tonic to see your positive approach to recovery .....stephen