Life or Misery; that's the choice

Hi Everyone,

That's a magnificant call to arms, Athena. Delighted you have decided to go GF today. That puts a spring in my step, because I think of us all as a team motivating and encouraging each other to choose the right path today - a path that will be more happy, rather than guaranteed more misery.

I've been thinking of a GF 'scale' to mark where we are in our journeys; I'd be interested to know what you and everyone thinks...

1-30 Days GF - NEWBEE - Taking those first steps to choose a better life. In the foothills of the mountain, Newbees are determined to find the pathway up. This means putting into place practical measures to stop and resolving to stop, and measures to help keep theat resolve: these include Gamcare forums, chat and netline; counselling; discussing with trusting and understanding loved ones and friends, including divulging the extent of the problem if that's the best thing to do. If a newbie has previously lapsed then they always come back stronger next time. A newbee has one objective: to prove they can remain GF whatever initial temptations come their way and to become a Striver. Newbees want to live a better life and we all cheer them on!

30-99 - STRIVER - Strivers mean business and are steadfastly climbing up the mountain. During this key period, Strivers will have dealt with any manner of tempations and shored up any weaknesses in strategy that could lead to that catastrophic relapse. Strivers have made their mark, have made their point and we all urge them up to the next level. Strivers need our full support; they are at a critical stage and we want them to be an Elder. Strivers are getting a taste of a better life and want more of it; we want them to succeeed too!

100-299 - ELDER - Like the 'elders in the village', Elders have earned our fullest respect because they have reached the upper reaches of the mountain but always realise and NEVER forget that to stay there requires day-to-day attention; the battle is never won and one wrong move can make you fall of that mountain. Elders realise it is a very long and deadly drop and are still going all out to stay and enjoy life, day by day, and the extra joy and happiness a GF life brings. Elders are always happy to share their experiences and are patient for the day they become a Guru. Elders live a good life and we are happy for them!

300 days plus - GURU - Atop the mountain, Gurus, like Elders, deserve our utmost respect. Gurus have extra insight into what it takes to stop for a long period and are more than happy to share their advice and experiences. Like Elders, Gurus never forget that one wrong move can lead to disaster and therefore have a very solid, proven plan to make sure that it doesn't happen. That said, Gurus NEVER forget that the journey is always day to day, and continue to highly respect what's required to be GF. Gurus live the best life of all. We ALL want to be a Guru.

What do you think of the scale? I'm a Newbee, and going all out to be a Striver.

An enjoyable GF Sunday, everyone.

Love that Mixer.

I'm with you in the Newbee bracket at the moment but I will be a Guru, just because I want to and it sounds cool lol. We'll all get there buddy, one glorious GF day at a time.

Wishing you all a gamble free day today, friends!

Love that scale Mixer. Very apt.

Got a busy few days coming up so I'll try to get on here as much as possible.

I won't be destructively throwing my hard earned money into any FOBT's though, that's for sure!

Treated myself to a take away and a bottle of wine last night.

Sounds so simple, but I would always base those treats on whether or not I'd had a good/bad day gambling. Not anymore!!!

I much prefer a relaxing night in without the stress/worry of wondering whether a big bet of mine will pay off.

Happy days!

Wishing you a good Sunday.

Moorey.

Well I guess like me Ijust fit under the new be bracket and hope on many more of these to come

Delighted to see you all, Moorey, Christer, Dholla, Athena all on the GF road this weekend. I've been GF too 🙂

We've set ourselves up for a GF week ahead that starts tomorrow; let's keep focus and do what we're doing best - enjoying and making the best out of life. Whose going to be our first 'Striver...' ?

All the best everyone.

Mixer

Hi,

So sorry to hear about your relapse. Do you know what triggered it? I am day 4 GF and I am so worried about pay day (25th August) weekend as well, I'll be having all the thoughts about 'deserving a gamble after a long month/week at work'.

I relapsed with my smoking this weekend! Totally gutted as hadnt smoked since 31st July! Im sure my brain is desperate for one addiction that will ruin my life (or health). oh well Monday tomorrow...fresh start and all.

Seeing my daughter turned out in all her new pony riding gear at a show today made me proud (bought it all with money id daved from not smoking, but would have been gone if I was gambling still).

I am still thinking of gambling all the time. But then when I actually give it more thought I feel disgusted and anxious.

Working on my 'gambling laptop' tonight and it feels so weird to see my work on it rather than the slots.

Also had a horrifying moment when my 7 year old daughter showed me a youtube advert for a popluar slot site and said ... 'look mum these are the games you are always playing when I go to bed...can I play one?' Shame went through me like a lightening bolt!

Sorry to use your post like my own vent but...needed it and know that you will get it!

Hi Mixer, glad to see you back on the forum and active again. Can I just ask about the office lottery, are you still doing it? Fair play for your honesty in admitting it. For me and most others it falls under the 'gambling' category. I too was in the office lottery and for a brief moment thought about staying in it but then I thought "hold on here, what if we win?" As in if we managed to win £500 each or something - I think we all know what would have happened to the money! It's the addiction telling you it's ok to keep hold of that one thing, justifying it by calling it insurance or whatever.

Better to cut all ties with anything gambling related whether it's lottery, office sweepstake, £1 on a game of pool etc. That way the door is fully closed and there are no grey areas. Just my opinion of course but it works for me and many others I know. Only offering advice but at the end of the day it's your life, your choice, your journey.

All the best

Xenedra - thank you for your kind words. You asked what triggered my relapse; it was an event (that I won't go into) that knocked me sideways and, as a consequence, started gambling again (was it an excuse...?). I thought I could manage 'moderate' gambling, but, after one binge too many have said: Enough is Enough. So I'm back, with brand-new bookie and casino bans; something I didn't quite "get around to" before.

I'm sorry to hear you've relapsed on the smoking ... but keep trying 🙂 . In my opinion, and I know smoking's bad for you, it's staying gambling-free that should be your main priority (others may disagree). I honestly believe that by staying GF everything else will fall into place. You'll feel happy and more relaxed stopping the ol' weed. Your daughter has reminded you of your priorities: your family. And this should help galvanise you for the critical time ahead - payday.

There are lots of things you can do to help yourself (take deep breath ...!) - passing financial control to someone trusted, cutting your bank card in two (really! interesting to work out how you'll cope .. but you will!), put a 'lump' of money down on a major purchase, or deposit for a holiday (your family will thank you!!!).

Just promise you'll grit your teeth and do your utmost to stay GF. Keep writing, keep posting - we're with you and will keep you focused 🙂

And vent away, no problem 🙂 it's never a problem with me, and if it helps you, all the better Xenedra!

Sam - thank you for your thoughtful post which I've given some thought and here's my answer. Whilst I've been honest with my nearest and dearest (to a reasonable enough degree....), no-one at work knows about my gambling, and it's absolutely imperative for me it stays that way. If I leave the syndicate, people will wonder why and I'm not ready to do that right now (we've been in it for 15 years). Further, I really haven't every considered it gambling - the lottery doesn't press any buttons for me. Therefore, I'm going to continue for now, but I absolute take all the points you raise - certainly, GA makes clear that ALL forms of gambling should be avoided - it's back and white. But, ultimately, it is, of course, a personal choice but I will always continue to review this decision. I very much appreciate your views about this Sam.

I am making firm plans! I fear anything that may have me running back to the the machines!

Well done for coming out and talking about the relapse, part of he horror of this addiction is that we can keep it so so hidden.

Tbh I am staying in our syndicate at work (again £1 per week) as I like you say Mixer lottery is not a pull for me and again everyone plays in work and there is no way I would want to explain that one!!!

Each different though and I don't understand complete abstinence!

Should of course said that I DO understand abstinence!! Sorry!!

Hi Xenedra - delighted you're making plans for the challenging days ahead. Always remember the 5 P's : Perfect Planning Prevents P*sspoor Performance!
I sense you are ready this time: the gambling devil is NOT going to ambush you.

YOU are ready and WE are ready in the wings to support you. This time, you are going to be GF 🙂

YES WE CAN

Once again I have failed myself as last night I relapsed and failed I have blocks on all local bookies but problem is every week they open a new online one so like a mug I joined one I rolled over they're 7 required even bets got upto 400 pound tried withdrawing and like they do they required a passport pic blus everything under the sun for me to withdraw it so obviously while the money was still in my account and I lost it all self excluded from that one and here I am with that horrible feeling of I've done it all again

Hi Christer1

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had a relpase and are sadly paying the price.

Here's what I suggest you do which is to double-down on your efforts to reduce the likelihood of you relapsing again.

It's clear that, although banned from local bookies (good) there is still a weakness with on-line casinos. What I suggest is you buy blocking software and apply it to all devices you own; details are available via this website (you can always phone Gamcare to get the latest recommendations).

You can pass your bankcard to a trusted relative; that'll stop you in your tracks!

What I'm saying, as you can tell, is to 'push the envelope' and further limit, physically, the outlets and means to gamble.

When you've done that, then ring the bookie ban line again and add further bookies. You know the ones, the ones that aren't local but you could reach if you felt so compelled...

In other words, out-fox the very cunning gambling brain that you have sadly been given. You and me both Christer; every week I have to 'top up' the non-gambling side of my brain. It's what we have to do.

Good luck! Time to get back on your horse and get GF again, extra resolved.

Mixer

Thank u mixer I guess I never lost much but it's the fact I shown that weekness alot of sites say those blocking apps are bad for you phone I will try thankyou