Life With Sports Bets Only

Hello Captain, 

I hope your Saturday is going ok. It’s pretty cold out there today. Not that I’ve been far…. We sorted out our freezer today and have thrown away some fish that’s been in there around 8 months. So I popped over to a nearby park and put it in one of their bins. Came home very quickly though as was freezing. Who’d know we were in April? 

I am able to talk to certain people about my situation. And yes, it’s very easy to talk on here. But Id hate the thought that someone I knew was reading it all. 

We’re going out this evening. So haven’t got to worry about finding something to watch on tv! We’re going to pop in and see my parents briefly beforehand. OH is rather busy atm and has something coming up next week he has to prepare for. ?

I still haven’t gambled online, ???that will continue. How have your recent blips affected you? Not easy is it? 

I read something on another site earlier. It was “we are not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for our recovery”. 

Have a good weekend Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi again Captain,

 I wanted to reply to your last message while it’s all fresh in my head ?

Admittedly there will be exceptions, people who cannot put every block possible into place. People, like yourself, who don’t have a significant other, or very close friend who can look after their cash. But many do and choose not to. No one can argue how difficult it is. Most CG know of the beast that pops into your head. But we have to take responsibility. No one can do it for us. We have to work with all the info and advice that Gamcare and suchlike offer. If you really want to give up and stop you can and will. That’s not to say you won’t have relapses along the way. And again, it’s really, really tough. Many do it, many don’t. What are the differences between those that stop and those that don’t? I don’t think what a person gambles on is relevant. I believe it just boils down to the individual and their personality. Of course for some other factors will come into play. As we’ve discussed previously, with yourself, spending many, many years frequenting betting shops becomes a way of life. A way of life that you have found hard to change. And I can totally understand how after a stressful day (previously) you couldn’t wait to get in there and *unwind*. 

I have made a friend at bingo, she’s a lovely girl. But, over the last couple of years she’s developed a bad gambling problem. I’ve tried talking to her. Made suggestions. But I know that she’ll only sort herself out when/if SHE’S ready. It’s very sad to see. But her life has changed dramatically because of  her husband’s illness, and gambling is her escapism. ☹️

Sweet dreams Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I reply to one of the shortest messages I’ve received from you ☹️ I think that tells me where you’re at today ☹️

You’ve made a very valid point re *wanting* to stop gambling. I’m with you, I don’t truly want to. Or, where you were maybe a good few years ago. As you know I’m fortunate in that I haven’t done much damage. But I know how easily that could change, and that is what I fear. And I guess that’s why myself and many others don’t succeed, or don’t succeed straight away. Or why many have to reach rock bottom before they quit for good. 

I worry for my friend. She’s on a very slippery slope. And no matter what I say I know it won’t change a thing. I can but try. 

I’m sorry to hear you’re still thinking along the “what could have been” road. It must be very difficult. I hope you soon start to feel better ? 

Hugs,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. And glad you appear to have a plan in place. I hope *The Spark* helps you. I was happy to sense some positivity in your post ? of course, keep me updated ?

How is the work situation? Sorry, I can’t remember how many days you have to go into the office now? 

Another weekend over. I feel like I’ve blinked and missed it! 

I had a couple of little online blips early last week. So I put a few extra blocks in place to try to stop it happening again. I think with me it’s when I’m bored. Then I get to thinking, then I get to more thinking. Then my brain starts making a plan. My Gamstop comes to an end mid 2023. This fact has spent a lot of time in my thoughts. The sensible me is saying sign up for another 5 years. The addicted side of me is telling me to see how it goes - and we all know what that means don’t we? 

Easter weekend next weekend - long weekend! We don’t have any plans, apart from looking after our Grandson on Friday night. Giving Mummy and Daddy a break. 

Do you still go out running? 

We started watching Deadline a few nights ago (I might have mentioned it in my previous post) it was ok…. But so many start like that and end badly. So not holding my breath. 

Take care,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. And glad you appear to have a plan in place. I hope *The Spark* helps you. I was happy to sense some positivity in your post ? of course, keep me updated ?

How is the work situation? Sorry, I can’t remember how many days you have to go into the office now? 

Another weekend over. I feel like I’ve blinked and missed it! 

I had a couple of little online blips early last week. So I put a few extra blocks in place to try to stop it happening again. I think with me it’s when I’m bored. Then I get to thinking, then I get to more thinking. Then my brain starts making a plan. My Gamstop comes to an end mid 2023. This fact has spent a lot of time in my thoughts. The sensible me is saying sign up for another 5 years. The addicted side of me is telling me to see how it goes - and we all know what that means don’t we? 

Easter weekend next weekend - long weekend! We don’t have any plans, apart from looking after our Grandson on Friday night. Giving Mummy and Daddy a break. 

Do you still go out running? 

We started watching Deadline a few nights ago (I might have mentioned it in my previous post) it was ok…. But so many start like that and end badly. So not holding my breath. 

Take care,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, not sure what happened re the double up! When I clicked “add reply” a wheel kept turning. Not sure if it was an issue with the site, or if the issue was with me ?I guess the issue must have been with the site, because by midnight I was snoring ????

Flat, yes, flat. I’ve been extremely flat today. I don’t know why. Well actually maybe I do. At the weekend we went *shopping*. I spent quite a bit. More than I should have. I think part of me thought if I went online I could *recoup*…. so, I spent hours today looking for an online site that has a particular game I play, that my OH isn’t self excluded from. A bit of useless knowledge for you here, I only play two or three games online. I have no desire to play any other games. It’s like, they are the ones that have hooked me in (with possibly big wins) but I wouldn’t want to just join OH up to any old site. But I’d join him to any site (no matter how dodgy, if I could play “my game”) It’s all nonsense really. It makes no difference. Needless to say I couldn’t find one, so I live to fight another day. Deep sigh..

I agree with you in that, there are plenty of things for one to do to relieve boredom. Yes, it’s the buzz. I really don’t feel there’s something missing. My thoughts are that a person could just be normal and “gets off” on normal life. Cooking, loving, watching tv, eating out etc, all normal pastime’s. Then one night they have a flutter, either online or at the casino. They win big. They have a fantastic evening. They are on such a high. A few nights/days later, they think back to their great experience and think they may try it again. This cycle carries on and without realising the person (because unknowingly they are a CG) develops an addiction. After gambling for a year the person tries to stop, with difficulty. Because nothing else in life gives them the same fix/buzz that gambling does. When gambling has been setting off those excitement rushes to the brain, how can anything else suddenly give you the same rush if excitement? This person didn’t turn to gambling because something was missing from their life. Maybe if they had more excitement in their life they’d find it easier to stop. Who knows Captain, just another perspective. 

We watched the second episode of Deadline tonight, it was ok. But I’ve spoken to two people who have watched all episodes and they both thought - yep you’ve guessed it, rubbish ending ?

Glad to hear you’re still running and going to the gym. You hadn’t mentioned it for a while. 

I’ve got my parents coming over tomorrow. Dad still isn’t great. His wound still won’t heal. I don’t think the surgeon knows why. He did mention something about over granulation, which I looked up on google (as you do) and there were some similarities. But he’s still in some pain. God willing it’s not anything too serious, but I guess because there is such a backlog with ops and stuff, Dad is not a priority. I just wish it would heal. Anyway, they’re coming for dinner and I’ll make them a cake. ?

Night night,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Always a pleasure to read your messages. I bring my iPad to bed every night, along with my phone. I generally log into Gamcare to see if you’ve messaged me. If I’m not too tired, and it’s not too late, I respond. 

I didn’t mean to be defensive about there not being a reason why some/I have a gambling problem. I may well have an issue, but I just don’t know what it is. I do think LOTS who do develop problems with gambling will have something missing from their lives, just not ALL. 

I talk to my Mum a fair bit about gambling and gambling addiction. It bores her a bit, because she’s heard quite a lot over the years. One thing I always try to tell her (when in the past she has tried to tell me to think - there are much better ways to spend my money) is that as gamblers we never remember the bad times. That feeling of exhaustion, the desperation, the sadness, the emptiness. Time always heals for a gambler, and before we know it, we are seeking our fix yet again. For you to be remembering the bad times is a good thing. Long may that continue. And I hope aids your recovery. 

We had a nice afternoon/evening with my parents today. I think they enjoyed it. They don’t really go out very much, partly because of the high covid cases and partly because that’s the routine they’ve got into. Have you visited your Mum recently? 

We have one episode of Deadline left. Ooooooo I just remembered, something started tonight on channel 5 (I think) it’s called Compulsion, and it’s about a paramedic who is suffering depression and starts gambling. No doubt we’ll both be able to relate to some of it. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

Tizzy not happy. Tizzy been naughty. I’m trying to make light of it, but deep down I feel rubbish. Not only have I relapsed twice at bingo, but tonight I had a big relapse online. Trying to recoup. It’s at the part in the cycle where *I’m never gambling again* if I don’t want the cycle to continue I need to take more control in my actions, I know that. 

Yes, I am extremely close to my Mum and tell her almost everything. The only bits I don’t tell her are to do with gambling. She knows I have a gambling problem. She knows I go to bingo and sometimes go shopping. She doesn’t agree, but she knows she can’t do anything to stop me. She thinks I haven’t gambled online for probably 8 months. She listens to me when I talk about it. Sometimes it makes me feel better to talk about it, to try and explain to her how a CG can go to such extremes to get money to get their buzz. She sometimes yawns while I’m talking ? she’s fed up hearing about it tbh. She doesn’t understand, how can she? And she’s definitely called me exactly the same names, and said the same things that your family said to you. It’s their ignorance Captain, luckily for them. Don’t we wish we were ignorant when it comes to gambling ☹️

So tomorrow I’m going to turn a new leaf. I am going to take control. I have a lot less money coming in a month now. OH has basically written off my debt, but, I have to transfer almost two thirds of my wages a month to him. I had a little stash, I always knew when it dried up I’d come to the end of possibilities to gamble. 

You talked about your spark, and that you cannot talk about it here. Is that because it’s something like my shopping trips, or have I completely misunderstood? Or can you not mention because of recognition? 

So yes, Good Friday tomorrow. I hope you find things to fill your days. It’s hard Captain, I understand. We have no plans - well nothing different because it’s a BH weekend. I just know I’m going to wake up feeling really fed up. 

A friend messaged me tonight to tell me about the friend that’s developed a gambling problem. She was at bingo tonight, had a really bad night. All stressed out, left in tears. She is spending far more than she has. Something will happen eventually ? s**t will hit the fan. It always will if we don’t change our path…

Sweet dreams,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I didn’t sleep well last night. But fortunately today hasn’t been too bad. It’s weird, before when I had a big loss I’d be depressed I had no more ammunition. Today it’s not been about that. More annoyed at losing what I have. Angry with myself. As I type now the thought of not going shopping *ever again* really saddens me. Makes me feel anxious. But I guess the answer is not thinking beyond a day. And to avoid thinking about it in that way. 

How do I feel about OH writing off my dept? I feel relieved. I feel it’s not hanging over my shoulders. I don’t feel shame, is that bad? I don’t even feel guilty. We’re not loaded by any means, we’re married so any debts I have are his debts too. As you know, I’ve forgiven him for some misdemeanours over the years. It won’t have any impact on his/our lives. On saying that, I am really appreciative that he has done it for me. 

I can see why you weren’t impressed with Deadline, I found it ok. We’re going to start Compulsion tonight. Our little Grandson is fast asleep, he’s been a little angel. It won’t be a late one for me tonight as no doubt I’ll be woken up around 6am ???

I hope your Good Friday hasn’t been too bad. It’s been a glorious day, although I know that doesn’t impress you ?

I agree we should try and think up something special/different we could do for our June Anniversary ?

Tizzy xxx

Good Morning Captain,

A very happy Easter to you my friend. 

It’s really good to hear you ventured out yesterday, I hope it felt good. How did you feel as you walked past (and looked in) the bookies? There’ll always be some poor soul who’s either, as you say lost a packet, or almost hit the jackpot. They don’t always lash out, but as a fellow gambler, I’m sure like you, you can look into someone’s eyes and know they’re losing quite bad. When I’ve been in this situation P, I’ve tried to cover it up, cover up my feelings of just wanting to burst into tears, my disappointment. 

Getting back to the shame and guilt of gambling. I can’t remember your exact words, but it was something like you let yourself down re the money you accepted. You’ve said it had no impact on their life. When we gamble another side comes out in us. I’m quite a logical person. I worry at times, many of us do, but I try to be logical. I’m careful with money, although admittedly I like to treat myself, or get OH to treat me. When we gamble we become another person, that compulsive gambler that is within us. It only rears it’s ugly head when we gamble. Now I realise we have to take responsibility for our actions and for placing either that first bet, or the first note inserted into a fruit machine. But how many times have you thought you’d just have a “little go”, I must have said that a thousand times. Once we start to lose and we begin *the chase* we become that other person. Key is doing what you’re doing. And I guess the best possible way you could repay the generous soul that helped you out, would be by continuing your road to recovery. Out of interest do you still keep in contact with this person? 

We are going to my daughters this afternoon. She is doing a mini Easter egg hunt for my Grandson. We’ll have a cuppa and a chat and a laugh no doubt. We will go to bingo this evening. As I’ve said before, there is someone there who I care about enough to not get tempted into playing the machines. When I have in the past, it’s because I’ve either gone when they’re not there, or I’ve ventured someone else. 

We have watched the first episode of The Split and thought it was very good. Last night we watched number 2 of Compulsion. That’s not bad. 

Have a good day Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I hope the weekend has been ok for you. Back to work tomorrow ?

The person/people that bailed you out, are they friends or family? Are you able to elaborate about how they came to your rescue? Purely interested. If you can’t tell the whole story, maybe you could change a few bits just to give me the gist. I would suggest if ever you are in the situation where you could help someone out, financially, or in some other way maybe that would continue their very kind gesture and possibly make you feel better. I understand you don’t feel you deserve to, but I do feel you are very hard on yourself and that’s only something you can change. 

We haven’t done a lot today. I was very very tempted to go shopping. But instead we took our little dog for a walk by some lakes and took a sandwich. The queue to get a coffee was massive. So we waited until we got home and both ate a whole Easter egg with a cuppa - how bad is that? Not something I do often I can assure you!

We watched the conclusion of Compulsion. We both thought it wasn’t bad. No, it didn’t go into too much detail about the issues of gambling, but was an ok watch. Better than some of late!

We’re thinking of watching a series on Netflix next. We still have The Split to watch. I’m not sure about The Canoe Man, after seeing a clip, I’m not really sure I’ll like it. It looks a bit silly. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I’m glad your weekend was better than expected and that today wasn’t too bad either. And the bonus of a short week this week. We have a big event coming up, there’s loads I’d like to be able to share. Then we’re going away for a few days - the place we go quite often to visit family. 

Thank you for sharing the info re the family members who helped you. I do understand that it will always be a cloud for you. But as a fellow CG, you really weren’t yourself. It’s not an excuse. It’s the beast within (as you often put it) I firmly believe I am relatively sensitive. I also believe we all have two sides to us. When we gamble we become the worse possible example of ourselves. We change to the point we become unrecognisable as the people we really are. I assume you’re a proud man and that’s why doing what you did affects you the way it did. Please try and forgive yourself. ❤️
No one (unless a gambler) could ever possibly understand the way gambling affects us. How so many people struggle to stop. How addictive it really is. How it affects our brains. It’s extremely sad. 

Anyway, moving on…. We’ve now watched 3 episodes of The Split. When I’ve watched the previous series (1 & 2) I don’t remember thinking how good it was. So either it’s improved, or other dramas have deteriorated ?I think it’s probably the latter ?

I hope the week continues to be ok for you,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Not heard from you in a couple of days, hope you’re ok. 

I wanted to check in also, because I probably won’t have the opportunity again until early next week. 

We’re out tomorrow and staying in a hotel. Then Saturday travelling up North. That will at least keep my mind occupied. 

Am really loving this last series of The Split, best thing we’ve watched recently without a shadow of a doubt! 

Will message when I can. You take care.

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Sorry I’ve not been able to message over the last few days. 

We’ve been away, returning home tomorrow. It’s been ok. Nothing great. I think my Dads situation is getting me down. I try not to worry, but easier said than done. I’m not going to go on about it, but you’re aware of the ongoing situation. It’s also time for scans and blood tests (which they do every 6 months to ensure nothings returned) so feel a bit pap tbh. I try to tell myself not to worry. I have to live my life. I know that sounds really selfish. Anyway…..

I hope work has quietened down a little for you. At least you’ll have an extra day to recoup this weekend - but only one day, so hopefully not enough to worry you about how to spend the time. 

Sorry to hear “the spark” is not working as yet. It’s hard Captain isn’t it. I think with me feeling low, gambling is/has been something I turn to. It enables me to switch off from the worries and woes…. obviously they soon return when I run out of ammunition! 

I’ll speak more when I get home. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Sorry it’s been a little while. 

Still feeling flat. But do my best to make myself feel ok. If I can make myself feel ok I don’t then worry about “everything” And if I’m not worrying about everything sometimes I can even feel happy. 

OH is outside mowing the lawn. I’m watching the footy scores. I was hoping to go out tonight, but OH doesn’t want to, so I doubt we will. 

What are you doing? Are you watching anything good on the tv atm? I think there are a few dramas starting soon. 

Im still struggling with online gambling. I’m continually trying to find new sites that OH isn’t excluded from. Fortunately I can’t find any. 

Have a good weekend my friend. 

Tizzy xxx