Life With Sports Bets Only

Hello Captain,

Just read the message from SL, really nice. I know how hard it is for you, but I think until you really put the past behind you, you’ll never move forward. Of course if it was that easy, you’d have already done that. The fact is, there will always be people in a much better place than you, and there will always be many, many more worse off. But I know you already know that. I guess it’s about acceptance and possibly forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself and accept that sadly you are a CG. Things could be different for many of us (all on a different scale) and I guess those who have lost the most (thus affecting their lives like yours) find it hardest to move forward. Without sounding patronising, I do wonder if you’d benefit from some sort of counselling. Not necessarily gambling related. I know your self esteem has taken a bashing. And working with the people you do doesn’t help, sadly. 

Good for you on not biting your tongue. Please or offend sometimes things need to be said! 

Is it just one episode of gambling? I wasn’t sure if you were referring to original instance, or it’s happened again. Whatever it is, you know what you have to do - and only you can do that. 

My weekend away was fab. I loved it. Feel quite flat today, but that’s life. We all need something to look forward to don’t we. And when gambling was our “go to” it’s really hard to find stuff to replace it. And of course some days are better/easier than others. 

You haven’t given me your daily rating on the scale recently. I’d be interested to know how you’d rate the day you gambled. 

All the best Captain 

Your BFF Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

As I write to you this evening I’m laying in bed with my fan on, stuffing my face with jellytots! ???? I hope the thought has put a smile on your face, that was the aim ?

I don’t like seeing my friend down. And it’s hard because I don’t feel there’s much I can say that will help. I can only reiterate what I’ve said previously, to be able to move forward you have to accept the past. I only wish I knew the best way for you to go about this. I knew you’d had many counsellors in the past, I thought they were all gambling related. 

With regard to feeling the need to do stuff, just so you appear *normal* in others eyes. Stop right there Captain! You really don’t want to be doing that! You should *try* not to worry how others perceive you - easier said than done I know. You need to try and love yourself a bit more my friend. Again, easier said than done. 

I’m not so sure your enemies will be happy with your recent downfalls. But if they are, it says far more about them, than it does about you my friend. Again, forget them. They aren’t important, you are. And no doubt you have far more friends on here than enemies. With some people it’s either *their way* or the highway…I know you don’t like bad language, but just on this occasion f**k em! This is your journey, your path, your story. 

You know I’m always here for you. 

Sending lots of cyber hugs,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

I hope you’re feeling a little better this evening. This rough time will pass… x

What have I been up to? I had my Grandson today. Atm we are potty training. Over the last few weeks we’ve had lots of accidents (it’s expected) but today was a first, we actually got two number 2’s in the potty. Lots of praise was given, hopefully we’ve reached a turning point ???

There’s lots I’d love to be able to talk about and share with you, but unlike when we first used to chat, now I’m a little paranoid in case someone read my diary and put two and two together. 

Are we able to change our usernames? Do you know if that’s possible? And would it change on previous posts? 

I’ll have a quick look when I finish writing to you. 

I’ve refrained from gambling online. Still going to bingo twice a week. 

Im fed up with what’s on tv of late. Nothing looks of any interest. I watched the final of The Apprentice last week. I quite like Dragons Den, but there’s so much rubbish on, it drives me around the bend. 

It made me smile reading that *my way or the highway* is a phrase you have used too! ?

Sweet dreams Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hello again, 

Tried to change my name, but it still puts my old name below my new name! 

Any ideas? 

Miss Marple ?

Hello Captain, 

I hope your Saturday is going ok. It’s pretty cold out there today. Not that I’ve been far…. We sorted out our freezer today and have thrown away some fish that’s been in there around 8 months. So I popped over to a nearby park and put it in one of their bins. Came home very quickly though as was freezing. Who’d know we were in April? 

I am able to talk to certain people about my situation. And yes, it’s very easy to talk on here. But Id hate the thought that someone I knew was reading it all. 

We’re going out this evening. So haven’t got to worry about finding something to watch on tv! We’re going to pop in and see my parents briefly beforehand. OH is rather busy atm and has something coming up next week he has to prepare for. ?

I still haven’t gambled online, ???that will continue. How have your recent blips affected you? Not easy is it? 

I read something on another site earlier. It was “we are not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for our recovery”. 

Have a good weekend Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi again Captain,

 I wanted to reply to your last message while it’s all fresh in my head ?

Admittedly there will be exceptions, people who cannot put every block possible into place. People, like yourself, who don’t have a significant other, or very close friend who can look after their cash. But many do and choose not to. No one can argue how difficult it is. Most CG know of the beast that pops into your head. But we have to take responsibility. No one can do it for us. We have to work with all the info and advice that Gamcare and suchlike offer. If you really want to give up and stop you can and will. That’s not to say you won’t have relapses along the way. And again, it’s really, really tough. Many do it, many don’t. What are the differences between those that stop and those that don’t? I don’t think what a person gambles on is relevant. I believe it just boils down to the individual and their personality. Of course for some other factors will come into play. As we’ve discussed previously, with yourself, spending many, many years frequenting betting shops becomes a way of life. A way of life that you have found hard to change. And I can totally understand how after a stressful day (previously) you couldn’t wait to get in there and *unwind*. 

I have made a friend at bingo, she’s a lovely girl. But, over the last couple of years she’s developed a bad gambling problem. I’ve tried talking to her. Made suggestions. But I know that she’ll only sort herself out when/if SHE’S ready. It’s very sad to see. But her life has changed dramatically because of  her husband’s illness, and gambling is her escapism. ☹️

Sweet dreams Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I reply to one of the shortest messages I’ve received from you ☹️ I think that tells me where you’re at today ☹️

You’ve made a very valid point re *wanting* to stop gambling. I’m with you, I don’t truly want to. Or, where you were maybe a good few years ago. As you know I’m fortunate in that I haven’t done much damage. But I know how easily that could change, and that is what I fear. And I guess that’s why myself and many others don’t succeed, or don’t succeed straight away. Or why many have to reach rock bottom before they quit for good. 

I worry for my friend. She’s on a very slippery slope. And no matter what I say I know it won’t change a thing. I can but try. 

I’m sorry to hear you’re still thinking along the “what could have been” road. It must be very difficult. I hope you soon start to feel better ? 

Hugs,

Tizzy xxx

Hi

For me having a desire to stop gambling took me along time.

In time I understood that recovery means healing.

Yet I could only get healthy once I admitted to myself I was unhealthy and living in suppressed pains.

Success was about my commitment but also to learn from my own mistakes in the past.

Becoming a healthier person is a healthy change for me.

Measure twice cut once.

When a person is not able to go to meetings or accept help I found it best to let them know when they need it you will go with them to meetings and talks afterwards and be there for them.

How low do you need to go before you are willing to accept help and had enough pain in your life. 

I use to think that money lost was biggest pain I caused myself.

There loads of painful traumatic events in my life that had a devastating emotional effect on my well being.

Long before I started hurting myself in my addictions and obsessions.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. And glad you appear to have a plan in place. I hope *The Spark* helps you. I was happy to sense some positivity in your post ? of course, keep me updated ?

How is the work situation? Sorry, I can’t remember how many days you have to go into the office now? 

Another weekend over. I feel like I’ve blinked and missed it! 

I had a couple of little online blips early last week. So I put a few extra blocks in place to try to stop it happening again. I think with me it’s when I’m bored. Then I get to thinking, then I get to more thinking. Then my brain starts making a plan. My Gamstop comes to an end mid 2023. This fact has spent a lot of time in my thoughts. The sensible me is saying sign up for another 5 years. The addicted side of me is telling me to see how it goes - and we all know what that means don’t we? 

Easter weekend next weekend - long weekend! We don’t have any plans, apart from looking after our Grandson on Friday night. Giving Mummy and Daddy a break. 

Do you still go out running? 

We started watching Deadline a few nights ago (I might have mentioned it in my previous post) it was ok…. But so many start like that and end badly. So not holding my breath. 

Take care,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. And glad you appear to have a plan in place. I hope *The Spark* helps you. I was happy to sense some positivity in your post ? of course, keep me updated ?

How is the work situation? Sorry, I can’t remember how many days you have to go into the office now? 

Another weekend over. I feel like I’ve blinked and missed it! 

I had a couple of little online blips early last week. So I put a few extra blocks in place to try to stop it happening again. I think with me it’s when I’m bored. Then I get to thinking, then I get to more thinking. Then my brain starts making a plan. My Gamstop comes to an end mid 2023. This fact has spent a lot of time in my thoughts. The sensible me is saying sign up for another 5 years. The addicted side of me is telling me to see how it goes - and we all know what that means don’t we? 

Easter weekend next weekend - long weekend! We don’t have any plans, apart from looking after our Grandson on Friday night. Giving Mummy and Daddy a break. 

Do you still go out running? 

We started watching Deadline a few nights ago (I might have mentioned it in my previous post) it was ok…. But so many start like that and end badly. So not holding my breath. 

Take care,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, not sure what happened re the double up! When I clicked “add reply” a wheel kept turning. Not sure if it was an issue with the site, or if the issue was with me ?I guess the issue must have been with the site, because by midnight I was snoring ????

Flat, yes, flat. I’ve been extremely flat today. I don’t know why. Well actually maybe I do. At the weekend we went *shopping*. I spent quite a bit. More than I should have. I think part of me thought if I went online I could *recoup*…. so, I spent hours today looking for an online site that has a particular game I play, that my OH isn’t self excluded from. A bit of useless knowledge for you here, I only play two or three games online. I have no desire to play any other games. It’s like, they are the ones that have hooked me in (with possibly big wins) but I wouldn’t want to just join OH up to any old site. But I’d join him to any site (no matter how dodgy, if I could play “my game”) It’s all nonsense really. It makes no difference. Needless to say I couldn’t find one, so I live to fight another day. Deep sigh..

I agree with you in that, there are plenty of things for one to do to relieve boredom. Yes, it’s the buzz. I really don’t feel there’s something missing. My thoughts are that a person could just be normal and “gets off” on normal life. Cooking, loving, watching tv, eating out etc, all normal pastime’s. Then one night they have a flutter, either online or at the casino. They win big. They have a fantastic evening. They are on such a high. A few nights/days later, they think back to their great experience and think they may try it again. This cycle carries on and without realising the person (because unknowingly they are a CG) develops an addiction. After gambling for a year the person tries to stop, with difficulty. Because nothing else in life gives them the same fix/buzz that gambling does. When gambling has been setting off those excitement rushes to the brain, how can anything else suddenly give you the same rush if excitement? This person didn’t turn to gambling because something was missing from their life. Maybe if they had more excitement in their life they’d find it easier to stop. Who knows Captain, just another perspective. 

We watched the second episode of Deadline tonight, it was ok. But I’ve spoken to two people who have watched all episodes and they both thought - yep you’ve guessed it, rubbish ending ?

Glad to hear you’re still running and going to the gym. You hadn’t mentioned it for a while. 

I’ve got my parents coming over tomorrow. Dad still isn’t great. His wound still won’t heal. I don’t think the surgeon knows why. He did mention something about over granulation, which I looked up on google (as you do) and there were some similarities. But he’s still in some pain. God willing it’s not anything too serious, but I guess because there is such a backlog with ops and stuff, Dad is not a priority. I just wish it would heal. Anyway, they’re coming for dinner and I’ll make them a cake. ?

Night night,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Always a pleasure to read your messages. I bring my iPad to bed every night, along with my phone. I generally log into Gamcare to see if you’ve messaged me. If I’m not too tired, and it’s not too late, I respond. 

I didn’t mean to be defensive about there not being a reason why some/I have a gambling problem. I may well have an issue, but I just don’t know what it is. I do think LOTS who do develop problems with gambling will have something missing from their lives, just not ALL. 

I talk to my Mum a fair bit about gambling and gambling addiction. It bores her a bit, because she’s heard quite a lot over the years. One thing I always try to tell her (when in the past she has tried to tell me to think - there are much better ways to spend my money) is that as gamblers we never remember the bad times. That feeling of exhaustion, the desperation, the sadness, the emptiness. Time always heals for a gambler, and before we know it, we are seeking our fix yet again. For you to be remembering the bad times is a good thing. Long may that continue. And I hope aids your recovery. 

We had a nice afternoon/evening with my parents today. I think they enjoyed it. They don’t really go out very much, partly because of the high covid cases and partly because that’s the routine they’ve got into. Have you visited your Mum recently? 

We have one episode of Deadline left. Ooooooo I just remembered, something started tonight on channel 5 (I think) it’s called Compulsion, and it’s about a paramedic who is suffering depression and starts gambling. No doubt we’ll both be able to relate to some of it. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

Tizzy not happy. Tizzy been naughty. I’m trying to make light of it, but deep down I feel rubbish. Not only have I relapsed twice at bingo, but tonight I had a big relapse online. Trying to recoup. It’s at the part in the cycle where *I’m never gambling again* if I don’t want the cycle to continue I need to take more control in my actions, I know that. 

Yes, I am extremely close to my Mum and tell her almost everything. The only bits I don’t tell her are to do with gambling. She knows I have a gambling problem. She knows I go to bingo and sometimes go shopping. She doesn’t agree, but she knows she can’t do anything to stop me. She thinks I haven’t gambled online for probably 8 months. She listens to me when I talk about it. Sometimes it makes me feel better to talk about it, to try and explain to her how a CG can go to such extremes to get money to get their buzz. She sometimes yawns while I’m talking ? she’s fed up hearing about it tbh. She doesn’t understand, how can she? And she’s definitely called me exactly the same names, and said the same things that your family said to you. It’s their ignorance Captain, luckily for them. Don’t we wish we were ignorant when it comes to gambling ☹️

So tomorrow I’m going to turn a new leaf. I am going to take control. I have a lot less money coming in a month now. OH has basically written off my debt, but, I have to transfer almost two thirds of my wages a month to him. I had a little stash, I always knew when it dried up I’d come to the end of possibilities to gamble. 

You talked about your spark, and that you cannot talk about it here. Is that because it’s something like my shopping trips, or have I completely misunderstood? Or can you not mention because of recognition? 

So yes, Good Friday tomorrow. I hope you find things to fill your days. It’s hard Captain, I understand. We have no plans - well nothing different because it’s a BH weekend. I just know I’m going to wake up feeling really fed up. 

A friend messaged me tonight to tell me about the friend that’s developed a gambling problem. She was at bingo tonight, had a really bad night. All stressed out, left in tears. She is spending far more than she has. Something will happen eventually ? s**t will hit the fan. It always will if we don’t change our path…

Sweet dreams,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I didn’t sleep well last night. But fortunately today hasn’t been too bad. It’s weird, before when I had a big loss I’d be depressed I had no more ammunition. Today it’s not been about that. More annoyed at losing what I have. Angry with myself. As I type now the thought of not going shopping *ever again* really saddens me. Makes me feel anxious. But I guess the answer is not thinking beyond a day. And to avoid thinking about it in that way. 

How do I feel about OH writing off my dept? I feel relieved. I feel it’s not hanging over my shoulders. I don’t feel shame, is that bad? I don’t even feel guilty. We’re not loaded by any means, we’re married so any debts I have are his debts too. As you know, I’ve forgiven him for some misdemeanours over the years. It won’t have any impact on his/our lives. On saying that, I am really appreciative that he has done it for me. 

I can see why you weren’t impressed with Deadline, I found it ok. We’re going to start Compulsion tonight. Our little Grandson is fast asleep, he’s been a little angel. It won’t be a late one for me tonight as no doubt I’ll be woken up around 6am ???

I hope your Good Friday hasn’t been too bad. It’s been a glorious day, although I know that doesn’t impress you ?

I agree we should try and think up something special/different we could do for our June Anniversary ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi

Being consumed by my unhealthy habits I felt like I was out of control.

I felt like I really meant to change and not lie any more, but I was in a very unhealthy decline and fears were over whelming me.

With high levels of fears come going in to panic mode where you are unable to think clearly or work things out in a healthy way.

It sounds very healthy by midnight I was snoring away good for you.

Flat is an unusual expression of your feelings and emotions.

I use to think that I was numbed out, that I could not explain or articulate my feelings and emotions, 

Some times questioning if that was traumas due to my addictions or traumas due to my child hood.

You have no desire to play any other games, that is a healthy thing.

Boredom was one of  my emotional triggers, it was due to my procrastination and having lack of faith and confidence in myself.

For me winning just prolonged my pains and suffering.

For me the gambling was a way to escape a way to ride that unhealthy adrenaline rush. 

In my recovery I would give up excitement and unhealthy risk taking.

Sorry to hear your Dad is not great.

Family peoples pains and wounds can be a great worry for us.

I had some wounds that would not heal I used tea tree oil worked very well.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it is very healthy of you..

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

ADA Dave Of Beckenham  UK