Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi

Hi Captain,

For me Gambling was a way I escaped from myself and the world.

For me Gambling was very unhealthy and self destructive.

I am a non religious person and have found so much peace in my world today

The Gambling never hurt me, I hurt myself.

No body made me lie, I did it to my self.

I got amrried thinking I knew what love was.

I was lying ot myself.

I could not give of my self unconditionally.

In my life I was always expecting some thing in return, I was always dissapointed.

Gambling was where I use to go when I was consumed in my fears.

I hope that every one is wwilling top invest great amounts of time and energy in to their recovery.

After all you get back what you give.

I am more self sufficient.

I do not expect some thing for nothing.

I am abale to reward my self for time I put in to my recovery.

I write down my needs each day.

I write down my goals each day.

I write down my wants each day.

Stay focused on healthy actions and healthy words.

My recovery, my healing, me fears are all down to me to me getting things done.

My recovery took time effort and valuing myself.

I had to ask my self am I talker or a walker.

How much do I value my healthy life today.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi Captain,

I understand what you’re saying about your hopes for “the spark”. Obviously you’re very disappointed. Any chance of a brighter future would be brilliant. I don’t want to be or sound patronising but I do believe things will get better. I know you have to run a very tight ship because of finances. And obviously if you had more spare cash that would help in some ways. But what is dragging you down the most? The regret? The fact you can never (should never) live your life with your favourite pastimes? The fact your life is flat and has no excitement? 

Maybe now is not the time for you for you to go into more detail. I’m here if/when you want to respond. 

Things came to a bit of a head today with OH. We really had a fallout. Things are better this evening. But lots of things were said, and I’m feeling a little bruised, not physically. I do think he’s getting older. He’s 10 years older than me, and I think he’s getting more grumpy. He on the other hand would probably say the same about me ?

We started to watch the second episode of Grace tonight. The first hour was pretty good we’ll watch the rest tomorrow night. 

Arsenal play Spurs tomorrow night too. I’m sure you’re aware if we beat them we’re in CL next season. A big game. It’ll be difficult, but like with many Derby’s, form goes out the window! 

Night night Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

The weekend is almost over. It’s been a rubbish day today. Although as a neighbour suggested, we do need the rain. 

We are off out this evening. OH and I are now ok, just had a few sh***y days. It happens. 

We’ve started watching another drama on Netflix, as we’ve run out of things to watch on usual channels. 

I hope your weekend has been “ok”. Have you ventured into the chat room lately? 

Sorry, I haven’t got a lot to say today. ?

Will catch up in the week,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Its hard for us both atm. I’m not feeling my best and neither are you. So it’s difficult for either of us to make the other smile. 

My Father’s wound is getting worse. Nurses are coming every other day but it could do with every day - but then my parents don’t get a “free day”. They have no idea what time the nurses will call, understandably, but until they’ve been, my parents will be sitting there, kind of waiting. I suggested my Father contact the doctor a few weeks ago. But he didn’t. He has phoned his surgeons secretary, she said she’ll look into it, but nothing seems to be happening. I really think he should contact his own doc and explain his whole situation. I’m sorry to go on about this, it just gets me down at times. At other times I try to kind of block it out and tell myself they will sort him out. If I didn’t, I’d just feel low all the time. 

I understand what you’re saying about the flatness being worse than the highs and lows of gambling. In reality it’s not worse than the lows (they can be awful) but, as you say, we get over the low pretty quick. If we didn’t we wouldn’t keep doing it over and over again. And yes, the more lows you have, the quicker you heal. Nothing replaces the high. Well, nothing currently does in my life or yours. 

We went to bingo last night. My friend was there. She had another bad day. I try to talk to her. But I know a lot of what I say is falling on deaf ears. She keeps saying she is going to do something about her gambling but at the moment the times not right, but she’s “getting there”. I’ve said to her don’t get to rock bottom before you do something. It’ll cause so much damage. She asked me where I’m at. And quite honestly Captain I don’t know. I go often to bingo and I don’t play slots. But occasionally I’ll go to another place. I don’t want to stop. But does any CG? When they still have ammunition and opportunity to get their fix. I just don’t know where I’m at. But what I do know is I don’t want to get myself into a hole, like so many on here do. That’s what scares me. 

Anyway, I wish you a better week.

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. 

There’s much I’d love to share with you. Had lots of big events happened over the last few months, finishing yesterday. 

So, we have our Grandson now for almost a week! He arrived at 6 this morning ?I’m not used to such an early start to the day. We are taking him away for a few days, just somewhere pretty local. So by the end of the week I’ll probably have aged 10 years! ???

Sad to say you were right about Arsenal. Extremely disappointing. But to be honest it was all in their hands. CL play was theirs to lose, and they lost it. I also believe Spurs will do better than we would, if I’m being totally honest. Liverpool extremely unlucky, Man City showed the champions they are by turning around their game totally, and winning the Premier League. 

So, you’ve been on a couple of actual dates. You say nothing can come if this long term. I think you need to go in with the right attitude. You’re not to far off there. You absolutely do need to be respective of others and their feelings. But, I am a firm believer of what’s meant to be. So bearing that in mind, if you were to meet someone, then you’d have to open up somewhat. I know that won’t be easy. But you have to give that person the choice. But, that bridge needs to crossed if and when that situation arises. For now, enjoy some female company. Have you been out for drinks or a meal? Share as much info as you can please - I’m interested. ?

Your BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Greetings from a very tired Nana! I’ve been going to bed around 9pm and waking around 5:30am! Just two more nights to go, then it’s the other Nana’s turn. We had fun while we were away. We went swimming, hired bike carts and ate loads! I was impressed with the caravan, it was only £160 for 4 nights, very reasonable. And considering it was a caravan, the bed was pretty comfortable, definitely slept in worse ???

We are off out for a meal shortly. Then I’m hoping to stay awake to watch the CL final. ??Think I’ll need a holiday soon ???

With regard to the online dating, as I said before: you’ve just got to take it one step at a time. But it sounds like that’s your plan, so I hope it adds some *spice* to your life. Nothing wrong with a bit of spice Captain eh? Lol. If ever you need any advice, friend to friend, I’m always here ?just make sure you keep me up to date with anything juicy ?

Popped out shopping yesterday as Grandson was at nursery. Fortunately I came home with the same amount of money that I went with. A big sigh of relief….definitely luck more than judgement.

I hope your weekend is going ok. Are we up to a 4 or 5 yet? I hope so ??

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I remember the dating game well. I had a few knocks myself. We’re not everyone’s cuppa. The problem is, it hurts. I never thought about that side of it when you said you’d started engaging with some women. Get back on the horse Captain, plenty of fish and all that…. ❤️

So I dropped grandson at nursery today. His other Nana is picking him up and is now on duty. I have to admit I had a nap this afternoon, I was knackered Captain! But I already miss him ❤️❤️

Again I’ve been bickering with OH. I really think he’s getting older and a bit miserable. He has an awful habit of being sarcastic about things, digging at me and it really P****s me off. I just can’t be bothered to talk to him quite honestly. As I’ve always said he’s very good in many ways, I guess no one’s perfect ?

You’re definitely right about me and gambling. I liked your *ad-hoc* terminology. It’s correct. I guess I *try* not to gamble. But as I’ve tried to explain before, I like the fact of knowing *I can* if I want to. I like having my little *stash* in the drawer. But obviously being the person I am, I will never continually be content in *just knowing I can*, inevitably I will always give in to temptation every so often. When I’m bored, or upset etc etc, *only slightest excuse needed*.

I hope you’re ok my friend ?

Tizzy xxx

Its payday and I dont want to bet

Past gambling success I'm trying to forget

The joy of a win when a football team score

Then gamble on greyhounds give it all back and more

But life without gambling is empty and a bore

Only looking forward to sleeping and a snore

Dreams so much better than everyday real life

But no doubt gambling would bring even more strife

Another football season I don't think I can face

I miss the thrilling climax of a horse race

I'd like to be happy but I cannot lie

A part of me hopes this is the year that I die

Hi

Its payday and you are being rewarded for your work, do you not deserve to be paid.

You don’t want to bet that is very healthy choice, you do not want to cause your self pain today.

For me gambling was never being successful only a win just prolonged the pains and fears I caused myself.

I never felt successful when gambling I never felt worth while or like I deserved nice things.

When gambling I was living in fear and on an adrenaline rush.

Risk taking and on adrenaline rush I was in decline in my life.

Learn from the past unhealthy parts but do not live in them.

Nothing healthy about living in the guilt and shame of my past.

How did feeling successful come about.

What would I class as being successful in my life today.

It is the need to do thing that I do today.

It is the want to do thing that I do today, am I rewarding my self today..

Am I able to ask for help today, am I able to share my self with like minded people today.

How could it that the only time I felt successful was when a team I like wins, can I not feel successful by my healthy actions and my healthy words today.

When Gambling I was willing to give every thing away while I and my family went with out.

Life without gambling is less painful ,less fear, less self destructive and more fulfilling.

Life without gambling I can feel proud of myself.

Life without gambling I can have a holiday.

Life without gambling I can have pleasure and pride in my family.

The recovery program often raises more questions than answers.

The recovery program helps me get more stimulated with my life and my actions.

The recovery program helps me achieve my goals and my dreams.

No doubt gambling would bring even more pains fears suffering and strife, no doubt about that one.

The recovery program helps us with achieving the thrilling climax of our healthy actions and our goals.

One of my goals was to go to Disney just once, we enjoyed it so much we went 4 times.

If you die you will miss so many rewards you can achieve for your self.

Give the recovery program all of your time and effort and look for a healthy sponsor to share with.

Understands your emotional triggers and deal with them in healthier ways.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Captain,

I didn’t like your poem, I realise I’m not meant to. I guess living life with an addiction, trying to turn a corner and add some spice to your life, then getting rejected has hit you hard. I don’t know what to say. I want to cheer you up…. My bestie The Captain. The fact is, as I said yesterday, we’re not everyone’s cup of tea. She must have liked the look of you to have a second date. Surely that’s a positive. Some women are picky. IMHO it’s her loss, and I’ll get more of your time messaging me! ?

OH and I are ok. Of late yes we been bickering a bit. I think having our Grandson more hasn’t helped. OH just seems to have less patience as he’s getting older. And he’s had a naughty word slip out in front of Grandson, that infuriates me. He’s at that age where he repeats so much. Fortunately he’s not repeated a naughty word, but I’d be devastated if he did! I’m not one if those Nanas that find it amusing, not at all! 

How’s work at the moment? You’ve not mentioned it recently. 

Not sure if I said, but my Father has an appointment on 10th June, hopefully they’ll decide what they’re going to do to fix the problems. Also as he’s recently had a CT scan, this should make it easier for them to determine what the problem is and the best way forward. We can live in hope. 

We started to watch the last episode of Grace last night. But I got tired and had to go to bed so will probably finish that off tonight. 

I hope you’re ok. Sending you a big hug ? 

Tizzy xxx

Hello Captain46,

Your poem seems to express chronic unhappiness and weariness of life; It is good that you are expressing yourself and using your creativity with words, at the same time it is concerning that you write 

"I'd like to be happy but I cannot lie

A part of me hopes this is the year that I die"

This prompts concern for your emotional wellbeing... I wonder if you would talk with your GP about your lack of satisfaction, and call us on our freephone to talk about how you are feeling?  Someone on the forum once posted 'Recovery needs to be enjoyable to be sustainable', your levels of enjoyment and life satisfaction are important for your recovery and wellbeing.

Here are a couple links that might be of interest:

https://www.thecalmzone.net/footballer-steven-caulker-on-addiction-and-getting-his-head-back-in-the-game

https://www.menshealthforum.org.uk/howru-hub

Take care,

Adam.

Hi Captain,

Its been a while ?

Sorry things aren’t good with you. 

I don’t have any news either. Things are up and down with OH. Part of the problem is the fact I take things personally and get upset by quite a lot. I think it’s due to changes happening to my body - due to my age ???

Dads appointment on Friday can’t come soon enough. He’s back to being in quite a lot of pain, along with having no interest in anything. It’s very sad. I just hope they can do something and things will change somewhat. 

Please don’t worry about repeating yourself. I’m here always. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. I’m glad you’ve been in chat, I’m sure it will have been of help to some. I haven’t been in chat for months and months. Part of me feels it’s hypocritical, it’s not for me atm. 

Things have been better with OH today. We’ve been busy around the house as we’re having a family bbq on Saturday. There’ll be about 15 of us! 

We are going away on Monday to a lodge in the SW. I’m looking forward to it. It’s nice to get away from the norm. 

Love Island is back on the tv (I know you hate it) ? OH has to suffer it ???

Yes, almost our first year Anniversary…. How we gonna celebrate?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I hope things are better with you, even if only a little.

We’re away. The weather is lovely, a little too lovely for my liking tbh. It’s nothing fantastic, just different from the norm. You can use the same tea and the same milk, but the tea tastes different. The same sausages cooked taste different. I like it. On saying that, I’m hoping to go back on Saturday (2 days early) as there’s something I don’t want to miss out on. Not sure if OH will roll with that but I’m keeping my fingers crossed ? 

We’re going to venture out today to a seaside town. I fancy eating (we’ll share) fish and chips out of the paper, with lashings of salt and vinegar. It’s a holiday thing that just has to be done! So cereal and toast for breakfast shortly. 

I do think there are different depths of CG’s. You, like me have some control. I know you’ll say it’s a case if “having to” ….but you do. It’s hard and you battle daily, maybe again it’s because you previously hit your rock bottom - did you? Maybe it’s because I haven’t that I still shop. I just did a massive sigh. I currently have online gambling under control. It’s controlled to a certain degree as you know. I’m with Gamstop until next year. OH is excluded from many, many sites. These are barriers, if I really wanted to gamble online I’d find a way. There’s ALWAYS a way. But is it the fact that I still occasionally “shop” that covers my online addiction? That gives me my fix, so I don’t look for it online. I just don’t know…

Take care of yourself and let me know how you are. 

Tizzy xxx

Morning Captain,

Yes I am totally up for exchanging email addresses. I have many, all made for different gambling accounts. ? I could therefore nominate one specifically for you ?

To be honest, I thought about that a couple of months ago, but didn’t know how you or Gamcare would see this. I didn’t think it was allowed, so was trying to think of ways I could give you my email address in code. ? But I didn’t want to get into trouble ???

My dad received a letter from the plastic surgeon (he seems to be taking over dads case) yesterday. A very long letter, detailing everything my dad had been through and the plan he has moving forward. Sadly this is another op. But really knew it would be the case. It would involve what’s called a debridement, removing whatever is necessary. This would leave a big hole at the bottom of dads chest, so there is talk of twisting/moving the muscle from his back. Quite a big op I would suggest and he’d require ICU treatment afterwards. 

I have also got to have routine blood tests, smear and first mammogram when we get home…… you know how I feel about that! ???

It is nice being away from normality. And no doubt it’s what you could do with. Sadly when you’re single you generally pay so much more. I’m sure you’d love a nice lodge holiday. It’s pretty quiet, not many children around ? there’s a pool and a bistro here. I haven’t been to either, OH went swimming yesterday. We’ll probably go out this afternoon, grab a coffee somewhere, have a little walk around. As I say, it’s nothing wow, just nice to get away. 

Let me know how we move forward re exchanging email addresses,

Tizzy xxx