Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi BFF, 

Have you missed me? ? Sorry if you have. I’ve just been really busy. Don’t ask me what I’ve been doing, because I couldn’t really tell you. And last night when I came to bed, I immediately fell asleep! 

I understand your feelings with regard to one of your local bookies closing. As you say, it probably is due to the “dreaded” online gambling. Where you don’t even need to get dressed to get some action! You can get up, make a cuppa and get a fix immediately! It’s crazy, but after everything, you still feel a connection. But I get it Captain. 

Sorry again to hear you’ve been down to 3/10. Is that feeling at work? Do you have time to grade how you’re feeling? Or is it after work? Would people in the office see a different Captain? I guess not, you keep yourself to yourself, relatively speaking. 

So when do your new running shoes arrive? I bet you can’t wait to try them out and beat some jogger out minding his own business ???

Is it your Mum’s birthday this weekend? The presents sound nice. And cake is always good. I love bought Birthday cake  ?. I hope she has a lovely day. 

I’m not doing very well at our lyrics game. Again I didn’t get song nor artist. I kicked myself when I put the lyrics into google. Of course I knew the song. Didn’t know you liked Madonna. 

What did you do on your day off? You’re right, Autumn is definitely here. It’s a bit chillier in the evenings. Why is Autumn your favourite season? I like Winter, then Spring. 

We went shopping tonight. Was ok.  Things are ok with me. Over three months since I gambled online. So that’s one good thing. 

Oh my Captain, we watched Vigil last night, just the first episode. Kate was right, it was really good. I think it was on Sunday and Monday. But this week it’s just on Sunday as Silent Witness is back for a new series on Monday; that’s quite good. 

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes. 
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies. 
And she only reveals what she wants you to see,    
She hides like a child,   
*** **** ****** * ***** ** ** 

Have a good weekend Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hey Captain, 

Glad you missed me, we all like to feel wanted eh? ?

Beautiful day today, I guess you’ll be doing some gardening and topping up that suntan of yours ?

My Daughter had a bad night with my Grandson, so we had him over here for a few hours today to give Mum and Dad a little break. We made chocolate cupcakes for family. I’m cooking roast beef for dinner tonight. My OH’s Son is coming over. He’s single, so rarely gets a good roast. 

I’m surprised you don’t fancy Vigil. It really is one of the best things I’ve watched in ages. Lots of mystery, and you know me and my mystery ? I think I’ve said - we found Deceit ok. 

Dad’s about the same. We’re going to visit them tomorrow, and take some cupcakes ?

Your running shoes must be pretty good ones, coming from overseas! I imagine you’re looking forward to their arrival. 

You mentioned a Madonna album reminded you of your first holiday abroad, a have that feeling with some Wham songs. Not a holiday abroad, but at Butlins. My parents have never flown. They have no desire to. I never got on an aeroplane until my early thirties. And quite honestly, I’d prefer not to. I’m quite happy holidaying in the UK.

Maybe we should give up on the song lyrics game. I’ll have think of another way we can test each other ?

Hope you’re having a reasonable Sunday BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

It really saddens me to hear you spent a lot of Sunday in bed. But, I understand. I’m in no doubt that when you reach such a low point, it would take a miracle to bring you back up. And yes, I agree, it’s par of the course.

For someone who has been gambling a few years, then stops, after some months they’d no doubt start to feel better. For you, well, it’s been such a big part of your life. It’s been your life. It’s decided your moods, your ups your downs. The lyrics I sent a little while ago spring to mind “if I lose the highs, at least I’m spared the lows”. I know for you right now life is monotonous, but it will get better. I think you believe that. I hope you do. 

You’re aware we had many holidays at Butlins. We also had lots of holidays camping in Cornwall. Back to basics. Tinned corned beef, smash and beans for tea! But we’d have wonderful Cornish pasties for lunch on the beach. And our nightly treat was going into Newquay to an ice cream parlour and having a knickerbocker glory or banana boat. The simple things gave much pleasure. 

So, cards on the table…. My last two outings have been bad. I’ve lost well over four figures. To make things worse, my OH has started to play more. He used to have a little go, now he is getting more carried away. I feel guilty. If it wasn’t for me, he’d never waste money like that. I am going to continue going to bingo. But, and I know it’s going to be hard, but, well I must stop slots full stop.  Obviously going to a bingo hall, full of machines is a temptation, but I’m merely going to take enough money for bingo. I know some won’t agree,  but I know you’ll support my road. I also know tomorrow when I wake up I’ll be pretty fed up. But my Grandson will be over at 11, and he’ll keep my mind occupied. 

It’s certainly getting darker earlier in the evenings now. But it’s still humid tonight. My fan will remain on all night, much to the annoyance of my OH ?

We watched Silent Witness tonight. Was definitely just ok. With regard to Deceit, they portrayed heavily that the female police woman was really s*** on by her colleagues. I wonder if that’s really the case, or was it exaggerated. Guess we’ll never know. But the actress who played her did a good job! 

So Captain, tomorrow is another day for you and me both. 

Sweet dreams, here’s to better things BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hello Captain,

I could tell your mood by your words tonight. 

I really enjoy our communication. I look forward to reading what you’ve sent me. And I agree, we are helping each other with our journeys. I really hope you’re able to pull yourself up a little. In life we all need things to look forward to. Something to focus on. I don’t like to talk too much about your meeting with the bank in December, but, whatever happens, it needs to happen and then you can work out your new future. 

I’ve been busy with Nana duties again today. He’s two and two months. I call him a little pickle. He’s currently at the phase where he’s repeating almost everything you say. So we have to be extra careful not to say any naughty words. 

There is a Stephen Lawrence Drama on atm, but we didn’t fancy it. We actually watched a film tonight. Angel has Fallen. It was ok, action packed. It made a change from Dramas. 

I was a bit low this morning, but as the day progressed my mood improved.

I hope you find that spark soon Captain and you’re able to ignite it. 

Sending hugs your way,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

No check in from you today ? I missed ya!! I hope it’s because you’ve been busy, and not because you’re not in a good place.?

We went out tonight - stuck to plan. 

I completed my second “Nana duties” day today. I’m enjoying it lots. Part of that is because I’m finding it easier than I thought I would. The other reason is that it’s only 5 hours and we don’t have to get up early either. So I can come round in my own time. Take our little pooch for her walk and enjoy my morning coffee before our Grandson’s arrival. 

I know people, acquaintances from bingo who have gambled in club through their membership card. Therefore the bingo management/staff etc are aware of exactly what these people have spent in a year. Many of these people are receiving emails (if what they have spent is considered high, I assume) to confirm the amount that’s they’ve spent and they’ve been asked to answer questions. I assume the same sort of questions I had to answer when I was depositing hundreds and hundreds online. Does gambling cause you financial problems? Do you find you spend too much time gambling? Do you chase losses? For me (and probably most CG’s) if I’d answered honestly then I’d have said yes to every question. Instead I answered no, allowing me to deposit even more. What the bingo hall is doing is just the same as the online sites - they are merely covering their ar**s, pretending to care but merely going through the motions. Ensuring no one can sue their b***ts! I used to get infuriated when on the tv there’d be a gambling advert. And it’d say “when the fun stops, stop”……..if only it was that friggin easy. Don’t get me wrong, whenever I have lost there’s only one person I’ve ever blamed, myself. I just don’t like or agree with the patronising bu*****t.

When we had the last heatwave my OH bought an air con unit for our bedroom. It was a good brand and wasn’t cheap. Anyway yesterday he got it up and running and piped it out the window. It sounds like there’s a bl***y spaceship in our bedroom! The noise is terrible ??? but it’s certainly a lot cooler ????

It’s never too late for a new beginning in your life…

Tizzy xxx

Captain, had to reply immediately as I knew the answer!!!

Well, I have two, you’re only as old as “you feel”/“the woman you’re feeling” ????

To be continued……x

Hi again Captain,

I’ve felt a little fed up today. I’m ok now. Dad had the viability nurse out today to look at his “non healing” wounds. She’s pretty confident he has something called osteomyelitis. It’s where infection gets into the bone and in his case is causing quite bad pain. He’s going to have to have an X-ray and possibly a CT scan to confirm this, but currently because of the way things are, this could take some time. If it is confirmed, hopefully a big blast of antibiotics intravenous will sort it. If not, an operation to cut out the infected bone. But hopefully it won’t come to that, I try and tell myself at least it’s positive. If she’s right then action will be taken. It’s just so hard when he’s already been through so much. As I said before, he’s always been so fit, even at 77. This has really taken it out of him ?

I think along with getting the buzz when gambling, you also get taken away from all your troubles and woes. Now I don’t have that escapism.

I too did experience some online casinos that also asked for ID, bank statements etc and of course these were all for my OH! I didn’t send them in either, because if the same reasons as you! I just found another site. There’s just so many aren’t there! 

You made me smile when talking about the new guy in your office. Glad he made you feel good about yourself ? I guess with regard to going in the office occasionally you’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe it won’t happen, but if it does you’ll get used to it. At least it’s only the possibility of one day. 

We watched the third Vigil tonight, still pretty good. I saw a new drama advertised - Manhunt. I don’t know anything about it, just the name. 

Friday again tomorrow Captain, another weekend almost here! 

Be good, and if you can’t be good be…………..? 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Thanks for my post on my diary ? hope your well.

I totally understand where your coming from, it must be very difficult re the whole sports and watching them. I could imagine how difficult that would be, luckily like you said mine was slots so lucky for me I don't have to see people playing slots as a sport ect. Your are fast approaching your 1 year anniversary now, superb specially with all the football thay has been with the delays last year from covid. Something in your face all the time like that must be hard but you are doing great to work around it and do a method that works best for you like watching highlights. 

Oh and funnily enough last night I dreamt I played slots which is wierd because I've not thought of that for ages or dreamt about spinning the reels. I was so gutted in my dream that I had ruined my streak but I was winning and that overpowered it saying I would just do it this once. So I can see why in person people could easily relapse. But I'm determined not to let that happen.

What date is your 1 year anniversary so I can bring the cake ?  lol.

Ps get vigil on, its a good watch 

Love Kate 

Oh well more cake for us all now as we will just have to just have a month of celebrations ?.  Lou also hits 12months in October ??

I've not watched much in a while, have you ever watched the handmaids tale. That's really good

My mother in law loves the walking dead but that's not stuff I like, don't do all the zombie c**P lol, totally dragged out now though that series. I'm more into my crime and thriller. Think I've mentioned peaky blinders to you before and you didn't like it. What about the bodyguard, ( not the film) that was fab 

Kate

Hi Captain, 

Its a beautiful evening and we’re on our way out ? no slots! 

Arsenal won today, Brighton won today, win win. Let’s hope Raducanu can make it 3/3! what a girl, what potential she has! 

I haven’t done much today. We watched a film this afternoon which reminded us exactly why we don’t pay for Sky Movies. It was c**P! Just passed a couple of hours! 

So today is 5 days no slots for me. I’m doing ok. As the lyrics say, if I lose the highs, at least I’m spared the lows. 

How are you doing Captain? Have you ventured out today? Will you watch the tennis this evening? I won’t, but I’ll keep an eye on the score through my phone. 

Have a good evening BFF

Tizzy xxx

Good Evening Captain,

I’m really glad you’re still here, and of course are not in jail either. As I’ve said many times, we all share so many traits, feelings as compulsive gamblers. But our journeys out of that hell hole are all different. What works for one may not work for another and so on. And we as individuals will only do it when we are ready. I thought about being naughty this afternoon. Whilst I have access to cash and the means to get to where the action is, I guess it’s always going to be a possibility. I know it’s an addiction. I know continuing to feed it isn’t going to help me in the long run. But I just enjoy it so much. I’ve likened it to a love affair in the past. But the love we give gambling is far from reciprocated! 

You mention that famous self destruct button. I’m in no doubt whatsoever that if you didn’t have one you’d be well off. Do you think there are people out there making a living from gambling? I knew once of a guy at my local casino that got barred for card counting. I guess it’s all about staying in control and being able to walk away when things don’t go your way. Anyway….

Back to Monday tomorrow. Is work still really busy for you? I guess you just didn’t fancy going out this weekend  ☹️

What are you watching on the tv? We started watching a film earlier, The Good Liar, about a conman. We’ll finish it tomorrow as I’ve retired for the night.??

Even the worst days have an ending, and the best days have a beginning… 

Sweet dreams Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

So, today I gave in to temptation. I gambled on slots. I don’t want to elaborate any further. No reason, only that I say one thing and do another. But again, no point in lying to you, or myself. I don’t feel angry with myself. 
Part of me knows I shouldn’t. But part of me is prepared to spend all my wages monthly - because “I enjoy it”. Deep sigh….

In other news, yes, glad to see Djokovic lost. Is it wrong it gave me pleasure? I just don’t like him. What else can I say? 

Glad you liked the quote. I felt it was pretty relevant to you my friend. But so very true. 

 I know things would be very different for you if you weren’t a CG. And agree with all you’ve said about people making a living from gambling. But I guess at the end of day you are, so a bit like saying if pigs had wings they’d fly. 

We watched Silent Witness tonight. It really is getting worse. They seem to be scraping the barrel this time around. We’ve seen Ordinary Lives. I looked it up on google to jog my memory. I think I found it ok ?

Well I guess I’d better get some sleep, nana duties tomorrow. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Thanks for your continued advice and support, as always. You’re right about the incentive just

not being there. 

All what you said about Djokovic I agree 100% with. Absolutely arrogant. I too would watch and cheer on Nadal, even though I love Federer. Djokovic may well be like marmite, but I think more Brits would be routing for his opponents rather than him ? I don’t mind a bit of Ronnie though. Much prefer him to many of recent snooker champions. As for the golfer, never heard of him. I know absolutely nothing about golf!

My dads still in lots of pain. I seriously wonder if he’s ever going to get back to being 50% of the man he was. It’s 5 months since his op. He still has nurses out daily, dressing wounds, which seem constantly infected. I just wish he’d get some light to cling on to, some hope. Getting older isn’t always a bundle of laughs, but as the saying goes, it’s a privilege denied to many.

Which brings me to your beautiful quote. Tizzy loved it. ❤️ If you think about it deeply, it puts much into perspective BFF. 

Not sure what we’re going to watch tonight. I wanted to go out, OH didn’t. So, we’re staying in - much to my disdain ☹️ So, I’m making chicken tikka for dinner and it’ll probably be episode 2 of Silent Witness. I’ll probably just wander off in my thoughts….. ????

Have a good evening Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hey Captain,

Good to hear you’re enjoying Ordinary Lives. To be fair, I would have watched it when it was first broadcast, so I can’t remember lots about it. Horses for courses and all that. But, it’s good when you really enjoy watching something ? There have been a few dramas that I’ve really enjoyed over the last few years. Sadly most fall into the “ok” category. Some start out with such promise, but go downhill rapidly! I hope it continues to keep you entertained. 

I didn’t realise gambling had such a bad effect on your health. Nor that it played a part in your abstinence. It just shows you what an impact it can have! Quite disturbing really. 

Silent Witness was ok last night. OH had to explain some of it to me ?We went out tonight, so just watched headlines of the news when we got back. All about the shake up of the cabinet. ?

Tomorrow I’m making a cake for my Daughter’s Birthday. She’ll be 28. I’m very lucky. She’s a good girl, we are best friends. She’s nothing like I was at her age - thank goodness! 

You do make me smile Captain. I hope your conference calls went well ? and I’m sure you looked delightful ?

Sweet dreams,

Tizzy xxx

Good Morning Captain,

Monday morning again, it’s like I’ve blinked and missed the weekend! Probably the opposite for you. 

Sorry to hear about your Mum. I believe it’s very easy to break bones when you get older. I hope she has a rapid recovery.

I believe the drama starting on ITV tonight, is it Nightstalker (?) is new, it’s the second series. I don’t particularly like Martin Clunes in his comedy roles, but I think the first series of this was ok. We’ll see. 

Not much news this end either Captain. Weekend has been ok. Out Saturday and Sunday evening. 

We’re going away again three weeks tomorrow. My OH is going to visit his Mum who has Alzheimer’s and is in a home. We will visit his siblings. Then we are staying in a lodge for a few nights about an hour from home. 

My Dad is still the same. Wounds are still red and infected and antibiotics are just keeping it at bay, not clearing the infection. 

I hope you’ve had a reasonable weekend.

Tizzy xxx