Lifer

Mr.b

it is with honour and strength.

I doff my battered cap to you my dear friend.

Stepping forward never back.

Yo,

To stand up and be counted .......

Deepest Respect !

Shiny xxxx

Mr B!

Good to hear from you, here is one for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…U&list=PLDCAD682A0CC836EC

Paulds

Great song Paul. Love that band and have seen em live.

As for my posts. I continue my breakaway. Addiction and the underlying causes are my issue. Gambling is just one of the ways in which it manifests itself. Gambling is our symptom not our disease.

For Each A Road

For Every Man A Religion...

Bit of your name sake there...keep on keeping on xx

My name is Ian. I am an addict. I struggle day to day with an addictive personality. Whether it be gambling, booze, s*x, drugs to name a few of the negatives. Also lots of positive ones. I call these habits or hobbies because they don't detract from my life but I still pursue them with the addict's drive. I was inspired to post again by two of my closest friends that I met on this site. One of them fully helped me understand the term codependency and my desire to be independent. The other has had a recent crash and I feel a need to support again whilst maintaining myself.

To continue with myself. So much can happen inside a six month period it's unbelievable. Shortly after my last post I left my partner of 15 years. I made this decision on purely selfish reasons. I was also driven to be an arrogant self assured t****r by the "id" inducing chemicals in my body which were prescribed by my GP. These mindfuck drugs sure stop you gambling but also rob you of your identity and passion.

I now live alone in a two bed flat. I have my daughter stay as often as she likes. I have drunk myself silly culminating in returning to therapy and nearly losing my job in the process.

Being wide awake at this time with the constant headache does me no favours when I have an early start for a 10 hour shift. But I have a lot to be thankful for. I am alive. I have health. I have family and friends. I have a roof over my head. I have employment. Still all of my needs are not met. They never will be. I continue the pursuit of spirit. It proves elusive but I keep searching. My soul still belongs to the demons but I feel determined to reclaim it.

Watch this space now for regular posts. Whether they are positive or negative they will always posess a rare honesty. My best quality? Or just an urgency to release the shame that has always bound me and the guilt that drowns me.

Until this evening....

The mostly honourable Mr. B. xxx

Good morning Ian

Great to hear from you and as always a true honest post saying exactly how it is, been lots of ups and downs for you the last 6 months but by now you know that's life, the level of acceptance and the understanding you have is what will keep driving you forward and never go back to those dark days we both know so well

Myself I'm in a pretty good position not perfect by far 2 years in recovery 4 relapses all the triggers and reasons understood giving me the strength to keep driving for that better life, you were a very important part in my early days of recovery and the advice and support was valuable every day I log on to my diary scroll down to the bottom of the 1st page and the words I read b4 logging to the last page is keep believing words wrote by your good self

The balance is still hard on here for me something I recall you struggled with from time to time, so many questions why what and why esp in how long would I be here for been normal and live a life away from here, again the acceptance is now there and its embraced not feared as before

Always eternally grateful for your support without you and others s wouldn't be where I am today

Castle2

hey Ian

Great to see you back on the forum , your presence and insights have been missed ..

Your here and that's all that matters as we can join the road at any point.

Your no frills honesty is something I always appreciated and also your drive to learn..

Looking forward to hearing more from you on here and how your awareness has expanded ..

R and D xxx

The honourable Mr B

Fella I am glad to see you back, your honesty drove me to follow the same path, it provides me with my greatest strength today.

I hope the forum provides something for you too, as that's why we are here.

For ourselves.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

“Each of us can look back upon someone who made a great difference in our lives, someone whose wisdom or simple acts of caring made an impression upon us. In all likelihood it was someone who sought no recognition for their deed other than the joy of knowing that, by their hand, another's life had been made better.”

Shiny xx

Aww. Thank you so much Shiny. I do believe our little circle is back. Let us join hands and keep on believing.

Tonight I will quote my own thoughts about addictive personality. This comes from a presentation that I currently give to youths of my own city and my football team on the dangers of excess.

"An addictive personality refers to a particular set of personality traits that makes an individual predisposed to addictions. Many scientists believe that addictive behaviours are defined by the excessive, repetitive use of pleasurable activities to cope with unmanageable internal conflict, pressure and stress."

In a nutshell people with these personalities are deficient of certain natural highs and chase these dangerous activities in an escape from their pain which is their reality. We are highly at risk of replacing one addiction with another and being always codependent. Recovery is an all consuming activity. One becomes addicted to not gambling just as much as they were to the act itself. Abstinence and talking therapy is the only treatment. Together one day at a time we can learn to feel complete. Compulsive gambling is most definitely an illness. It destroys us day by day if we continue. If we abstain then a polar opposite occurs. We get better one day at a time. That is the meaning of recovery. Maintenance is our only goal. I am driven to pursue it. It is achievable.

Take care everyone. Stay honest with yourselves and never lose sight or become complacent because that is when the demons will strike.

"Addicts.... We think everything is about us...Don't we?" Nikki Sixx

I don't gamble anymore....period

I don't live in fear of my addictions. You are what you are. Must learn to live with it and manage it.

The only answer for me is deeply spiritual.

Find yours....

Hi AN

I also agree that the dis-ease of addiction is a spiritual lack and a disconnection from the source. A Discordant Ease which usually only becomes painful when the physical body is affected which is the big alarm bell for many.

I came to this primarily believing that recovery could be maintained by only keeping focus on the body and mind but without the spiritual dimension it's the equivalent of permanently being an empty vessel.

The 12 step programme of recovery is perhaps the closest i get to that ,the lightbulb moment coming for the knowledge that it is not something you attain or achieve but something whereby if you follow the steps it works through you.

I was going to write that I'm way off any spiritual path but actually I don't think I am. The conflicts and challenges in my life are all tests along that path and what motives me to continue is that deep down I know that in this life anyway , the mission for me is a spiritual apprenticeship which does not always result in happiness but growth of the soul.

This lifetime being a sowing phase with much work to be done not a reaping one for me.

The task for me is harnessing a colossal amount of creative energy and learning how to discipline it for the greater good...alchemy.

R and D xxx always a student of the soul.

Is it possible to have physical withdrawal symptoms from a non substance based addiction?

My problem is that when I truly reach a level where I feel that my issues have been buried. I get a physical illness. Today I am off work sick. I went to bed last night with a mild headache. Not unusual. I popped a couple of pills. During the night I awoke with one of my migraines. On A scale of 1-10 it was 11. Thought my brain was gonna go pop. This goes along with spinal pain, dizziness, confusion, weakness and a strange flushing noise at the back of my skull.

The thing is, I am positive that a punt would take my pain away. I am not giving in. Just have to hope that the Naproxen works long term. If I gamble I get one serious bout per year. If I abstain I get one every month.

Explanation anyone?

A.N