probably a bit late to be starting a diary relating to lockdown gambling as restrictions are "supposedly" easing in coming weeks and allegedly never to return ( thank Christ )
however this weekend gone by has been a big step backwards for me first time ive felt out of control in a long time , blew 200 saturday and around 170 yesterday
last night i got to a stage where i wasn't playing to win or to lose i had no strategy or control to my stakes
i was just playing for the sake of it because i was fed up of being in house arrest and i know from experience when i hit that point things can deteriorate quickly i was fully in the trance for around 20 mins the trance where nothing matters just deposit , play deposit play its nuts lol
not sure what snapped me out of it , think i put something like Jesus these cards are bad into the chat to the dealer as i was fed up of getting bad hands
dealer looked dead inside and just answered with something vague could barely hear him over the mask, every hand on the table was constantly losing so i just thought w*f is the point left , withdrew what was left and timed out
had access to 2.5K in my account so im glad something made me stop or i suspect the lot would have been gone by this morning
didn't sleep brilliantly last night but did managed to drift off eventually and this morning I've managed to do yoga and start this diary
in the process of building a new start up business so need to get busy with remaining tasks for that today
as far as gambling hangovers go this one isn't the worse ive had
feel a little down and stupid as i really do know better than to keep going back to those god forsaken live casinos ,
but i guess it could always be worse when gambling is involved
i think the site i excluded from last night was probably one of the only ones left im not banned from but will look into gamstop too this afternoon
think even football bets are going to have to completely stop for a few months
day one
Hi.. Great stuff for posting and getting your thoughts out. In many respects you sound just like me. I think its getting to grips with the fact that you are a compulsive gambler. When it comes to gambling you don't have an off switch. Part of you gambles just to pass time and that's very dangerous as you know.
I will be blunt with you but I think that you are already making excuses for your next gamble. The site you excluded from will not be the last one to exclude from. There is always another gambling site, always! .... and when you say "I will look into gamstop this afternoon" I would imagine that you already know exactly what its all about.
I say this with the greatest of respect but I think the best thing that you can do today is
1. Register with gamstop for 5 years
2. Install Gamban on the devices that you gamble from.
Don't think about it, just do it whilst your feeling a bit sad and sorry for yourself, cos trust me you won't always feel down and then your gambling head will start talking to you once more.
All the best
day two
no urge to chase loss or gamble .....infact i couldn't think of anything worse
strange how the brain works saturday/sunday gamble gamble gamble chase chase chase
today nothing
didn't sleep great again keep waking myself up at stupid o'clock in the morning this morning i was awake at like 5am and i have no need to be up until 8.30 strange
quiet day in work today , had the final draft through on an Ebook im publishing looks great so very pleased with that
just need to get to work on the marketing strategy now
GL
day 4
still absolutely no desire to gamble, chase losses or even think about gambling its literally a mugs game always has been always will be
i am not a mug so why i am i playing a mugs game !?!
anyway final draft of my book is complete , website should be ready by next week feeling very positive about the future
was watching a program on tv last night 4 hours in police custody made me realise there are some very deranged people out there kind of made me grateful for what I've got and who i am
Day 7 !
one week on from my last gamble
still no urges ( banned anyway ) international football has been on this weekend so not even bothered watching that
kept myself busy got a lot going on with my buisness so much it almost feels overwhelming but tomorrow is Monday and i can get my head stuck into it
clocks caught me out this morning moving forward felt like i lost an hour in bed lol
stay gamble free
day 10 i think
still no urges, the lockdown and virus pantomime definitely feels as though its drawing to a close now
yesterday the weather was good havent seen so many people out and about for months it was nice
got called back into my day job today , only for a few hours but pherhaps signalling working from home 24/7 could be drawing to a close
i will miss it i think , although hopefully not long before i can leave my job and rely on my business to support me
day 16
bank holiday weekend completed ..... kept myself busy by getting out in the good weather no urges to be fair
not watched any football for a while not sure if that's helping to be honest , am very partial to a football bet and although i usually do pretty well i do find it can become a bit compulsive
there is a champions league game my old man wants to watch tonight so i said i would pop over
although my last binge was a little more than a fortnight ago it seems like a distant nightmare and not one i wish to return too anytime soon
day 19
been back in the office with my day job most of this week , big shift from home working to being back in an office with 8 people
by yesterday i was finding it a bit overwhelming so said i would be working from home today which i prefer because it gives me time to figure out side projects
no real gambling urges to report , find i am watching a lot less football lately which isnt really a bad thing as its a very time consuming hobby and there has been games more or less every day for months on end so difficult to keep up with it all
anyway better get on with some work
enjoy a gamble free weekend
day 22
little over 3 weeks without a bet or urge to bet again it all feels like a bad dream now
i am hoping with restrictions being eased across the country today i will be able to focus on actually enjoying my life again instead of being in constant house arrest
day 28
forum admin keep censoring my posts for some reason
talk about big brother state ..... constantly have to mind what you say these days incase of offending someone lol
anyway no gambling urges to report i think Sunday will mark a month since my last blip , another couple of weeks and the lockdowns should be finished for good
weather is improving
just about to stick my bike in the car and set off to the national park
will check back in next week
day 31
up and down with personal motivation at the moment , getting a start up off the ground is difficult its like trying to climb M.T Everest with no Sherpa , no map and no rope
the further i am venturing up the mountain the easier i am able to see why so many confine themselves to lives of mediocrity
but as the great Elon musk says if you need encouragement don't become an entrepreneur
had an ok weekend , things are still a little too restricted in my area of the country got caught a little cold on the weekend with the FA cup semi final
went to watch game with my father and uncle they wanted a bet on the game asked if i wanted to chuck 20 quid in the pot probably shouldn't have but didn't want to be a kill joy
we came close but didn't win anything , probably for the best
other than that no real urges or temptations to go online still plodding along
made it just over a month without a bet then bam , bored working from home this afternoon and find myself in the state of trance again
dug up some unscrupulous online casino and thought to myself il be clever here win myself some pocket money for the rest of the month , ended up wasting an entire morning and getting bummed for north of £240 not to mention writing off an entire day in the process
i feel like somone has broken into my home battered me and taken anything they could find of value, although i know this is all just in my mind
i was lucky the casino suspended my account after 2 hours to do source of funds check because i was thinking of 5x my stakes at one stage to chase the loss
now i am in a terrible mental state ........
i know this frustration and anger will pass in a few weeks but at the moment its hard to focus on anything might have to have a few games of fifa now to try and calm down
reset the calendar will check back in tomorrow when the hangover really kicks in just hope to christ i dont try to chase again this evening
Day 2
feel better this morning
after some FIFA and getting out for a long walk at one of my favourite spots by teatime i had calmed down , i accepted it could have been worse and although £240 is half a weeks wage its not damage that is irreparable
at one stage yesterday afternoon i was contemplating going completely gung-ho with a grand so i am glad that didn't come to fruition
also had thoughts of putting £200 on a football team to win or draw again luckily i didn't because they lost 3-0
gambling takes so so much from you and not just financially ..... the level of distraction it causes is insane
its no surpise people lose entire decades of their lives to this addiction
3 hours disappeared yesterday as though it was 30 mins !
anyway need to get my a**e into gear and make up for the work i missed yesterday
will check back in tmorrow
Day 3
kept myself busy yesterday so had little time to think about gambling some minor thoughts about chasing losses in the morning but managed to squash them
hangovers not been as bad as i thought it would be ,complete waste of money so just tightened the belt a bit financially until payday
would like to say i'm looking forward to the weekend but not a lot happening so will probably end up working on my business
as long as i stay off them god forsaken online tables its all good
Hi Max. Just read your diary. I'm a newbie and on day 22.
Have you put all the blocks in place like the gamestop for 5 years and self exclude for every site just incase it doesn't cover it?
You have shown that for 1 whole month you managed to stay gf and then you undone your hard work. Is this because you haven't got all the blocks and if so you really should put them in place because you would of overcome that urge if you wasn't able to access an account.
Keep up your hard work again ?
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