LONELY

Day 27

Finished work early today,my normal reaction used to be to rub my hands and think now iv'e all afternoon to gamble .

Not today ,I decided to go for a long walk and a long overdue haircut.

Whilst walking my mind wondered back to gambling,not the urge to gamble, but the effects that gambling has had on my life.

Forgetting the money aspect for a while,over the past 12 months I have virtually become a recluse,declining numerous offers to socialise with friends and attend events.For what?,to sit at home in my gamble bubble,my next goal is to rekindle relationships with my many friends whom i've ignored and let down on so many occasions over the years.

Till tomorrow Dino

Hi Dino,

Yes , we lost a lot more than money, we lost ourselves,

Thanks for sharing, and tomorrow you will be 4 weeks free from it, stay positive because you are winning now.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Day 29

Thanks for the hug Em much appreciated xxx

Well nearly a month!, and feeling so much bettter in myself,even the OH says i've been chirpy over the christmas period.

Only 1 new years resolution : to stay gamble free for as long as possible

Dino

Happy new year Dino,

Keep that strength you have going through into the new year....

All the best

Ade

Day 31

Day 31 completed but I really miss gambling ,if only I could control it. I used to really enjoy Saturday's but now it just seems a battle and not one i'm really enjoying.

Hi Dino,

34 days today, well done, keep going and keep winning.

Suzanne xx

34 days

Not posted for a few days but still gamble free,been feeling down and sorry for myself,not sure if it's gambling related or not.

I .came across an old friend at the weekend among a crowd,the conversation turned to gambling to which he commented on how I had lost my business due to my gambling.

This statement shocked me to say the least,whilst my gambling did have a negative effect on the failure my business it is something that I have never admitted ,even to myself untill recently.

I changed the subject quickly as it is still something that i'm ashamed and embarrassed about.Apparently I was'nt has clever in hiding my gambling habits has I had thought.Strangely enough the gambling urges returned !

I awoke the next morning with that dreaded feeling of a massive gambling loss, even though I had not gambled.

Still trying to make sense of it all , don't know if it makes sense ,maybe that's the reason I feel the way I do.

Still gamble free Dino

Hi Dino,

Keep strong my friend. Stay positive and ride these feelings out. It's all part of the process...

One day at a time....is enough....

All the best

Ade

Thanks for your post Dino

No Problem mate.

Just hang in there and ride it out.......it's a great feeling when you beat it......

Keep strong

Ade

Hi Dino,

I had these strange feelings quite a lot in the first couple of months, where I would wake up and think I had done something wrong ie gambled but I hadn't, horrible panicky negative feelings, feeling guilty,low and sad, I did post it on my diary, when I did have these feelings, I still get them but not as much now, it is part of the recovery process, not nice, but it does pass, just push through it, you will feel stronger once it passes, we have to remember how this hideous addiction, deep fried our brains, its going to take time to heal our minds, you will feel so much more positive when this passes, I had these feelings last Saturday, I don't get them much now and they weren't as strong as they were n the first couple of months, hang on tight my friend and ride through it, you are doing just fine.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi DINO, heard you were having a tough time & just wanted to drop by & offer my support! I have not captured the daily feelings in my diary like Suzanne has but I had them for sure! Waking up convinced I had been gambling & unable to lift my head off of the pillow mortified! The urges will come whenever they think you are vulnerable & whether it was a home truth or not, it's pretty irrelevant now as that's all in your past! They grow weaker as we grow stronger & you are growing stronger - ODAAT

Day 36

Still hanging on in there,been a tough week or so.

But your not going to beat me this time ,2015 is my year.

Dino x

Hi Dino,

Well done for hanging in there, and getting to 36 days, yes 2015 can be your year, stay strong and positive, and focus 150% lol,

You will feel really good soon.

Suzanne xx

Hi DINO, thanks for dropping by...The mixed emotions/mood swings, call them what you like is an early side effect & they are horrible! Enough for some people to go racing back to gambling to replace them with what? Guilt, anxiety, shame to name but a few!

You have not done that, you are strong, weather the storm & they will subside! You are doing what you have promised yourself for so long - ODAAT

Day 38

Well another Sat successfully negotiated , been a little easier this week .

Feeling a little better in myself ,although still feel some thing is missing in my life.

Dino x