Lost the plot on day out in Bridlington 19-7-18

Hi Stephen! Oh ...! So when I went to counselling their opinion was that a compulsive gambler can manage their gambling and their money. I beg to differ. Did you manage better when you had money on a supermarket card? I'm always asking my cg how can you help someone stop? He says GA, and don't carry/ have access money. Alan always talked about the triangle, time, location, money. I don't have the answer, I wish I did. What I do know is living just for today. Going to meetings helps me stop being a crazy person.

Day 1

Thank you Merry go round for your advice. Hope you are keeping well and enjoying the summer.

I can put blocks in place, attend meetings and hand over finances. However, through past experience I know i can get around these measures when I choose to gamble.

I am always looking to turn my life around. The despair and hopelessness which I sometimes feel can leave me confused, miserable and at my wits end but I cling on to the hope that maybe this time I will get it all together.

I just need to be a better person. A man of good character and integrity who will stand up for what's right and proper. Sometimes life can get me down but I need to just accept that there are things I cannot change. However, there are things in my life that I can alter and that is where I need to show more courage, inner strength and understanding.

I fell down, I got up and now I try again.

Hi Stephen, I know ur going to heaven mate that's for sure. Ur a very kind person, heaven all the way for u.

​

I don't go to church as such but I know heavens real and theres definately a spot for you.

​

Thank you for that vote of confidence Adam.

As I put on your diary but than deleted; "I hope I get a few hours in heaven before the devil finds out i'm dead." A bit of tongue in cheek humour I read somewhere.

However, we are dealing with serious issues and are aware that we can make our lives so much better by ridding ourselves of compulsions and addictions. To have a good quality of life I believe we need to be the master of our own destiny, which can help us to realise our full potential. Good choices and decisions can lead us to a better way of living and adherence to a good set of values can support us on the journey.

Stephen, you say you can get around the blocks if you really want to gamble. I have handed over my finances, I am just just curious as to how you ended up with money. Did your friend give you back your card.

Anyway day 1 again, not really sure what advice I can give but always hoping you will beat it.

Day 2.

Thank you greenflash for posting on my diary. I appreciate your advice and support.

It was not really working out with my friend having my bank card because I drew £50 out from bank one day using my ID. It was for a good reason and I mentioned it next time I saw her but she was a bit suspicious and it ended up with her returning the card to me.

I am going to work harder on making myself more responsible.

I am meditating frequently using a buddhist mantra which I enjoy.

Keeping busy with almost daily visits to the gym for a swim and a bit of socialising.

Salsa dancing once a week and a social evening with my friend who was looking after my card.

I think maybe this time I have finally had enough and can at last put a stop to the gambling.

Hi Stephen just offering support and compassion, please don't think you're not a good person etc Gambling doesn't care if you're good/bad etc but you owe it to yourself to have peace of mind and consistent calm, gambling will never give you this. Happy Weekend my friend S x

Thank you Sharon for your advice, support and kindness. I have replied on your diary.

Day 3 gamble free. This is a new beginning for me. All my failures are in the past. I now have a renewed sense of hope and determination coupled with a genuine desire to stop gambling.

My aim is to knuckle down and complete the Guru Challenge which requires 300 days free from gambling. I believe I have what it takes to do this if I can just stay focussed on the job in hand. Just one day at a time...stephen

4 days now with n'er a bet - ending the pain and sorrow

Gamble free today means peace and joy tomorrow

This sad mirrored face told of anguish and strife

And led me to realise I must change this life

Wishing you all the best Stephen.

Remember, it wasn’t long ago that you hit 6 months gamble free.

Draw on your experience from that time and remember how happy and guilt-free you felt during that period of abstinance.

It’s time to show plenty of resolve and determination. You owe it to yourself.

Best wishes mate. Dan

good luck stephen, treat you day in Brid as a (painful) lesson why abstinence is the only way.

loving the poetry by the way, I did one ......

when the gambling bug tries to sow its evil seed

turn away and think of shameless corporate greed

when the urge to play strikes night or day

take the power back and push those thoughts away

when the gamble free days start to accumulate

you wonder how you ever were in this state

for when youre gamble free the sun shines bright

the sky's more blue and your worries are light

its a spiteful, nasty , lonely condition

set yourself free ,push on with the mission.

Hey Stephen,

There's no doubt that little beast will always be there at every oppurtunity, forever sitting in our unconcious mind.

You have shown that you can beat it before and you can and I believe you will do it again, that beast is just getting angry now because it wants that control back, it is lonely and needs to get back into your life to ensure you every heartache, pain and suffering that gambling can bring, I believe it thrives on that.

It's your life not the beasts and however many times you need to start over, so be it.

You are and have been much stronger than you know, every day without addiction is a good one, even if it's only one.

Best wishes,

Angel x

Thank you friends for your kind words which will spur me along on my journey.The three of you are doing really well in staying gamble free for so long. The first forty days are very difficult but you are all well past that now and heading for a better life, free from the insidious influence of gambling.

Dan...You seem to be so much better equipped this time for the struggles you will encounter. I love your positivity and determination and am impressed by the practical steps you have taken.

Shake the disease....Thank you so much for the poem. It brought a smile to my face but also highlighted three important issues; 1/ We have been and will probably continue to be tempted by dark forces which care not one iota about the misery inflicted on us. 2/ It is best to turn our backs on negative thoughts, urges and influences and embrace all that improves our general well-being. 3/ By staying gamble free we can be liberated from the madness of compulsive gambling, our lives can once again have some meaning and the future will be ours.

Angel...You are doing so well and I am proud of you. Despite being plagued by doubts, misgivings and uncertainties, you have stood your ground. I think sometimes we need to have a little blind faith and just stick to the belief that remaining gamble free will enhance our quality of life, improve our relationships and have a positive impact on those around us.

Hello Diary... Day 5 is here and i'm alright - off to Salsa fo a dance tonight. It is a sorry state of affairs but I don't have any money until thursday so I have the choice of texting my friend who runs the class to ask if I can pay double next time or turning up and saying I left my wallet at home. I don't want to miss the dancing as I am away next week visiting family. Also I don't want to embarrass her or myself plus I want to support her class and also I like to socialise with my Salsa friends.

I should have thought of all that last thursday when I was putting my money in the roulette machine. It brings back sad memories of all the social occasions I have not attended because I was glued to a fobt machines or had lost what money I had.