Congratulations on the birth of your second child! The best reason you have for not gambling.
119
No gambling.
My relationship with gambling has definitely changed in the past few days. I've lost a little of the horror that I had when I first came on here, obviously because my finances have improved a little. I'm hardly out of the water though, with £11k of debts and at least 2 years of repayments to make. It's more like a treadmill now though, rather than a mad dash to cover tracks and borrow money, and that is quite boring for someone like myself who is, I guess, a 'results now' kind of person. I wish I still I 'milkmans' diary to read, it would be horrific in a good way to taste the fear I had 5 months ago.
That's not to say I'll be gambling anytime soon - I won't. Tonight would have been the classic time - wife in hospital, older son in bed and me alone with the computer and a couple of beers. What drives me on now is the knowledge that I have become a better person since I stopped - certainly the money's important, but what I mean is that I'm not as anxious as before, and I'm not wearing a face to borrow money / lie about money / snapping at the OH or son...etc etc. I wish I didn't have to bear it alone, but I'm convinced (at present) it's the right thing to do, so I rely on this site to air my feelings. I've stopped posting as much on other peoples' diaries, which I suppose is why I don't get so many posters on mine, but I do read almost every day and keep myself in touch with what's going on.
Day 121
No gambling today
How you use these diaries to help you cope with your recovery journey really is up to you.
Glad to hear that you are still going strong and running well on the 'treadmill'.
GT
I hope all is well and that you are still gamble-free. I imagine you are busy looking after your new baby and I hope everything is going well even if you are not getting much sleep! I know what you mean about your recovery being like a treadmill. I am rather bored of it myself. Once I got through the first 100 days I felt I had achieved something, but now it is just plodding along one day at a time and it feels quite dull. Still, everything would be much worse if we were gambling. At least debts are coming down rather than going up and I feel healthier and more relaxed as a person. I see my debts as a punishment for my out-of-control gambling binges last year. I am not sure if this is a good approach or not, but it seems to be helping me at the moment and is stopping me from going back to the mess I got myself into last year.
Day 128
no gambling
No time to gamble at present. Not only do I have a new sprog, my workload has increased somewhat. I dearly wish i hadn't gone off on a binge last year, as the debts are really taking some shifting - there's so many things to buy on a daily basis, despite the fact that I try to do as much as possible myself (DIY, growing veg, basic car repairs etc). Just paid £150 to get the hot water mended. My debts are stable, but not coming down at present. This new batch of work should start to make a difference in two or three weeks.
Separately, I have started missing gambling a little. Bad bad bad, i know. Not going to do it any time soon, that's a fact - haven't even got time or opportunity. It won't leave me, though.
**edit - juggled debts slightly today**
Debt 1 - £5,950
Debt 2 - paid off
Debt 3 - £1k
Debt 4 - £2,850, Cc
Debt 5 - £500 CC2
Overdraft: £870
Opening debt: £13,000
Current debt: £11,270
Last gamble: 31st Oct 2011
Could you merge Debts 3, 4 and 5 onto one interest-free credit card? You could probably stooze your overdraft onto the same card too. Of course, it depends on what credit limit you would be granted. Try the Post Office Platinum Card - it has the lowest stoozing interest rate on the market. I am just thinking how you can reduce interest payments on your debts. You will feel more comfortable once your debts are below £10,000. I certainly did and am now looking to get mine below £8,000 over the coming weeks.
Well, a stroke of good fortune today.
My Dad - Debt 3 - said tto forget the £1k. I felt like an idiot, of course - a 42-year-old bloke with two kids shouldn't be taking charity off his mid-70s father - but my dad wanted to do it as a gift towards the new baby, and to ease the family finances. I refused, but he insisted. I really do feel like s**t,
I don't deserve it and I would have managed without; however, I have taken it in the spirit it is intended, thanked him profusely, and I promised myself that I shall certainly not gamble again - my father, my children and my OH don't deserve it.
Debt 1 - £5,950
Debt 2 - paid off
Debt 3 - paid off
Debt 4 - £2,850, Cc
Debt 5 - £500 CC2
Overdraft: £870
Opening debt: £13,000
Current debt: £10,270
Last gamble: 31st Oct 2011
When (and I mean WHEN!) you are flush again, I am sure that you will go out of your way to treat your loved ones.
I know I will!
GT
Pelle - debt 4 is my Virgin card, 0% on £2,400 of it til Sept 2013, so no need to change it. Debt one is a standing order at (only) 4% interest, so tthat can stay as it is.
hope I can chip away at the other debts now that debt 3 has gone..
130
Been out with a friend (female) who has split from her OH. She needed a shoulder to cry on; I've known her 20 years, and she chose me.
When I split from my ex I went on a gambling bender and blew £10k. Tonight brought it back (the memory, not the money unfortunately).
I'm a non-gambler these days, though.
How is life treating you? Is the baby behaving itself? I hope all is well. I am very worried about the next couple of weeks. I want a healthy baby and a healthy wife at the end of it all, but getting there is making me worry and I cannot concentrate on my work.
10k? Blimey!
Just remember that you will NOT get that back by chasing. You already know this but we all need to be reminded don't we?
GT
134
No gambling. No money, no chance!
Hi Jim,
Many congratulations on the birth of your baby son. You must be so proud and i guess you will never want your children to have gambling in their lives so that's all the motivation you need to stay away from gambling. Big well done on your continued progress and i'm sure you'd agree that living a normal life away from gambling becomes easier as the abstinence grows longer.
Keep going strong my friend 🙂
Keith
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