Lots of kind words on here, thanks for those. Need to post more on other diaries as part of my recovery, but really busy at the moment. Got a friend coming tonight who I see only twice a year, he's staying for the weekend so there'll be another sort of bender tonight and tomorrow (ie alcohol). Looking forward to breaking the routine, it'll do me good. Scrimping suspended for 2 days
Hi Milkman,
Hope you are feeling better and looking forward to your weekend with your friend.
Keep positive and focus on the future because you can shape your own future, what's gone is gone....
All the best
Ade
Friend just gone. A good w/e.
Done a debt check. Depressing.
ready to start my recovery. Will post more tomorrow
the milkman.
fella that weekend you just had i am sure will be repeated.
more frequently with abstinence.
The debt is a symptom of our addiction, but not the greatest factor. One way to look at debt is f**k who doesn't have debt? and addiction uses debt to suck us back in.
Each day we abstain we don't add to our debt.
I hope you can draw a line in the sand too my friend.
Time to enjoy recovery.
the gift you gift yourself, for no cost and it never stops giving.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hi milkman,
Glad you had a good weekend. Up and at em ? will look out for your posts.
Take care
Blondie
Day 6
Musing today...
I found myself thinking about how I am going to move money from here to there to pay this debt and and reduce that debt, and how I was going to save this and spend that this week in order to bring down the bills etc etc...
I'm sure that part of the gambling problem originates in this desire to micromanage my money. In a sick way, I'm enjoying the challenge and the 'power' of making all these decisions. Let's not forget, I am seriously in debt and I calculate I will need two years to recover; yet still I find myself obsessing.
Well, if nothing else, the battle to reduce my debt will be good for my health. No drinking alcohol unless in a group, and no meals out or junk food unless it would be antisocial not to. Luckily my OH likes cooking, as do I, so it won't particularly be missed.
I'm trying to save £200/week to put towards my debts, which isn't easy when I didn't seem to have the money before. It's unrealistic, but these first few months are the most important while I get my debts down to a manageable level. £6000 is interest-bearing at present, so that's priority number one. If I try really REALLY hard, I can get rid of that by Easter.
You will be surprised how quickly you get your finances back on track once you completely abstain from gambling. You are probably still living in something of a fantasy world when it comes to the value of money - I remember that lasting for a few weeks, but once it goes then things get easier. I remember thinking: "I've only got £500 left in my account; that's not enough to bet with". At that stage I was chasing losses and staking at least £1,000 per bet. I gambled well outside my means - probably turning over more than £10,000 per week. Sickening. I am now back in control and aiming to see out the rest of 2013 without another bet. I hope you manage to do the same. Keep posting on here - it's good to get your thoughts and feelings off your chest, especially as you haven't told your nearest and dearest (and nor have I). Good luck!
Hi Milkman,
Keep chipping away at the stone and eventually it will be no more.
Small steps as always to the bigger picture.
Make your plan and stick to it and although its important to tackle your debt try not and obsess with it (easier said than done i know).
Once things settle down try and start to enjoy your recovery.!
Keep close to your diary .
take care
blondie
Slowly the wheels turn. No temptation. Paid £180 into the bank today, towards my target of £200/week. Lots of unexpected bills presenting themselves.
14 days now.
No urges. Feel spent this time.
The money is ok; all my free cash is spoken for, but I earn enough to slowly chip away at the debts.
In the last 12 months I have been 8k up on 3 separate occasions; I have a decent system in my chosen poison. Unfortunately, I can't handle 'the power' and have to make bigger and bigger bets. Inevitably, I crash and burn eventually because I increase the stakes to stupid levels. I still can't manage to write down the stakes I've been playing for. all the profits have been wiped out, and a further 5k debt incurred. I'm lucky it wasn't more.
Still feeling sick about it all. It will take a long time to recover from this one. I just hope my family's day-to-day living is not compromised. I think I can just about manage to avoid that.
milkman.
A wiser fella than me once asked this question to a new member at my local GA who couldn't see past his next bet.
which is worse??
The millionaire who wages five figures a spin or the labourer who took the last five pounds he was given by his missus to go to the laundrette and wash the clothes, to which he went to the bookies instead and of course lost it all just like the millionaire???
the answer is they are equal in there severity and outcome.
the monies staked are simply the fuel to feed the addiction.
without doubt progressive in it's nature the stakes through time get raised to eventually unmanageable measures.
for the compulsive gambler there are no systems or safe ways to bet, because to a man we all live by a code.
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
With honesty you have to put those losses behind you, the money is gone, any wins a bookmaker gives are to us temporary loans, we all know the interest we pay back.
I leave you with this apt joke i tell my addiction when it dares raise it's head.
how do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire??
Start him a billionaire!!!
Duncs stepping forward never back.
keep making the right choice my friend.
no bet today.
Hi bud, I logged on here yesterday but could not bring myself to post, I guess I felt I could still make it work, well a day later, I am. I had 50 min in the bookies today after work before I had to collect my son, I scraped 200 quid off a few cards and at one stage was up 800, still walked out broke. No win is ever enough because I can't stop.
The debts are crazy this time....
Anyway if your still going strong and I pray you are I would like to join you for a bit of the way. The last time I made a real effort at this i made it almost 1 year and did see the finances improve a little, you were there too.
So I guess tomorrow is day one, first target is one week.
Chat soon bud,
Pat
Well done on getting through the first couple of weeks. You want to save £200 per week having paid your regular household bills etc? Wow, that would be a great achievement. I am trying to allocate one-third of my net monthly income to debt repayments (anything more than that compromises my life and my family's life). I would love to be debt-free by Christmas, but it seems unlikely. I need to maximise my additional revenue streams and minimise my outgoings (within reason). So do you. Keep on the gamble-free path and you'll get there.
Thanks pelle. Only managed £80 this week, been a tough one, but done 3 x £200 already. Have a good earning week coming up so will try for £300.
Started thinking about my losses and what I did, but can't write it down yet. I'm treading water financially - bad, bad situation but just survivable. If I maintain my current chipping away of the debts, I will be in a better place after Christmas with one CC paid off. That's my current aim.
Hi bud, good work on getting that cash put by each week, would not take long at that rate to see improvement. The treading water is tough and painful, I have a lot of it ahead of me.
Feels good to be even back on here talking.
I have a very long road to go but am ready to start.
Take care
Pat
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