Lost the plot...so back.

Hope your weekend is going ok for you.

Keep strong,

Pat

Not a lot to report. I am resigned to not gambling, and I'm OK with that. The binge has come to an end, I was broken good and proper (after being several thousand up - and one INCREDIBLE act of stupidity, surely ranking with the most idiotic on this site, which I have yet to come to terms with and write down), and I have no desire to gamble at all.

I have more better-paid work this year, and only 6k of my debt is interest-bearing (until Nov next year, at least). It means that I will be able to chip and chip at the debt. The 6k should be gone by Easter. Then I have the other mighty wedge to go at - probably July 2015 is my closure date.

Ironically, If I had chosen to save at this rate without paying off my gambling debts, I would almost have cleared my mortgage off by the same time, which was half the reason for gambling in the first place. Such are the choices we make.

Hi mm, am in this foe the long haul, gambling again is not an option, current circumstances are as bad as it can be. Wife got very limited detail last time, has no info this time, having said that it is going to be hard to keep this too myself as finances are so bad.

Will be setting targets on here and keeping them, first being a week, know your well ahead of me which is great but Christmas would be a massive milestone for both of us.

Pat

Paid another £250-odd into the bank so far; prob have another £100 tomorrow.

It's amazing how much cash I have sloshing around when I don't gamble.

Looking good on the cash front mm, it surely is amazing how quickly cash appears when the gambling stops. If we can get a few months under our belts the financial situation can only improve.

Keep positive

Pat

A reality check today about how big a mountain I've got to climb to get my debts down.I paid £200 off a cc today and, of course,it hardly dented the total. Still, I've spent the last 3 weeks sorting out my current account, and that's just in credit now. Will just have to be one bit at a time. The value of money has returned to me.A few weeks ago I was throwing around thousands like they were small change. I checked my current account today and the last few gambling transactions were on there. They made me sick when I read them - £500 here, £1000 there etc etc. The invincibility cloak we wear when on a run is truly a dangerous thing.

It's about 3 weeks since my last blow out. I'd spent 3 months accumulating a large total and blew it all on one night, in about an hour and a half, plus some more. I shook and sweated all night in bed, obviously didn't sleep. The only good thing about it all is that I knew that night that I couldn't go on that way. I love the games - but I can't control the betting. I just can't stop myself increasing the stakes.

Looking forward to getting rid of my debt now, the old-fashioned and reliable way.

That's exactly how I felt after blowing £6,000 in a couple of hours one Saturday afternoon. Sick. Ill. Heart pounding. Sweating. Shaking. I don't want to go back there.

Hi bud, hope your doing ok, I read back on my diary today from when we started back in 2011, I an struggling to get that same sense of determination to stop, back then I took a positive out of every day that passed and felt stronger day by day. I don't even feel convinced myself this time that I can make this stick for very long...... What is wrong with me, I have massive debts, am struggling to pay bills and provide for my family yet I still think about having a bet... This surely is the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result...

Hope your in a better place than me at the moment,

Pat

Are you okay? Haven't heard from you for a couple of weeks.

Fine Pelle. will send you a PM shortly.

The odd flit of a thought about gambling, but nothing close to tempting me. I am home alone for the 3rd time this year - the previous two, I ran my life around gambling and money. This time, there is just a dead awareness that the gambling times are over, finished. I'm still avoiding thinking about it all, which is good in a way, I'm focussing on other things (currently finishing the bl**dy bathroom while the OH and kids are away).

The payments I've made towards the debts seem to be having no effect. I mean, they ARE literally having an effect, but it is so small as to appear unnoticeable. Need to get a good 3 months under my belt before I see some significant impact. When I pay off my CCs I intend to close them one by one.

No emergencies at the moment; heavily in debt, but able to tread water at present. Time to being in the black - two years . Can't see it being much faster than that.

I don't hate gambling. I just know that I can't do it rationally. Feel strangely calmer about it all this time. I think that some of the highs, and the sweaty/twitching low, of recent times have made it very clear to me that I'm addicted to chemicals pumping around my body. On the odd occasion, I was even able to detach myself from it all and look at it like a scientist might study bacteria that swarm and multiply in a drop of water (apologies HGW). I don't like being a slave to it.

Early days,but feeling positive

Good to have you back, I know what you mean about the calmness alright. I think this time 2 years ago when I started here it was the first time I ever openly talked about having a problem, I think that at the time I felt it was rock bottom and things had to change, I think I realise now that rock bottom means nothing to me, I have spent over 20 years at this cr**, ups and downs, half focused on my real life but constantly sneaking around to gamble, hiding losses, blowing winnings on cr**. I know it has to change, I have to make it happen, there is no magic fix, this site is great but it will not cure my illness. Maybe there is no cure but I have to try and make this work for my own sake and the sake of my family.

Christmas is a great to work towards.

I know what you mean about the debt moving very slowly, I think it will take me 4 years to shift if I can stop gambling.

Let's move forward and things will get better.

Pat

Promised OH I would finish the home improvements I started last Dec so today had to shell out £500 on the last few 'bits'. That wasn't part of the plan, but how could I say no? A few weeks ago I was throwing around grands like they were confetti...

It's hard to see my 5 weeks scrimping blasted in half in one go, but I won't gamble for it. It crossed my mind briefly, but I pushed it aside.

Depressing.

500 well spent bud. It will feel good when all work finished. I have more half finished jobs in my house where I blew the 500 instead of what you have just done.

Hey Milkman,

Thank you so much for posting on my thread.

I am not sure there is much weight in the "worst gambling experiences" thread, although I see no reason why we, if we are that way inclined, can't laugh at just how ridiculous our actions have been. For me this is therapy in itself.

I did want to point out that the worst gambling experiences do not necessarily relate to the act of gambling itself but the sheer aftermath and effect it has had on those around us. These will effect me for a long time. I do not have to gamble now to feel its negative effects, I am confronted with them all the time whether it be not being able to find a clean school shirt for my boy because he does not have enough or when I look at myself grimacing in the most recent holiday snaps!

By the way are you a real "milkman? I, unfortunately, am no "marksman!"

Best

Mark

Went to pub yest with a couple of friends,to watch the footie.I am not a fan particularly, although i am a fan of decent beer, hence the visit.

One friend had £20 on the 'Rooney first,England to win' scenario. He is not a gambler, just a 3 times a year on England matches gambler. He won at 5-1. It made the hunger come back, even though I very rarely had sports bets.

I didn't gamble.