lost the plot..

Morning,

Sounds like you have a plan. Let us know when you install the betfilter? I'm sure you will be really proud of yourself when you have put this block in place.

Take care...Jas x

Afternoon everyone

Thanks SA and Jasmine for your replies.

Well i asked my line manager at work if it would be at all possible to get an advance on my next wages and i will find out today if thats an option, if successful should have something paid into my account by this friday..heres hoping..

Had to use washing up liquid today to do some washing, ain't been down this road for years but thats how bad things have now got. This is once again what GAMBLING has reduced me to, it takes everything from you once its dug its claws in.

Yes i'm determined to install betfilter as soon as i can, hopefully this friday if i get that loan, if not then i'll have to wait till the 25th (payday) should be paid a bit earlier cos of Xmas but as soon as i'm able to i will definitely be installing it, will keep you updated.

Also need to sort out BT, got them on my case over unpaid bills don't want to lose my internet. Got so many bills/loans to pay off its hard to know where to start

Well a new month is here and this is another fresh start for me, i'm 4 days clear today and the fight continues.

Best wishes and takecare everyone

Just want to add a quick something..

Was Just browsing other posts and i came across comments made about posting specifics in recovery diaries.

I am fairly new to this site and want to "apologise" if i have gone a bit too far with the content of my posts.

I was just genuinely telling people what i had done, i have no one else to really talk too about my gambling problem and i just opened up and let rip, let it all out.

I didn't know or think that what i was writing would upset people i was just telling my story as it happened, just getting it all off my chest as i found by sharing it with others helped me an awful lot.

Once again my apologise to all, it will not happen again (we live and learn)

best wishes to everyone on your recovery

I have read your blog and can see we have the same addiction - I cannot stop until I have lost every penny. I have 2 daughters so I am sick at what I do. It's disgusting,

I would love to help you in your recovery by posting and supporting you and would really like it if you could do the same for me?

x

Morning all

Just got in from work, was told today i can't get an advance on this months wages so got to struggle through till payday. Been doing the same for the past 4 months so another 1 ain't gonna make a whole lot of difference, and as this is going to be the last time i'm in a mess like this i think i can handle 3 weeks.

Taking everything just a day at a time at present but looking forward to good times again with a few quid in my pocket.

I'll also have to wait till the 25th before i install betfilter. It'll be my christmas present to meself.

Was in touch today with BT and British Gas over unpaid bills (spent ages going through all the hassle of press 1 for this, 2 for that etc, etc) but managed to buy a bit of time, will sort them out come the 25th or sooner if my wages go in early so thats a huge weight of my mind.

Feeling quite good and happy with myself for some reson or other, works as busy as hell but it gives me something else to focus on which is a good thing.

Thanks Ade and Borgie1 for your replies. Borgie that would be great, i'm yet to reply to anyones diary but if we can help each others recovery that would be fantastic.

Right got to get some kip i'm shattered, just arrived at the 6 day mark without a gamble "AGAIN" and although i'm skint i feel really, really good.

Takecare everyone keep strong

Tomorrow i won't gamble

Hi Londonbloke,

How are you doing?

Jas x

Well i've been at it again..

Can't seem to get past 10/11 days without having a gamble..

I rushed home from work today knowing that i'm off for the weekend and all i wanted to do was gamble, was thinking about it all day..just could'nt wait..i even fell asleep last night thinking about how i was going to win back some of my losses of the past 5 months once i got home..

Never got the advance from work that i asked for but got 400 from elsewhere...the interest is sky high but i needed a quick fix to pay off a few things , but did i pay them?.. no, i went off on one again and have just blown the lot..Its been sitting it my back pocket for 3 days, i didn't touch it till today untill i quick cashed it and "BANG"..gone..

I'm trying i really am.. ok i know someone is gonna say why did'nt you block the web which i should of done but i have it in my head that as soon as i get a little win i will. Of course this never happens and i blow the lot.

I am sick to death of on-line slots, hate them more than anything yet i keep going back??

Sorry i know people want to hear/read of people beating this but i can't seem to do it long term..

2 weeks now till payday and it's been spent already 3 times over..I can't see a way out i really can't..

sorry just had to get it off my chest..

Tomorrow/today i won't gamble cos i'm totally skint.

Best wishes to all... (i hate myself for what i've done again)

Hi Londonbloke

You are going through a bad time at the moment kid.You are strong and you will come through it.Sounds like you started gambling for fun then from boredom but now you feel that one big win can get you sorted.Im sorry m8 but it really doesnt work that way. I dont know why but it always seems the more you need the money the crueler it becomes.I know when i gambled (im talking like im cured now but far from it m8)if i needed £1000 to pay off something i would either put £250 on a 3/1 or £200 on a 4/1 it wasnt really what i thought would win it was just the ammount i needed to win.

I can see how much you want to stay gamblefree and i know you can do it. I had some great advice when i first come on here Londonbloke What is done is done you cant get it back let it go. Once i realised this it helped me on my way . I hope it will be the same for you m8.I will keep an eye on your diar. Come on kid it does get easier once you have something to show for your hard work.All the best Jeff.

Hi Londonbloke,

You remind me of what it was like for me when i was in the thick of it. Accquiring money to pay off a few things..not!.. accquiring money to gamble with... cos gambling was all that mattered. Your gambling head is in control of you at the moment. have you had enough yet??

The end game is that you run out of money completely, no finance place will touch you, you will have alienated friends, family and accquaintences.. and trust me when that stage is reached as what happened to me.. life enters a whole new world of orribleneness.. theft from employer? prison? insanity? and then the ultimate rock bottom.. that needs no name.

It doesnt have to go this way for you.. you can stop the rot at any point. Finances can be stabalised however bad.. Ga meetings are a plenty in London.. free rehab is an option. Do what you have to do to stop yourself gambling... it up to you. Keep safe.. S.A

Hi mate

Read your post today, about going back to gambling, I am probably not in a position to offer great advice, and I know you must be feeling awful right now. Thing is you just have to accept it was a mistake and you will put it right, starting today. The past is past you cant change what happened yesterday, but you can change the next day and so on and so on.

It will be hard and i cant pretend that in a few days the urge and desire wont come back, im sure it will but you can do it mate, day at a time look forward not back.

Wishing you the best of luck

Morning all

A few people have said that i need to find something else to fill my time with to help aid my recovery from gambling, especially when i'm on my days off work.

Well i've spent the entire weekend tidying up my flat from top to bottom, was only planning to do the bathroom but sort of got carried away and ended up doing the whole place, had a break here and there but quite enjoyed myself doing it!

Think when i've been gambling i seem to let things slide, can't be bothered with them, same with cooking, its takeaways all the time cos i've always been more interested in chasing that buzz of the gamble and don't want to spend anytime away from the computer prepairing a meal...Its mad ain't it, just takes over..

But not these past 2 days, Kept myself very busy, cleaning and cooking, i even found 10.38p in loose change here and there which keeps making me laugh when i think about it. Of all the money i've blown over the past 5/6 months its hardly a fortune but i'm actually over the moon, kinda feel like i've had a win without actually gambling...(maybe i'm just going nuts).

Anyway i did think about going over the road to the "devils playground" and quick cashing the tenner but then i thought NO don't do it so i didn't. Feeling rather pleased with myself as well for not doing so too.

So back at work tomorrow for a 5 day shift, survived this weekend ,next weekend i'll be a year older and although my lifes in a worse state than it was a year ago i really think its time for a new and fresh start to everything.

Have a good week everyone, keep strong and best wishes to you all in your recovery.

Takecare..

PS...

Thanks jeff, SA, Backforgood and Jasmine for your advice, support and very kind words, it means so much.

2 days clean, tomorrow i WILL NOT GAMBLE.

(added this to my diary at 9.26am thursaday morning)

4pm wednesday afternoon, things are all loking good, was working till 12.30am been a while since i last gambled..

Arrived home at 1am (tubes all over the place, running late, signal problems)

1.40am checked my bank balance..and my wages are in..

2.55am blown the lot..

3.17am off to the shop for a bottle from the tips i made during the past 5 working days.

3.30am drowning my sorrows, feeling very very low

3.55am logged on to my internet bank.

4.08am got a 2 GRAND overdraft just like that.(how i don't know cos i owe em a grand already but after applying for an extension to my overdraft they cleared it??

9.30am broke and P******* blown the extension that i applied for and now i'm on another planet

9.34am (xmas eve) and surely things can't get any worse

9.40am.....oh yes they can i'm supposed to be working today(24th) but i'm hammered no fit state to drive so got to call in sick..

9.45am in a total world of my own, and i no longer give a t****

9.55am pour myself another drink

10am (just 9 hours after i got home from work , my life is turned completley upside down because i just could'nt help myself....stupid b****** mindless idiot i am)

10am and onwards...drink ,drink,drink. it ain't the answer but by god it helps ..

Things ain't been good these past few months and after tonight i have just made everything a whole lot worse..

end

Ring netline...you need some support londonbloke....you got any friends or family you can have a chat with? Put that booze away and have a sleep if you can..booze is a depressant and will make things seem whole lot worse.

Please post an update...worrying about you.

Jas x

Jasmine thank-you..

I'm still on 1, but i have spoken to an adviser from gamecare (on-line), helped piut things back into some sort of order

No family, in care since i was 4 days old, have a partner but think i've worn her down to the point where she no longer gives a t***.(and i don't blame her)

Am arranging a 1 to 1 with a counseller so heres hoping...

still drinking like a fish but i need something (told my counseller the same) to block out the pain..

Not going to lie i'm in the thick of it, and at this moment in time i'm in need of a very large one with no ice..

Had to ring work today and lie to them, say i'm ill and can't make it in today (lying b******* i am) cos i've had 1 too many and i drive for a living...how bad is that??

Happy christmas to all and best wishes for the coming New Year..

Takecare

Jasmine..once again thank-you for your support

hi londonbloke

i am in same situation. got paid early last friday. won £500 so thought it'd be ok to buy something special for the gf. bought her a diamond ring with winnings and some of my own wages. thought i could win a little money to boost my balance a little after that big purchase. ended up losing the lot. now i have 2 weeks off work. it should be a happy occasion for me. a chance to unwind and spend time with friends and family, a chance to do fun stuff. but instead, i will just sit here rotting, filling myself with guilt, shame, regret, despair. i promise to myself that next year will be different. but how do i get to that point? i cannot afford to eat let alone commute to work, pay bills etc. was drinking last night too after work and slept in until 11. woke up and had 4 missed calls and voicemail saying my emergency loan payments have failed. got two texts inviting me out for a 'cheap' meal at nandos and another to go out to celebrate New Year. all i have done today is lay in bed watching tv, trying to figure out how i will survive the coming few weeks. cannot even ponder looking beyond that right now. my only comfort is in knowing that i am not the only one suffering. misery sure loves company. i hope that we can make it through to 2010 ok mate. please keep us updated. i will look out for you. best wishes g