lost the plot..

hi 28black

Thanks for your reply to my post, i'm there with you, we ain't alone with this and god willing we can all beat this ,but i'm struggling with it at present. Its got me by the you know whats and my heads all over the place at the mo.

But you/me ...and all of us can beat this

Merry Christmas to you and to all that read this post and heres to the New Year ..I for one can't wait to say goodbye to 2009.

Takecare

hi londonbloke

Merry Xmas first of all. It may not be as Merry for all of us. But it gives us a chance to reflect. I know we may have done this umpteen times before. But it is time to draw the line. Last year I was in the same situation. I had booked a holiday to Egypt with other half yet had gambled all of my wages so did not have any spending money. This year I had promised so many that I would be making an effort to get out there and socialise but now that is not possible as I can't afford petrol, meals, gifts etc etc. Instead, I will be sat here calculating my budget for the month and working out how I will make £40 stretch to pay all my bills, train tickets, food, rent etc until end of Jan. For many this would be rock bottom and the only way is up. This would be the deepest point of despair which would give others the resolve never to let their lives come to this point ever again. Yet I have had so many of these situations that the Eureka moments have begun to fade.

I think we have to think of others we are harming. We may not care and may like being self-destructive. But is it fair for our loved ones to suffer. I am 29. I have lost the last 7 years and probably the next 4 or 5 due to repaying my debts and not being able to plan for a family, mortgage, travelling around the world etc. But the light at the end of the tunnel is that after those few years, I can have a life again. In the short term, I will not have to worry every single month about how I will cope with just £x in the bank and 4 weeks til payday.

I don't often pray, but I am now doing so and hope that God will protect us from doing any more damage to ourselves.

All the Best

G

hi londonbloke

Merry Xmas first of all. It may not be as Merry for all of us. But it gives us a chance to reflect. I know we may have done this umpteen times before. But it is time to draw the line. Last year I was in the same situation. I had booked a holiday to Egypt with other half yet had gambled all of my wages so did not have any spending money. This year I had promised so many that I would be making an effort to get out there and socialise but now that is not possible as I can't afford petrol, meals, gifts etc etc. Instead, I will be sat here calculating my budget for the month and working out how I will make £40 stretch to pay all my bills, train tickets, food, rent etc until end of Jan. For many this would be rock bottom and the only way is up. This would be the deepest point of despair which would give others the resolve never to let their lives come to this point ever again. Yet I have had so many of these situations that the Eureka moments have begun to fade.

I think we have to think of others we are harming. We may not care and may like being self-destructive. But is it fair for our loved ones to suffer. I am 29. I have lost the last 7 years and probably the next 4 or 5 due to repaying my debts and not being able to plan for a family, mortgage, travelling around the world etc. But the light at the end of the tunnel is that after those few years, I can have a life again. In the short term, I will not have to worry every single month about how I will cope with just £x in the bank and 4 weeks til payday.

I don't often pray, but I am now doing so and hope that God will protect us from doing any more damage to ourselves.

All the Best

G

Hi all

Hope you all had a very happy Christmas.

Mine i'm sorry to say was a complete disaster due to yet another slip up but thats it for me now, NO MORE...

I've lost count how many times i've said that since i joined the gamcare site and it must be 1000's of times i've said it in my lifetime but i can't do this anymore i really can't...This is killing me

This madness has to end, and for me Christmas Day 2009 was and will now be the last time i EVER gambled.

I've Got myself into loads more debt with my bank, blown all of Decembers wages, missed a day off work (that i had already been paid for) and for what ? ..... Sleepless nights, stress, lies, hurt and terrible guilt.

Well i'm not going through this s*** anymore, Christmas Day 2009 is a day i will never forget for good and bad reasons, the bad i've already mentioned , the good being that from the end of that day my life finally took a turn back on to the right track.

I had a long chat with someone from Netline on the 24th, blurted out just how i felt, was very drunk and if i'm honest can't remember too much about the session. But i do remember receiving lots of support and advice on options for the way ahead, also just talking to someone that understood what i was going through helped me at that time no end ..so would like to say a huge THANK-YOU to net-line, and i'm planning to speak to them again to go through some of the options open to me.

I can't afford "betfilter", (which i did want to install) in fact at present i can't even pay my rent but i am hoping i can sort something out with that so i can start to rebuild my life. I have though self excluded myself from all the main places close to me where i have gambled in the past and closed all my on-line accounts and put a block on them so i can't access them for 6 months.. (they gave me that option when i called them and it always only ever seemed to be 3 on-line sites that i would keep gambling on , chasing previous losses i think, anyway they are all blocked)

Was also back at work on the 26th/27th December, been paid already till 1st Jan but at least i'm back in the saddle. By the end of March i will hopefully have paid back what i lost in just that 14 hours of madness then its on to the rest of what i owe and theres plenty more believe me, but as each day passes my goal gets closer and the light gets brighter.

Ain't gonna be easy, i'm gonna struggle like hell cos i know i have tough times ahead, i'm just thinking about tomorrow ..one day at a time.

Sorry to go on a bit , needed to get this down so i can look back when i need to.

Thanks for listening and Takecare all.

ps....thanks 28black for your kind post, can relate to everything you mentioned, best wishes to you, and everyone fighting for our lives against this...

Hi Londonbloke

clearly you have had another sleepless night(posting at 3-36 am).Sorry to hear about your slips and bad christmas, but i can see positives there m8 christmas day will be the last time you ever gamble. londonbloke as you know i have bet for 30 years and many times i have tried to stop 3 months being the longest i have ever done. 1 more week and i will equal that.Differnt people have different ways of dealing with this addiction.I myself have not self excluded or got betfilter on because i feel at the moment i dont need them and they are another option for me if the going gets tough.My greatest help is the people on this forum. You all understand how im feeling . I do as you said on my post try to reply to everyone and try to relay any advice ive been given.You see as far as im concerned im in the top 10% of the longest gambling addicts on here.30 years is a long time(i know there is longer than that).But i feel if i can stop after all that time that there is hope for everyone.There are peoples diarys on her which i read that have been gamblefree longer than me and i stay in touch with them recieving great advice, there are others just starting out who i relay that advice to.Londonbloke your diary entry today takes me back to my first entry have a read of it then read a couple of my last entries. Im a much happier person now without the gambling. You will be the same in 3 months time because you will not gamble.You said youself im not going through this s**t anymore. I feel you have honestly had enough you can beat this. All the best kid J eff.

Hi Londonbloke,

Have just read your recent entries. I can see your in the s**t in a very similar way to how i use to be in the s**t. Must admit my first thought is for you to have your wages re-directed either into your girlfriends account (if thats an option) and then have money drip fed back to you or into a cash card only account. With a cash card only account you cant gamble online but can have your usual standing orders, d/d's etc and you cant get an overdraft.

The danger you might face is that your bank will will close your current account when your wages next go in and then farm any remaining unpaid overdraft off to a debt collection agency. This is what happened to me. The banks are naughty like this.. they no exactly what your doing with the money.. they see a profit from you in the long term.. until the day they don't.

Take action to stop yourself gambling .. what are you going to do differently next time you get paid. Its plain for everyone to see that you have had enough. Rehab always an option.. fresh start. Keep yourself safe.. S.A

Hi londonbloke,

I don't post on many people's diaries but I do read them.

Don't ever forget how s**t you felt on Christmas Day 2009. Come here often and re-read your posts.

You can stop this. Everything you need to change your ways is at your disposal NOW

It sounds like a cliche but one day at a time is how you must approach this. With everyday that passes gamble free you have achieved something, and you will slowly begin to feel better and see positive effects.

It's hard and the road is long but you can do it.

Hope I don't sound too preachy but I reading your recent posts was upsetting and I felt I had to write something.

Best wishes to you

hi londonbloke

I too was touched by your story, reminds me of situations i often found myself in, its easy to say we are stopping, but as we know its very very tough...of course we dont want to P*** all our money away, something just makes us do it to ourselves time after time.

Hopefully this christmas is the wake up call you really need....and from friday forget 2009....new start and all that, of course finiancially its still with you, but that can be sorted with some careful planning....just no more hard earned cash to the online casinos.

Truely wishing you are good 2010 gamble free my friend.

Morning All

A huge thank-you to Jeff, S.A, f/2.8 and NNS again for your very kind words of advice and support

Got a day off work today, been up since 5am had another bad night what with everything running through my head, and as i normally work 4pm-12am i've only had a few hours sleep.

But i know this is all part of the healing process. I know that as the days past and i move on from this things will get easier.

I wish i was working today though, think thats the first time i've ever said that.. lol .

So now i've got to fill this huge empty space, find other things to occupy my spare time i'm reading plenty on here which is a huge help in itself, but think i'm gonna pop out for a long walk later and maybe get a book or 2 out the library (something i ain't done for years now).. I guess these are all things that "normal" people do. Also got various people to contact reguarding financial matters that i can't run away from so guess i'm gonna be busy after all.

Will be 4 days clear in a few hours, reached this point many ,many times before, but this time i'm "never" going back.

Have a good day everyone, takecare, keep strong.

Londonbloke have read your story has really touched me, I really hope you manage to stay off. Did you know there's a gamblers anonymous meeting tonight (on wednesdays) at 8PM in hammersmith, if you're in sw6 you're not far why not go along - its in Bradmore Park Road, if you google gamblers anonymous then goto the site then click on meetings then southern section you'll find the details. Its run by a really good bloke & could be a great help to you. Its free to attend.

Been where you are with the online sites Londonbloke.....

Would disabling your PC help, that seem sto be your main problem. You could still access here through Library or cyber cafe.

I have read (on here) you need three things to gamble, money, opportunity(time) and the want. Remove as many of these as you can and see yourself as having freed yourself from this monster.

Hope this does not sound patronising (not at all the aim) - never met you but and worried about you.

Good luck mate.

Hi davey

Thanks very much for your reply

I have thought many times about attending a G.A meeting. Many posts i have read on this site have said it has helped them no end. I didn't know that there was a meeting there though, and its another option for me to think about.

One of the problems for me is that i work evenings, i'm working 4pm till midnight tonight and again tomorrow and its almost impossible to find someone to swop with as other people i work with have familys and want to spend that time at home.

I will check out the website when i get home tonight and give it some thought. I do get days off of course which are different each week so its sure something for me to think about

Thanks for the advice

Got to dash got to leave for work soon

Takecare all ,5 days clear for me in a few hours.

Hi Londonbloke

Its been a mixed bag for you since I last posted eh? On the plus side is that you are showing some resolve at the moment. We know how fragile that can be. I haven't got the money to gamble right now, in fact, I haven't yet figured out how I will survive the month ahead. But I was waching the Lotto draw the other day and seeing the numbers just reminded me of the roulette table. I began placing imaginary bets in my head and I felt a strange sensation coursing through my body like some chemical reaction was occuring as a result. The urge to gamble is like a sleeping lion. You may be ok for long spells but at times it can catch you unaware.

My gf has asked me to meet her during her lunch break tomorrow as we have not seen each other much lately. It has already got me thinking how I can take £2 and perhaps turn it into £5 so that lunch won't be just a bag of chips.

This is a reminder of how easily it can be to fall back into this trap. We may try to fool ourselves by justifying small bets as insignificant. This is very dangerous and we have to be strong and resist all opportunities to gamble. We can do it. We must!

Hello

Thanks seenthelight and 28black for your replies.

Well its day 6 for me today on this, the last day of a terrible year. I for one can't wait to wave goodbye to 2009, although in time i hope to be able to say in fact it was a good point in my life ...It was when i finally woke up from all the madness and began to live my new gamble free life.

And thats just what i intend to do.

To all reading this, I wish each and everyone of you a very happy, peaceful and gamblefree New Year.

Heres to 2010, a fresh start for many of us, we can do this..we really can

God bless and thanks once again to everyone on this site for all the support and advice through lots of very difficult times.

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL...

hi londonbloke, if you'd like a free site blocker email me at davey dot is at virgin dot net , this works with all browers just tap in the site addresses you want to block.