lost the plot..

Hello LB

Big bud, you in same hiding place as me? Hope tings are still on the Up and even in worse case scenario, theres always the up again...........

Wishing you Strength and honor..............

exmug

Hello Diary

Thanks for the posts and the encourgement everyone, means a lot so thankyou..

Day 88 today

If i'm honest looking back to yet "another" fresh start and "another"day 1 a few months back, it just sometimes don't seem real that here i am on my day 88..

I guess after years of failure your mind plays all kinds of tricks with you and at times you even think that theres no point in even trying because it surely won't last so you have really lost the fight even before you've began..

But the penny finally dropped and i had to cut out all the cr** and really REALLY want to do this, really want to stop, instead of just writing page after page of rubbish after each and every payday..

Well i finally learnt that you have to be 100% commited to this, i don't think i was before..Yes i wanted to stop all the pain and hurt and stress, etc..etc..but i never gave it everything, i never put serious blocks in place to help me beat it, which i now have done..

So things are looking better, days have turned to weeks, weeks to months and hopefully months will become years..

Yes its a big ask and a huge thing to say i guess still so early into my recovery but thats how i'm feeling at present and i think thats a positive step.

Things finacially are still bad, still got the debt and all that stuff hanging round my neck, but i'm working pretty much solid at present, getting any shifts i can and clocking up the overtime like a man possessed. But i'm sleeping better, feel better within myself, have even began smiling again, yes i am seeing a big difference as the time goes by..

I like a few others on these diaries hope to totally debt free come December time and as it eats away at me the sooner its gone the sooner i can really move on..

So onwards i go, like a headless chicken at times but i can honestly say..I'm making progress and thats really all that matters..

Just want to also say... NEVER EVER stop trying to give all this up..YOU will get there be it the first or the 100th attempt.. You can and will beat this if you are determined enough..

Keep strong, keep focussed and lets all march forward together..

Have a great week everyone

Takecare

Morning,

Well done on your continued determination to beat this addiction.

Was going to mention two fat ladies , but would that be appropriate lol

Have a great day, it's hard working endlessly to clear the dept, took me 8 months working 2 jobs, but I got there in the end. Hope you still get the chance to treat yourself , even if it's a 99

Dusty xxxx

Yo LB

Superb to hear from you and great the battles continuing on kicking tis gambling ball s**t......

Thinking atleast with my self, that just giving up the gambling isn't just enough. Its also about getting our lives back, easier said than done, but thats where i think the determination needs to come in to it. Works a great distraction but thats really all it is, we get caught in the ball S***e of work and forget what lifes about....

Rambling here but my point is, work to live. All credit in reducing the debt mountain but also so important to put some aside to enjoy for your self. I knew by my self would go yonks head down a**e up on the work front and then just lose al the hard work in a gambling, pissy couple of days. By doing this atleast i considered i was living, hurting maybe but atleast for them couple of days i wasnt the robot i'd been making my self..........

Freedom and make pals with life.......#

Stregth and honor..........

exmug

Hello Lb... am just passing through. No wisdom from me today. My head is like a fried egg after getting battered by a client. But just wanted to thank you for your support. Loved your last post. progress for sure. Onwards my friend onwards. Cheers... S.A 🙂

Hi Lb... its me again!.. hows recovery going? Ive had one drunken gamble this year but otherwise am back on an even keel as far as not gambling goes. Update when you get a chance matey. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Hi Lb... your story is am exceptionally good read. You write like a pro. Am sure many people miss your posts I know i do. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Quick Update..

Things here are not good at all.

I'm back gambling all and everything i can get hold of and to be honest at this moment in time i really just no longer give a toss...

i'm at that point again where money just has no meaning at all...a hundred, a thousand , what ??

it just don't seem to mean anything all over again...

All the bloody hours overtime that i put in week in, week out..i've been blowing the lot in minutes...

Of course as always with me the drink has taken hold as it always has done ....

the more i lose , then the more i feel sorry for myself and so i drink and on it goes, its that same old vicious circle that i've been a part of so many times before...

I'm drinking again, like a fish..(on my secong bottle of brandy just tonight and i was working till 12am...its not good..

As usual as i'm doing it, well i'm lost in that tiny world where nothing else matters...

Not an update i wanted to write but this is where i'm at...

while typing here i wanna quit...When spinning that bloody button well its the last thing on my mind..

you either want to quit and do something about it ..or you don't..

At this moment i guess i just don't ..

how bloody sad is that..

2 days off work now..would usally work one of em as overtime but i just can't be bothered this time around...

whats the point..its gone in minutes..

its not a good read but its where i'm at....

Hi Lb.. Honest as always... thats a good thing. Nothing to be ashamed about... you have an addiction just like the rest of us. When your ready to start over you know where we are. Thoughts are with you my friend.. thoughts are with you... Take care.. S.A

SA is right, honesty really is the best policy and by coming back on here you really are showing that you really want to change your ways.

Have you thought about seeking help from Netline or any alcohol related helplines? There really is no shame in doing this, they are there to help people who are in real need.

Just stay strong, eh?

NT

Hi Lb... I don't mean to sound patronising but you did a good stretch this year...gamble free! Be proud of that acheivement. You can do it again mate. Life gets better when we don't gamble.. you know this. All the best... S.A

Hi Londonbloke, any chance of an update? Your diary is one of the best on this site.

Ditto!! ... time for an update Lb... hope your ok... S.A 🙂

Will treble that ditto

Its been almost 2 years and 4 months since i last wrote anything down on here...

In that 2+ years its like i could just carry on from where i left off in that last post...

Lots has happened from that day to this which i when i'm in a different frame of mind i'll fill in a few of them gaps, but its not been good ..

Why now after all this time ?....Been reading again for a few months, tonight tho i needed to say something else my head will bloody explode..

Tonight again i have gambled