Metamorphosis

Moring Dragonfly,

It's so early in the morning here that the sun has not even come up yet. I am always here across the way standing on a windy beach -- some days counting stars, on others collecting shells, and maybe once and a while screaming into the wind like a crazy woman --But, through it all please know that all of the time I am here waving back at you my dear, dear, friend. -joanxxxxxx

Thank you so much Rach and Joan as feel you really understand me.

Captain, such a courteous response, although I'm afraid the bit about being a follower made me crease up. If only you knew, suspended from school, marches in London in the sixties, union strikes and so it goes, life would have been so much easier as a follower.

It is clear everyone on this site is a unique individual and all we can do is be a sponge absorbing every possible aspect of achieving our goal whatever that may be. Methods will be as unique as those trying them and for me who has never set foot in a betting office my only way to stop is to stop, as once inside a casino the first note becomes one of many, many more as the beasties take over even this strong mind.

Day off today, the mist has lifted on the river, out to dinner tonight and already phone calls from friends, life is good, anger abated for today and I am breathing again.

Hey dragonfly,

It's only my opinion, but i think you are such a big asset to the forum and every post i read from you i can see a very wise person behind the screen. We are on different journeys going about the issues in our lives, but hey it's the same goal we are reaching for.

Very big inspiration, thank you for sharing.

Have a lovely day

Sandra x

Hi ya Dragonfly... glad to read that your breathing again, its good to breath! 😉

Life problems eh on and on they go. Better able to cope with friends at your side. Have a lovely weekend... S.A 🙂

TY Sandra and SA, friends support is invaluable to me.

One of our team left last night and we all met for a meal (sadly the one manager we all have problems with didn't attend as would have been a good 'bonding' opportunity). Had a brilliant time although didn't join the youngsters clubbing after despite their coaxing. Just love the way we all interact, different ages, different levels of responsibility but all respecting each other as individuals with unique personalities. We are thrown together in a very stressful profession but find time to help each other and spend time together outside of work as well and I do realise how lucky I am in that I can count them all as my friends.

Needless to say I was also happy to return to the solace of my river retreat which again made me realise I have the best of both worlds.

Noticing how often we speak on here about losing the value of money and liking the way Milkman spoke about wasting 50 vacuums this year. Really puts it in perspective when I think how many new cars and how many heating boilers or holidays for my children I have P***** away in recent years so must keep this at the forefront of my mind.

Kenneth teaching Kenneth Jnr to fly today for the first time, soaring overhead down the river, cant describe the sound but an amazing sight.

Just as Joan's video shows for today it really is a wonderful world.

Strength and happiness to all.

D,fly

Funny as I type the introduction I always have to delete it, as monikers are different here than in text.

Glad to see your evening went well, a truly great thing to be able to enjoy the things in life that opportunity provides without it resulting in us emptying our wallets.

I to laughed at you being labbelled a follower, again the way folk are percepted is one of lifes many wonders.

For me I have the fortune to have been enlightened by sharing life in the 3d world.

Keep making the right choice for you.

As it is yours to make.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey dragonfly,

Thank you so much for your post. I hate to put bad stuff sometimes, but it really helps to look back and see how i felt that day. Every day is different, and you are right we need to enjoy good ones as much as possible.

I'm glad you had a lovely evening yesterday, friends can only affect recovery for the better:-)

Every time i read your posts, it calms me in a strange way..maybe because you talk about living near the river...peace and quiet...medicine for heart and soul:)

Thank you for sharing

Bless your heart

Sandra x

Hi DF

I'm just popping in to say "hi". It sounds like things are going good on your riverbank.

As you know, I've always enjoyed reading your posts and continue to be a bit envious of your eloquence and descriptive language. I've enjoyed reading your recent posts even more as I sense there's an aura of "peace" around them.

Take care

Irene

x

Hey DF

Thank you for understanding my frustration and also sadness..

When I saw the talent the ex had with figures, business strategies and also enthusiasm and tenacity to work at something for 14- 16 hours a day in focussed attention, I thought what a waste of potential.

Imagine if that effort were applied to something that benefitted others or improved peoples lives who were struggling? ..even if it were still sport related , what about the joy that could be given to kids or even handicapped or disenfranchised kids if he invested or tithed an allotted amount per month to funding some kind of project or using those skills of calculation ,formulation,the best deal etc to gain funding plus the chance to be involved in giving something back ..

Anyway...you get it , know you do ...and to think all that potential just went to line someone else's pocket eh? It's a travesty.

R and D xxx

Hi DF

Please never apologise for anything you write on my diary.....its all valid and allows us to connect on a different level. Its nice to know that my "ramblings" strike a chord and so useful to acknowledge that daily life can have a profound effect on our gambling thoughts/habits.

Offload wherever. whenever you need.

Take care

Irene

x

hey DF ..

Just to say thank you again,..and blown away with the work you have been involved in ...you know ,.with the talent on this forum just imagine what is lot could do if we all went with our strengths ????!!

The cash I've wasted on yet more clobber,boots and shoes could have bought a blummin centre by now but definitely made a difference to a deserving local charity and one that involves people too on a human level.

Dropping black bin bags off at charity doors is a good feeling but not as could as actually getting involved with the end users..

With all this talent we could run a small kingdom ..plus have the cleanest crockery in the land with my amazing kitchen hand skills ..lol ..

Your one amazing lady DF and the next time you feel a bit low I shall copy and paste that post you sent me and remind you of just what you have accomplished ..

R and D xx

Glad ya had yourself a good day. Not enough of them out there.

Thank you I will reply when not so tired as keep losing my entries into the ether.

Realised today how much progress I have made. Yesterday actually allowed the young guy helping me to get garden and boat shipshape to work on his own without watching his every move. I don't mean in a pervy way I mean without worrying if he does a better than perfect job.

This comes from being critical of myself, not others, and is the cause of my ending up in chaos as I would try to do everything myself to get the perfect result. Throughout my whole life I have never been good enough for 'me'. In my teens my family would almost cry in frustration when I tore up paintings I had done because one tiny area was not up to my critical eye. I became anorexic, taking drugs to be the perfect size and shape. I took way too many risks to achieve my goals compounded by being in a 25 year relationship with a partner for who being critical was 'saying it like it is' before I realised that was just his view.

To keep the family home I took on three jobs and took a second degree whilst updoing a large dilapidated house and caring for two children. I was wonderwoman but still not good enough for me despite several proposals of marriage and much more.

So the outcome is that I cannot delegate tasks, I have to ensure they are done properly to a degree of perfection, this applies at work too which is why I struggle so to get everything done.

Yesterday, sorting a box out, a photo of me many years ago fell out and I was asked who is that? I am not that person any more and I need to accept that I can no longer be a wonderwoman, not a wonder anything and understand at long last and way too late in life that perfection is not what is important. People are important, peace of mind is important, balance is important. As you kindly say Rach I have achieved a lot and I need to graciously acknowledge that fact and move on.

My worst attacks of gambling have been when my self worth was at its lowest and I had to drown out my own voice telling me what a failure I am. I have family, friends, a beautiful home and many many memories, I have made some horrendous mistakes in my life but I am not a failure and will not let the demons tell me so.

May well delete this tomorrow but felt ok to say just now.

http://youtu.be/KRzMtlZjXpU

message to me

DF, What a sound and inspiring post (((DF)))

That's it girl, you are heading to the right direction. Love reading how much positivity you got. Fantastic!!!

I'm sure you know the saying - " Progress not perfection"..

And just look how far you got!!! Love it love it love it

You are a real shining star and deserve all the best:-)

Keep up the good work

Sandra x

P.s. Love Black Eyed Peas xx