Mike's Diary

Hi Everyone,

I've read quite a few users diary's and think just writing my problems down could help greatly.

I'm a 26 year old cumbrian man with a girlfriend and 8 month old boy working away from home through the week. My family are the focal point of my story really, if it wasnt for them I wouldnt be doing this as I think I'm in control of this addiction. I have a very addictive personality with everything I do, from cricket club activites to...gambling.

The turning point in my life and the day I realised how bad I am, was the week at work when I got paid spent all my wages and had to go home to my family, living in her parents house as my house is being heavily renovated, and tell them I'd spent all our money that we've worked so hard to earn. The week following was the lowest point in my life, I felt so disgusted with my selfish thoughtless actions that led to letting my family down.

Since then, I have calmed down but this last week I've started just putting the odd £20 here and there into a machine instore, (I've self excluded from pretty much every online platform). This has led to colleagues at work telling me about offers on some websites for upcoming games and I tried to use my girlfriends details to set up an account to "get in on it". My girlfriend found out and we've just spoken about it all, I feel as low as I did a couple of months ago, I need to let go of this addiction drowning me but unfortunately I cannot swim alone. My girlfriend just tells me to stop it but I dont feel its that easy. I have tried quitting before but everyday I thought about gambling. I know its the right thing to do for a better life for everyone around me.

I need to do this.

Thank you for reading this far,

M, x