Thanks for the replies again to the people in the introductions forum.
It is early days, but truth is, I have no money in my bank account at the moment, so can't really gamble. I am (was) an online gambler, like most these days. I have cash and am not in the slightest tempted to walk into a bookmakers at all. Gambling for me has all ways been a solitary thing. I was in the zone, escaping, not really understanding I was just being a coward, putting my mind elsewhere but on what have been issues in my life...and it all started on a whim one night. I can't believe it. Everything has a beginning. Just the words of some fool going on about betting on horses (which I have never done btw). I hate various forms of gambling, the ones that have lost me the money over the past few days i.e. Blackjack, Roulette etc. I wouldn't have normally have played either, but did and only recently after losing a sports bet. I naively thought I'd win back my money. I'd played the a few times before but never lost as much money as a I had some control over my gambling...but I became erratic and the adrenaline kicked in. "Just 20 more quid...and another...etc." I thought this extreme and stupid gambling was behind me. No. It happened again. What an idiot, but a wake up call. I continue gambling, lose control....the cycle continues. My main gambling vice has always been poker without a doubt. I played nothing but poker for a year, lost hundreds, and totalling it up, lost easily 2k+. Just recently blackjack and roulette, games I saw a dumb as there really is no skill involved have crept in. I lost 120 this week playing this garbage. As I lost more the thought occured that maybe it was time to stop. That is why I am here. With poker I gradually lost money as the games go on and on, but with roulette and blackjack it was instant. It really hit me this week. This cycle has to stop, it will get worse, there are better things you could be doing with your time. Read a book, watch a film, go out, exercise, a bike ride, see family, see friends. Do something, but not this.
Just recently while playing online roulette I was chatting with a guy in the sidebar. I'm play red or black really, with a pound plus bets, he's betting hundreds. I type 'How much have you lost' He replies '1000's, I lost thousands'. It shocked me that people could be so stupid, but I felt for him as I was no better with my small bets.
Anyway, time to give it the elbow. I won't deny despite the pain some of this gambling has caused me, I will miss the football betting. That's me being honest. I have had a few silly bets, I won't lie, but I'd feel partial to odd bet... though if you've read the above, you'd realise that it was a sports bet that has led me here. That wretched cycle. I am a problem gambler. Was a problem gambler.
.....
I had a great start to my diary here. Wrote out about 400 plus words about today and my thoughts and feeling towards gambling on what is an important day this is for me. I lost it in the ether of the internet by clicking enter or something. Part of me, being lazy, thought only for a second that I shouldn't bother after making the effort to write out so much. The top portion of text I saved but my Day 1 diary entry is gone. However, this is day one and from today I'm not gambling anymore.
-Alex
Get the blocking software on mate for ya comp pronto! b4 payday!
but u sound like myself, i love a football bet (use to anyway) but i realised that that was just an excuse to go in the bookies to play the machines. also i use to do the lottery aswell. But again that had to stop as it just added up getting more tickets.
But now im 2 weeks free from it (no expert i know) but it jst feels awesome havin the money in MY wallet instead of it all being in the bookies Machines!
Hi Alex
Welcome and well done dog starting a diary it's a great way to log all those thoughts and track ur progress , the support and advice on here is amazing and will help u so much with ur recovery
Pay day will be key it's much easier not to gamble with no money then that day arrives and the mind can start to trick u into thinkin u can control it and the cycle begins again , so plan that day and put all the blocks in place to prevent that from happening
Read as many diaries as possible take strength knowing ur not alone and we do understand how u feel , the best advice I always come across is take it one day at a time and stay very close to this site esp when the urges come it as saved me endless times
I wish u all the best
Castle2
Not gonna lie. Yesterday was hard. Had I had any money I probably would have gambled it like a fool. My big problem has always been poker, I've spent hours and days playing it and am fairly good, but even better players end up losing. Anyway, Poker I wanting rid of. I can play for fun and with no money and enjoy myself but playing it online is what started me off and caused my compulsive gambling. I must have logged in 100 plus time last month for a game of poker. It got really bad. Constantly making deposits, winning, withdrawing, then depositing, losing, more deposits, chasing and on. I looked at my online statements on one of these sites that will remane nameless and I'd deposited over 300 quid playing poker! I hadn't lost all of it but don't think I'd won anything. What was the point. I never needed to gamble, didn't need to gamble. Yes, I don't earn much, but it'll be even less If I continue gambling as I'm self-employed and it gets in the way somewhat. Poker has to go. And these Blackjack and Roulette games, no more. The live casino games online with the Eastern Europeons? Anyone familiar with them. People lose money left right and center on these bloody cons. It has to be rigged. For a start...Why eastern europe? Why? Why won't these big UK gambling sites employ the Brilish people and hold these live casinos in Britain. My theory, is the fallout from this giant con would be massive, so have it all done in Eastern Europe somewhere. It's a bad as those FOBTs. Maybe Its not rigged but still, no more for me. I've had it with that cr**. So poker, Blackjack, roulette, slots, etc...no more. Football betting, will be the hardest to give up. I will be strong though. Making sure my pay day next month goes no where near these bloody sites.
-Alex
Day 2...gamble free. I actually have a few pennies in the bank it turns out. Not much. Much less than last week. probably 10-20 quid. I know not to gamble it. Am withdrawing it tommorow to prevent me from doing so. Having money in there is tempting. I keep thinking about the football yesterday, and the what ifs..."What if I did that bet...I'd be minted" and also thoughts I have a lot of having a time machine and going back and putting all the best bets on, knowing the results in advance. This must be common thought in gamblers... Like Back to the Future 2, I suppose. Anyway, these 'What ifs' seem to be the thing that is my hook that has had me going back. I need to understand that and let it seep in. If I don't I could easily fall back into my old ways.
My first big loss....
It was only £70 pounds. I'd gambled it away over a period of two days of poker. I walked outside feeling numb. What had I done? I swore I'd never be so silly again. I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me.
THE HOOK....
What if I could win it back...My Big loss of £70 became a bigger loss of £400-500. As I write that it concerns me. Why have a I had my head in the sand for so long. Why did I continue gambling. This happened between April and May last year. In truth, there was a lot happening in my life at the time and I wanted to escape from it. I chose to escape through gambling and quite quickly became an addict of sorts. No. Definetely an addict. It was doing me harm and I continued. Wise up, Alex. You're thinking this through now and it's good to be free of it.
-Alex
Day 3...Gamble free. Feeling good, sort of. My urge to gamble isn't there. Last month I'd have been playing poker, wasting my time and money. Today I f****d around on a video game and wasted time, but no money. I definetely need a new hobby, something to focus my time and energy on. Fishing again? Cycling? I actually bought my PS3 to stop me gambling. Hmmm...It didn't work then, but works now. Yet, a waste of time.
-Alex
Day 6....Gamble free. It's still early days but I feel I made the right move. My outlook on the future has change for the better knowing I won't be gambling. I may also give up smoking, which would be pretty sweet to add to my life without gambling. Gambling actually led to my starting smoking again, so it's a sensible choice. Tomorrow it will be a week since I lost a my money. I'm still peeved at myself, but that loss led me here, so I'm happy at a loss. Gamblers aren't ever happy losers so I must be doing something right. *pats self on back*
The past is in the past and you cannot do anything about it.
What you can do plenty about is your future.
And by continuing to abstain from the evil gambling world, your future WILL be bright.
A great start in your recovery journey, keep it up!
Don't forget to get those blocks in. Self-exclude, K9, etc.
NT
Not gonna lie, felt that urge to gamble just a moment ago, thinking about the football. I'm happy to say I did not gamble and will not today.
Hi Alex. First, congrats on your first week out of the gambling fog. Keep fighting those urges. They'll pass in time. Think of the alternative, another bet...small or large( we all gamble beyond our means) leads to another one which all lead to the same feelings you had when you were writing your first post. Someone on here said 'gamblers never win and winners never gamble'. Take it one day at the time and put all your strength in not gambling that day. Keep strong Alex..
Urges will still come and go.
It really is up to you to keep making those right choices.
And you are right now, keep it up!
NT
Thanks for the words of encouragement, it means a lot to know I'm not alone in this. I'm doing okay and didn't gamble yesterday, nor will I today. Overall I'm on the up and positive about future. The f**s will be next go this week too.
Cheers,
Alex
hi Alex
welcome to this site, and well done on your achievement! i wrote my original diary back in april and done really well, saved lots of money and went out few times a week with hubby and kids, got out of debt, finally that dark cloud lifted but the last month iv'e been back there (not as bad as i was) but luckily i no the signs :(( i will be on day one tomorrow and day by day i will do it! i want happy hol back with a purse full of money 🙂 good luck on your road to recovery your not alone we are all here for the same reason wether its online slots/poker/horses we are all still gamblers
i look forward to following you on your journey of happiness! Hollie x
Thanks you Hollie. I feel I am getting somewhere..I'm seeing through the gambling illusion if your like. I can definetely see myself not playing poker, blackjack, and roulette again that's for sure. The hard one is the sports betting, or more specifically, bets on my teams. I've always found it adds to the excitement of the game...hmmm....or not. My team won the other week and my bet was for a draw..I hated my team. MADNESS. Thinking it through, the sports betting has to go too.
Still, I haven't gambled for 8-9 days and don't wish too at the moment.
I'll get there.
I'm also giving up smoking, which I started again by playing poker way back last years. Two vices soon to be out of my life.
well congrats on getting threw the weekend. can be a hard one if ya like them sports bets. sounds like ya floating on through and way to go.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
