Moving on..Day 1 and on

Day 11 (I think)....Not gambled. Feel so relieved I came here to get through this. To everyone who has given me kind words of support and encouragement - THANK YOU. It really has made a difference. I'm sort of seeing gambling like I saw it before I started becoming a compulsive gambler, which is that's it's not my thing, but the way of the mug. I'm actually very happy at the moment and can not see myself gambling at all. Before I started gambling, I had a lot going for me, then I started and started to lose it. I know now I was an addict and fool chasing a win or many, many losses. Money is the root of all evil. I'll agree with that. The pursuit of quick money without working for it is the route of your self-destruction, might ring truer to most gamblers and ex-gamblers though.

Though it has brought me down over the last year, to the point of despair and depression, being away from it of late and knowing I can be free of it, makes me a very happy soul. I had my head in the sand for so long, I still can't quite believe what I did with my life. The endless poker sessions, days and days, sitting there, smoking away, hoping for the right hand, then losing and losing in life. Was this my life? It was, I'm ashamed to say. Head up and time to move on.

Day 13... Gamble free. I feel okay but tempted to put a bet on for the footy on saturday. I know I won't though.

Is it okay to bet every so often? Or am being dangerously daft thinking that? I WILL NOT BLOODY GAMBLE. It seems being here just killed my urge.

- Alex

Day 14...Gamble free. Two weeks since I snapped to my senses and realised that I couldn't continue the vicious gambling cycle that I'd been in for the past year and a half. Very pleased to be here on gamcare today rather than on one of those horrible gambling websites playing hours and hours of this or that, and untimately winning, losing, chasing and ending up broke. I'm positive I won't be gambling despite the temptation to put the odd bet on. I feel if I put that one bet on, I could be back in that cycle and end up back at square one.

No gambling.

I feel good, positive, as though I have more control.

Overall, good to be free of it.

My thoughts over the past couple of weeks have been focused on gambling a lot of the time, but not always in a bad light. It's been good thoughts. Good thoughts about knowing I not part of that world anymore. I won't play poker for money, blackjack, roulette and bet on sports. I am better person for not having wasted my time and money on these insidious vices. I will not give up and will fight my urges and move on in my life.

Yesterday, I walked past a bookies. I've never been in one and never want to either. My gambling had always been online. They seem to have a lot in the town I live in. My town fits the bill though for these theiving s******s. That is high unemployment, low wages, desperate people, drugs...poverty. Anyway, as I walked past I glanced through the window at some poor soul playing one of those wretched FOTBs. It was a woman, she glanced back as though I pierced that bubble gamblers get. She looked desperate. I didn't know what to think.

Pity?

Day 16... Feel upbeat and positive as I'm still gambling free.Still feel tempted to bet on a Saturday, but haven't. Can say for sure Poker, blackjack, and roulette are behind me now though. Would it be wrong to have one small bet on my team every so often ? Or am I a fool?

Hi Atk85,

I can only speak for myself. I'm a slot J****E and I know if I put in one penny that I will empty out my entire bank account. Most of us on here have tried to place that one little bet for fun. For me it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I'm a gambling addict for life and will never be able to gamble for fun. I learned that the hard way. Take care. Stay strong and I will too. -joan

hi there

Thank you for the feedback....You are both very right, and now I feel like I don't need to that risk. I came here through a small bet, a single ten pound deposit that turned into a 2-3k loss. From that perspective, I need to see it just isn't worth my time or money. Thank you...will be strong and see this addiction out of my life.

-Alex

Day 17...gamble free. Felt tempted to bet at the weekend but didn't and don't plan to next weekend. I feel it would be one foot back and I desperately want this gambling cr** behind me. Doing well, but need goals for the future, something to focus on.

Day 18...Not gambled, however at the weekend came close. Thankfully I arrived back here and the urge died. Am feeling great but need self-discipline when payday arrives at the middle of the month. I will save not waste.

I'm struggling today. I have a little bit of money in paypal, not much, but enough to throw away on a gambling site. I'm so tempted, but have to fight it. I know it isn't good for me. Will someone please bellow at me not to gamble it away! Maybe I've done it myself. I came here. Still, for a moment, I was thinking "How about 10 quid on such and such". To be fair, betting has never been my main gambling problem, but last time I put a bet on, I ended up chasing my losses and losing two times as much more on roulette and blackjack. What madness. I must not gamble this money. It's only like £13 but I wouldn't have thought anything of gambling it away this time last month, now it's important I do not gamble. I will not gamble. Do not gamble this money, Alex. Do not gamble at all. You're doing well. Think on the brightside. You've saved a bit of money and can use it to buy a book and dvd, but do not gamble it. *Pats self on back* "I will not gamble this money"

Feel very glad I have not just gambled. I came close. I could have, but not doing so tells me I'm moving in the right direction. I had to shout at myself not to gamble. Felt a bit of an idiot for even giving it a thought. It's been a bad habit though..Sit at computer, internet, then gamble. I will not let myself give in. I have the strength to be out of this. Day 19, gamble free...but it's been a struggle.

So relieved I didn't gamble away my money earlier today. I feel fine now, but at that moment in time, my heart was pounding and all I could think of was having that one gamble on this or that. I felt terrible. What a daft world I've let myself sink into. I didn't gamble though, I'm 19 Days free of it and want to be free of it for good.

If I gave up smoking, I would be past the urge to do it again by this point. Why isn't it the same with gambling. Again, it's habit. I know I have the money to waste, the time to waste, the access to the sites. Yet, something tells me now, unlike before, to stop and think. It really has messed up my life completely to a point . I cannot do it anymore. I want my life back to where it was before gambling. I used to cycle miles and miles, go fishing 1-2 times a week, and could focus on my work. I haven't been able to any of that mainly because of me and my gambling problem. I will remember this day.

Hate to hark on but today was turning point for me. I feel really pleased I got through today without gambling. I'm now at day 21 without the hassle of gambling. I read a comment on here about not being able to change the past but being able to dictate our futures, which has stuck with me. I can beat this after all. 16 months of wasted life and money is my past, my future is guided by me and a positive mental attitude. I will be a better person for not having this evil vice controling my life.

Oh yes you will.. That vice you have is called life. And it sound's like you are in control of it again. Well, f*****ng awesome...

Day 21, that's three weeks, you start to see things differently, I know, I did too... The best feeling ever, just wait till you get to the 100's... It's amazing, why we ever did this I never know...

PMA.. The best attitude you can ever have no matter what you are fighting for. You are a better person now. Just admit it. You are awesome for coming on here and I am glad to meet you.

JP. A long lost person who used to gamble.

Thank you, jungle pete. I was actually reading your diary and others yesterday for motivation and reasons not to gamble. One moment of utter weakness yesterday, could have put me back in that cycle. My gambling was never as bad as some on here, but if I'm honest with myself it was going that way. Plus, I'm a low earner so it was huge losses to me, even the last £140, which is now roughly three weeks ago. I do feel awesome and am definetely seeing things differently now, as before, I was in a state of complete denial for 16 months. Now, I see through the illusion that I and the gambling industry created, particulary the gambling industry. Gonna do this and be free of it.